This is my first webFlow entry of the week. My excuse for not writing anything was that I haven’t seen anything to really write about? But honestly, I think my energy levels are just really low. We have a huge primary down south, mounties raiding party headquarters and a priest who strapped himself to a zillion party balloons and is hopefully still floating around the south atlantic somewhere. Of course there are things to write about. Then I saw this headline on the globeandmail.com, “Marriage + Kids + Money = Kiss Your Sleep Goodbye.” Obviously, the headline struck a cord. I understand the stresses of a family, a marriage and a budget can really cause someone to lose out on sleep and lose energy and suffer from high stress. Really, I get it. BUT…I have neither children, a wife or money?? so why am I having so many problems sleeping and staying energetic? Luckily, my levels of self awareness are Yoda’esque, therefore I’m confident I can find a solution to this problem and will pass my wisdom on to you. Here are Ted’s tips on how to get your mind and body right;
- Lazy is natural, so don’t sweat it - Sometimes I’m lazy. Real lazy. How lazy? Once the Colbert Report is done at midnight and I have no reason to continue the conscious portion of my day, I’ll often find 
myself too lazy to go to sleep. At that point in the day, it’s just too much effort. Now that is lazy. What I need to do is just live with it and accept it. Being lazy is fine. I hear people all the time complaining about how they’re lazy and they need to get up and do something. Whatever. Eventually the stress level caused by worrying about being lazy becomes the focus of that point in your life. How counterproductive is that? Being lazy and worrying about being lazy at the same time? Ridiculous. Be lazy. Love it. Find a hammock if you can. I’m sure eventually you’ll get up and walk somewhere or eat some granola or yogurt or something? If you’re going to do nothing, relish in it, don’t fight it.
- Don’t “take the stairs” - I see all these magazines at the check-out aisle telling people how they can squeeze working out into their normal routine? What a crock. Working out is for working out - sitting around at your desk is for sitting around at your desk. That’s a fact. The last thing people need is to take the stairs all day instead of the elevator or to do some kinda break-time yoga. Why? You’ll end up thinking you’re doing a good thing for yourself, but as soon as that post-workout euphoria is gone, you’re gonna start to be a little self-conscious about the potential post-workout funk. Even though it’s likely a mind funk fabrication, you’re still gonna think about it. The worry will grow, grow and grow until you don’t feel comfortable with yourself, thus eliminating anything positive that came from your trips up the stairs to begin with. If you want to go to the gym, for a run, a bike ride or do some pilates - fine, but don’t mix it with work.
- Don’t be a jerk - You can leave your water bottle at your desk. Believe me, the water will not evaporate if you separate yourself from your bottle for ten minutes. If someone asks “what are you drinking?” You’re allowed to just say “tea.” You can leave out the “green.” Trust me, you can do it. If you want to get the salad at the restaurant, that’s cool with me. Get whatever you want, but don’t be reading the menu aloud and talking down the burger section as you go. You know you do it. Yes, the Mozza-Burger is unhealthy. Yes, I know that. Yes, I’m getting it. Yes, I’m getting it with fries and hopefully some type of dipping sauce. I’m going to enjoy it and I’m not going to feel bad about it. I hope you enjoy your spinach leaves with balsamic on the side. I know you won’t, but I hope you will.
- I know you shouldn’t eat that. I know you will eat that. Just be quiet and enjoy it - Whether you eat 
something unhealthy once in a while or all the time, enjoy it. If it’s someone’s anniversary and cake is being passed around - you know you’re going to have a piece - so don’t tell everyone “I know I shouldn’t.” We all know that. There is no healthy-high-ground for people that insist on feeling bad about eating a piece of cake. Eating isn’t Christianity. You can’t make it right by feeling guilty about it. Eat the cake. Enjoy the cake. And don’t convince yourself you’ll “walk it off” later. You won’t. When you say you’ll “walk it off” later, it’s just guilt procrastination. 
I’m going over my self-imposed word count, but I’m sure I’ll be back with more advice later. Before everyone fills my inbox with “thank you’s,” don’t worry, I fully plan on getting a book deal for my great health of body and mind advice.
BONUS CODE TRIVIA!!! I mentioned one of my favourite shows, The Colbert Report. The character of Stephen Colbert started out as a correspondent for what show??
