- Oil Prices. Food Prices. Everything Prices - All signs are pointing to global chaos, mainly because everything in the world is about to jump up in price. Now I just back back from filling my car up with gas, so I’m extra bitter about this right now. Even better, it looks like some Iranian ship was fired upon by an American ship in an oil passage - which is apparently going to make the prices go up even more. Why am I bitter about this? I don’t think my gasoline or oil comes from Iran. In fact, last time I took note, very little of my oil or gas comes from any OPEC country. It’s been explained to me that OPEC sets the oil prices. I get that. But doesn’t the Organization of Oil and Petroleum Countries consist of Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Venezuela, Qatar, Indonesia, Socialist Peoples Libyan Arab Jamahiriyam, United Arab Emirates, Algeria, Ecuador, Angola and Gabon? I’m pretty sure it does. I don’t see Canada in there, do you? So why do our friends in Alberta charge the same amount? I’ll never understand this? Haven’t we already figured out how to squeeze more oil out of that nasty sand then we thought we’d be able to by 2025? So essentially the oil folk in our country are getting ultra, ultra rich off the ridiculous price per barrel OPEC is charging, mainly because they want to stick it to the USA Thus, we’re effectively sticking it to ourselves? What? Once again, I’m sure someone will email me with an attempt at an explanation… but it’s a lost cause because I’m not buying it. (the argument, that is. I’ll still be buying gas You can count on that!)
The food problem is a whole different thing I take issue with. A lot of the problem is supposed to be stemming from the grain sector. Doesn’t the grain industry operate by letting huge amounts of wheat and grain go to waste every year just to make sure the prices stay high? (that’s right, Africa. That’s how we do!) So how do we have a food shortage? If there actually is a shortage, that’s some karma right there. Unfortunately, karma will be coming back to bite us all for what those greedy farmers have been doing for years. (although, I’m sure we’ve all benefited from the money our country brings in by exporting the stuff, so we’re probably not all that innocent. Of course, this type of thing has happened to one of our major “you need what we got” industries before. See; the Pine Beetle. I can’t wait to see how karma comes back to get us once we start exporting our water all over the world…that being said, by the time our planet gets to that point, I’m sure Canada will have unwillingly become the 51st star).
- On a related note - GREAT NEWS! The Arctic Ice is Melting!!! - Don’t believe for a second that “the Man” 
isn’t ecstatic about this (side note; Ernst Stavro Blofeld, Sauron and the “the Man” from Undercover Brother - all the same “the Man”). While we’re showing sad pictures of polar bears in the middle of the ocean with nowhere to go, watching cool slideshows demonstrating water levels and seeing clip after clip of ice chunks falling off glaciers into the water, the powers-that-be are counting down the minutes until we can get to the oil under that ice. This arctic oil situation kills me. A few thousand years from now, when humans are trying Civilization; Take 2, instead of “a literary or rhetorical device, in which there is a gap or incongruity between what a speaker or a writer says, and what is generally understood,” the description of the arctic oil situation will be used as the definition of irony.
- Zimbabwe Police Raid Opposition Headquarters - I’ve never been more proud to be Canadian! We finally beat a corrupt and disheveled African government to the punch! Yay us. Now if we can only figure out how to repeatedly get caught bringing in huge shipments of defective Chinese firearms… (at least the lead content would be appreciated in that case, right?)
- Man dies from shark attack - This happened in San Diego, which really isn’t that far away. Of course, it happens just as I’m planning a tropical vacation. Luckily, I have no phobias about sharks. Every time we hear 
about a shark attack, what’s the one constant? That’s right, they all happen in the water. Of course a shark is going to get the better of a physical confrontation in their own habitat. The reason I’m not scared of sharks is because I know that if I ever have to go one-on-one with one of these creatures, It’ll be on my terms - dry land. Don’t ask me how I’ll do it…I have a plan. (unless someone attaches a “frickin’ laser beam” to their head. Then I’m in trouble)
- NBA Playoffs - I have strict orders NOT to talk or write about basketball (okay, maybe not strict orders, but it’s been implied). Bottom line, the Canada Raptors finally took a game against Orlando. Yes, they’re not that great. Yes, they’ll probably lose the series. But, the ACC was fire for the Raps’ first home game and I guarantee it’ll be the same for game 2 (Saturday at noon). Tune in! 
BONUS CODE TRIVIA!!! In what will hopefully go down as one of the most ambitious and rude’ist moves in history. A certain country sent a submarine to the bottom of the Arctic Ocean at the North Pole and stuck their flag in the ground…thinking that would be a legitimate claim or something? (what is this, the Oklahoma land race?) What country’s flag is sitting at the bottom of the Arctic?
