Mike Farwell

A telemarketer did a remarkable thing yesterday. She actually left a message on my answering machine at home. Yes, this young woman was persistent. Sadly, all credit for that persistence was lost in the first few words she spoke.

The voicemail began with “this is a message for the lady of the house” and I simply had to ask myself, in this day and age of 50% divorce rates, is that really the most appropriate way to launch a sales pitch? Based on the statistics alone, half your potential audience may not even have that other half. But over and above that, as a single guy, I’d like to know if these people are just trying to make me feel bad! I know there is no “lady of the house” at my house. That’s abundantly clear on a daily basis, thank you very much. And I’m not so sure I appreciate the reminder. I don’t even remember what she was selling because I quickly deleted the message.

Something else that comes with being a single guy is advice, and I’m often told that meeting the right person is all in the approach. What I need, so I’m told, is that perfect opening line. Maybe these telemarketers could take a lesson.

Good thing I was quickly able to overcome the sadness of my singledom that followed the message. I just cracked a beer and sat on the couch to watch the sports highlights. Because that’s what single guys do.

So here we sit on the eve of the Ontario Hockey League finals. After posting a record 53 regular season wins, and then storming through the playoffs with a 12-1 record to date, is it any wonder that the Rangers are one of the teams vying for championship? The ride of the 2007-08 season has been nothing short of remarkable.

And still I approach tomorrow’s game with mixed feelings. Having watched this remarkable run from the press box alongside my Rogers TV partner Mike Torchia, you can’t help but feel an attachment to it. I’m not suggesting we played any role in the record- setting season but we have no doubt been there every step of the way. As it turns out, though, tomorrow’s game could be the final Rogers TV broadcast of the season.

Every now and again, the “big guys” (Peter Loubardias and Sam Cosentino) from our parent network, Rogers SportsNet, will come to Kitchener to call a game. They’ve selected Game 3 of this series, which falls on Sunday in Kitchener. Mike Torchia and I don’t call the road games for Rogers, so if this series is a sweep for either team, it will end next Tuesday in Belleville. And that means it’s conceivable that tomorrow’s game could be our last broadcast of the season, as SportsNet also broadcasts every game during the Memorial Cup tournament. I’ll try not to think about that too much as we drop the puck for what should be a very exciting series.

I guess all good things really do come to an end.

I’m done with drive-thrus. Actually, I’m sure you know that already. Now I want you to be done with them, too. Please. If for no other reason than when the Martians invade and see what we’re doing, we’re really going to be displaying a complete lack of intelligence “down here.”

To wit, this morning I found myself on the opposite side of Kitchener as I came to work from Grand River Hospital. So rather than stop at my usual Tim’s, I pulled into the outlet at King and Andrew, beside Central Meat Market. More appropriately, I should say I tried to pull into Tim’s because at this tiny coffee stop there is precious little parking, and even less space for the drive-thru. So the cars were backed up into the street. I finally found an opening in the line, turned into the parking lot, parked, and went inside the store. There was not a sole waiting to be served inside. Not one. I was in and out so quickly that I walked past the front of the same car on my way out of the store as I had walked past on my way in. It hadn’t moved.

If drive-thrus are supposed to be demonstrating our efficiency, I must be missing something. I’ve seen a lot of dumb things in my life, but the 14 or so people waiting in their cars this morning have got to be among the dumbest. What on earth is the matter with us?

What a welcome return to milder weather this weekend. Not only did it add a decidedly spring-like touch to the Elmira Maple Syrup Festival, but it just brought more people “out.” Everywhere you looked there was another jogger, dog walker, or family simply enjoying the opportunity to be outdoors without a parka. Some even wore shorts. It might be a little early for that in my mind but hey, more power to them.

Of course, the end of winter raises the inevitable question in these here parts. Would we appreciate the spring and summer as much as we do if not for the winter that interrupts it? Most people I talk to say no, we wouldn’t. I say there’s only one way to find out. I’ll send you a postcard from California in December and let you know how much I miss the snow.

While en route to the Rogers Television studios the other night, I made a phone call. I know that makes me a horrible human being in the books of some, and I apologize. But the fact of the matter is that I find the ten minute drive to the studio to be quite useful for getting things accomplished every now and again, and the other night was no exception. Still, with recent talk of provincial cell phone bans ringing in my ears, I was more aware than ever of the chance I was taking. When the person on the other end of the phone started giving me the phone numbers of some other people I should call, I knew I had to take drastic action.

I pulled over to the side of the road. I might have been able to remember one number until I had a chance to write it down later, but certainly not a handful of them. So I pulled onto the shoulder of Highway 8, just as you come off the flyover. It’s a wide shoulder and there’s plenty of room. Or so I thought. But as I sat at the side of the road, scribbling down phone numbers and staying out of harm’s way, not one or two, but several passing cars blared their horns. So much for safely pulling to the side of the road to continue a cell phone conversation.

 I’ll just assume that each blast of the horn was a blast of support.