The Q92 Morning Crew

Everyday, about half way through the Q Morning Show, Mel checks her horoscope.

EVERYDAY. Like clockwork.

Now, if she did it in silence, that would be okay. But anyone who knows Mel, knows she doesn’t do anything in silence. So she reads me HER lame horoscope, and I have to pretend I care. Then, she reads me MY horoscope. Again, I don’t care.

Truth is, my opinion on horoscopes is simple, they’re total BS. To think that we can predict what’s going to happen in our lives today based on when we were born is ridiculous. Not to mention that “Melissa’s horoscope” is the same horoscope that everyone born in the same 1 month span is reading.

The argument from some avid horoscope readers is always this: “But sometimes it totally comes true!” Sure it does, because it’s so general, sometimes it’s gonna “come true”. An example of a lame horoscope: “Today you feel tired, but don’t let it show, something good is about to happen.” Of course you’re tired, it’s Monday. And just because you didn’t hit a red light this morning doesn’t mean your lame prediction came true.

Horoscopes are dumb, keep ‘em to yourself Mel.

As heard on the Q Morning Crew…

It’s called the WINE RACK . . . and it’s basically a bra that you can fill up with wine . . . for those occasions when it just isn’t cool to be getting drunk. (–Like at church or your daughter’s piano recital.)

The bra is made of polyurethane . . . and it has a bladder which is able to hold an entire bottle of wine. It also has a hose and nozzle which ladies can discreetly sip from when no one is looking.

And to make a good thing even better, the wine rack serves the double purpose of increasing the wearer’s chest size by up to TWO FULL cup sizes.

The only catch is that the more you drink, the smaller your chest gets. (But the more you drink, the easier you get. . . which makes up for your decreasing chest size.)

GUYS!

There’s something for you too: The Beer Belly.

Who says only kids have fun?

Check out these rockin’ seniors….I think someone spiked their tea.

When asked about their religious beliefs, some Canadians penciled in Jediism in the latest Canadian Census.

It’s no joke.

Star Wars fans are joining together - light sabres and all - to share in the values expressed in the George Lucas films.

We talked to John the Jedi from Texas this morning - he’s a believer in The Force. I didn’t know what to expect when we called him up. And you know what…I was pretty impressed. John was a really sweet guy, not an odd bird at all.

Click here to find out more about the Jedi way of life.

…And just for fun…have you seen this one? The poor kid in this video has been teased online quite a bit. Maybe more than ‘a bit’…it’s been viewed more than 4 million times!

Cold and flu season is here in the north in a big way. It seems like we’ve been short staffed for a month with people here at the radio station taking sick days left, right and centre. Of course, the World Juniors were on, so that might have something to do with it.

In any case, Mel has been fighting a cold since the beginning of the new year. I’ve managed to stay healthy so far, but I’m not so naive to think I’m immune just yet. For now, Mel and I have avoided sharing a microphone…which is really easy since we each have our own mic and always have.

Anyway, Tuesday morning we’ll be talking about the common cold. The one that Mel has. The one that has no cure but to just wait it out. However, there are some things that you can do to avoid getting sick and speed up your recovery - we’ll tell you what. Also, we’ll answer the big question: Can you make out with someone who’s got the cold without catching it yourself? Umm…we’re not testing any theories though…sorry Mel.

Cough.

Be a jolly happy soul.
Spend time outdoors.
Stay cool.
It’s okay to be a little bottom heavy.
Avoid meltdowns.
Be well-rounded.
Live well–life is so short.

This just in - Striking Hollywood writers won’t be working up material for the Golden Globes or the Oscars.

As a reluctant award show watcher, I can’t say I’m looking forward to this year’s ceremonies. No writers means no funny…not that there was much of that in the first place.

What people are forgetting in the writer’s strike, now into it’s seventh week, is the indirect impact it has on other workers in the industry. I am talking about the cue-card writers. These people have worked hard - keeping their Bristol boards carefully prepared for the absent minded performers who suffer from memory loss - be it from age or substance abuse. What are they supposed to do now? Write out recipes with markers in huge lettering?

 I have a money-making idea for out of work cue-card writers…a protest sign making business. Just think of how legible they’ll get the “Oh no, we won’t go.”
 

Are you getting excited?!

Only a few days left until the big day…and I’ve only bought one present so far. Oh well - it’s not about the gifts. (It’s a little easier to say that when you are talking about receiving.)

But seriously, I have got to get my shopping on. I’ve heard it was a nightmare at the Timmins Square over the weekend. Do you have any horror stories? If you have a video gamer on your list my heart goes out to you. Getting your hands on the cabbage patch doll of 2007 (otherwise known as Guitar Hero) is a struggle. Shawn has lost sleep since his attempts to buy one have failed…maybe Santa will be good to you this year Mr. Whalen.

I, on the other hand, have lost sleep for another reason. I saw I am Legend last night at Cinema 6. Normally scary movies don’t bother me…but for some reason this one left me tense and nervous for hours after I walked out of theatre. It made a ton at the box office this weekend, so I guess I’m not alone on this one. Have you seen this Will Smith movie yet? What’s you review? Am I just a wimp - or did you find it horrifying too?

When you wake up listening to The Q Morning Crew with Shawn and Mel on Q92, even your breakfast is rockin’.

 I figure since I was once a blond, I can pass this one along.

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, ‘Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can’t figure out how to get start ed.’

Her boyfriend asks, ‘What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?’

The blonde says, ‘According to the picture on the box, it’s a
rooster.’

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the
table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her
and says,

‘First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.’

He takes her hand and says, ‘Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a
nice cup of tea, and then ..’ he said with a deep sigh, .. .. . .

‘Let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.’