Mike Farwell

I was watching TV the other night and found myself growing increasingly frustrated. First came the commercial for a credit card company that used Fleetwood Mac’s “Go Your Own Way” as its soundtrack. Before I could figure out how Fleetwood Mac and credit cards were supposed to connect, I was greeted by a new commercial for Sunlife Financial that used as its soundtrack Sheryl Crow’s song “Soak Up The Sun.” By which time I’d had enough. I mean, the Sheryl Crow song is barely five years old! Do you mean to tell me that the creative geniuses behind this new commercial couldn’t come up with a better way to shill their product? And where did this all start, anyway?

The origins, at least to me, remain unclear; though I do remember, as a kid, a commercial for butter that featured Donovan’s hit “Mellow Yellow.” Perhaps the most egregious example of once proud artists selling out to the Corporate Devil occurred when the Rolling Stones sold their hit “Start Me Up” to Microsoft for its Windows campaign. But at least that made some sense. For proof, just look at the bottom left corner of your computer screen. What made less sense to me was the use of Madonna’s “Ray of Light” for another Windows launch several years later. And then there was the anti-corporate band U2, which insisted it would never go down that road. But that road apparently met its dead end when the “U2 Apple i-Pod” was released.

Rock purists were up in arms, as I recall, when legendary Led Zeppelin’s “Rock and Roll” was used in a Cadillac commercial. Perhaps the knickers got knotted over the simple fact there’s virtually no connection between car and car tune in the Rip van Winkle-esque ad. But if Page and Plant could sell out, why haven’t these others? I hereby offer, free of charge, my Top 5 songs that should be used in upcoming television commercials. Ad agencies can feel free to steal the ideas from here, pay the appropriate royalties to the artist, and take full credit for the idea.

5. Long Train Runnin’ — The Doobie Brothers. I offer this song to the folks at Via Rail. Heck, given the state of rail service, “Any Train Runnin” — at least on time — would do. But we’ll give them the benefit of improved service by the time they launch this brilliant new campaign.

4. Life is a Highway — Tom Cochrane. Aging rocker meets an aging roadway, with rocker’s wrinkles and road’s cracks and potholes all being tolerated, and smoothly driven upon, by the latest and greatest….Michelin Tire.

3. Janie’s Got a Gun — Aerosmith. The National Rifle Association. ‘Nuff said.

2. Stuck in the Middle With You — Stealer’s Wheel. The perfect ditty to sell more Oreos. Let’s face it, we all tolerate the wafer cookies, but it’s the stuff in the middle that makes this treat the stuff of legend.

1. Pour Some Sugar on Me — Def Leppard. This song is reserved for a Canadian icon, Tim Horton’s. I can see the dancing Timbits in the commercial as I type.

So there you have it. Five great songs to help create five great new commercials. And because I’m one of those music purists who is still old-fashioned enough to buy an album as opposed to downloading it, I’ll even offer a special bonus track.

Bad Medicine — Bon Jovi. This is in the event that the Conservatives win a majority in next month’s election, which I fear they may. That, my friends, will be the most bitter pill we have had to swallow in some time, and not even another British Invasion featuring The Cure will do anything to help it.