First the Big Up.
Big Up to my hometown, Waterloo, ON. For a couple years while on the west side I occasionally throw out that I’m from “The World’s Most Intelligent Community” (as voted in 2007 by the planet’s Intelligent Communities Forum …I don’t know if Squamish had a vote?) well, anyway, guess who’s reportedly “mulling” a move to Waterloo? That’s right, Stephen Hawking! Apparently, now that Hawking’s buddy, Neil Turok, is leaving Cambridge after he couldn’t convince the school to spend $40 million to expand its Centre for Theoretical Cosmology, which he heads, into a Hawking Institute, (Cambridge the school in England…not the embarrassing poor step brother in the Waterloo-Kitchener-Cambridge tri-city area…Kitchener is just the “poor brother”) he’s on the move to Waterloo’s Perimeter Institute for Theoretical Physics (just quickly for the record - I’ve never actually been in the building. In fact, I don’t think I’d even be allowed. However, the building stands where the old and bubbled Waterloo Memorial Arena used to be…where I always played my best and lit it up at the Christmas tournament when I was aged 6-10. Does that contribute to Waterloo’s intelligent status? You say no? Well, agree to disagree). Now, this Turok has put an offer on the table for the Mr. Hawking to come join him and the offer is being heavily considered. It’s almost unfair – if Waterloo gets Hawking, the town will officially be the New York Yankees of the intelligence world. …the bad thing, I’m pretty sure that analogy makes me the Sidney Ponson of Waterloo.
Now the Beef. And this one goes out to the Sun, the Earth’s rotation and the Earth’s curvature. You’ve all played havoc with my life this week. First off, Major League Baseball’s Home Run Derby. Yeah, Josh Hamilton had an impressive night and Canadian Justin Morneau won, so you’d think it was a perfect night, but it wasn’t. Why? Because I already knew what happened. The Derby took place at 5:00 EST, and Sportsnet decided they’d show a delayed version on their Pacific channel at 5:00 PST. So, by the time the derby came on here, I’d already accidentally stumbled across the results. Now, since I’m contractually not allowed to accuse Rogers Sportsnet of anything but perfection, I’m blaming this one on the Sun and the Earth …more specifically, Time Zones It’s 2008 – can’t we get around this somehow? (and I’m not even gonna start with Canada Basketball’s qualifying tournament? 3am? Really, Athens? That’s the best you can do? I’ve prayed to Appolo about this, and trust me, dude IS NOT the god of the sun. No wonder that Icarus kid had such hard luck, he was probably praying to the wrong guy) In light of all this, I really do hope this “big bang particle fabricator” device works in Switzerland because then we could get rid of this whole problem. We just create as many big bangs as there are time zones out in space along the Earth’s rotational plane around the sun, and then “wa lah” the problem is solved. Every human can continue to live where they are now, just on a different planet, and we all watch the same shows at the same time! I say, if we can create anti-matter and we can clone a goat, we can make a planet! DONE! (maybe my theory could solve some lesser problems as well, like “resources” and “overpopulation” and “starvation”) …now, I’m thinking before this ever happens, Jesus will probably make his grand and glorious return. Don’t worry, not for any kind of Armageddon or Final Judgment, but it would definitely be in his best interests to get his hands on some type of Earth-creating copyright so he can sue for infringement. (New Book: Lawsuitacus? Who’d have power of attorney? The Father or the Holy Ghost? Wow…this sounds like an AWESOME, but possibly offensive, new law drama! Law & Order: Divine Unit)
Wow – I said a lot today, but at the same time I didn’t say anything at all??? Let’s see David Blaine to that! BONUS CODE TRIVIA!!! Alright, so I mentioned how Canadian Justin Morneau won the Home Run Derby – and I should mention that he scored the winning run in the All-Star Game! Not a bad couple of days. Where’s Justin Morneau from?
