George Michaels

The differences between men & women: #265

georgechym — Mon, 12 May 2008 15:21:05 +0000

In two weeks, we’re in Mexico with a group of CHYM-FM Platinum VIPs…our Trip-a-Day winners. Carole informs me that she needs a new bathing suit. Okey-dokey. Off we go to the mall. This wasn’t the toughest thing I’ve ever done. Basically she models the bathing suits, and I tell her which ones look the best. Well, they all looked good. The toughest part for me was trying to remember which one was the 2nd one, which was the 3rd, etc, etc. I don’t have a great memory to start with. I thought that maybe I should’ve brought a digital camera along. Wouldn’t I have looked like some kinda freak! After two stores, about 60 minutes, and maybe 8 or 9 bathing suits, we’re done.

Me? I don’t need a new bathing suit. Just another reason why being a guy is so much easier. I could balloon to 250 pounds, or drop to 150 (not likely), and my bathing suit would still fit. Elastic waistband…plus a draw-string. I’m packed…let’s go.

I HATE Raccoons!

georgechym — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 11:15:02 +0000

This morning we let the dog out, and after a few minutes noticed that he hadn’t come back in yet. Wait a minute. This is unusual. What’s going on? I stepped out on the back porch to call him. He came, but then I noticed the garbage can had been knocked over & the lid was off. It’s one of those tall Rubbermaid cans with the handles that supposedly lock the lid in place. Oh yeah…locked in place unless you’re a raccoon! So that’s how my Rainy Day Monday started…picking up garbage in the rain…in the dark…hoping the raccoons aren’t still IN the garbage can. I’ve seen people with their lids strapped down. I think they’re actually called “Raccoon Straps”. I just may invest in some today.

Golf & Sex

georgechym — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 14:54:51 +0000

Golf & Sex. The only two things in the world you don’t have to be good at to enjoy. I read that on a coffee mug once, and just thought it was so funny. Had somebody told me two years ago that I would take up golf, I would’ve thought they were crazy. Okay, let’s see if I understand. You hit the ball, you go to where the ball is (in my case, good luck finding it!), then you hit the ball again. You keep doing this until the ball eventually lands in a hole. Then you bend over, pick up the ball, and start all over again. Where’s the enjoyment factor in that? And yet, I can’t believe how hooked I am on this game. I watch the Golf Channel constantly, subscribe to Golf Digest…if this were a written exam, I’d ace it. A few weeks ago, when the weather started to finally turn nice, I couldn’t step out the door without thinking “Man, I wish I was on the golf course.” What a change from just two years ago. Well yesterday, we finally got out for the first time this year. “We” being my wife & I. I can’t imagine anyone else having the patience to golf with me. For my golf balls, it was a day at the beach. They were either playing in the sand, or frollicking in the water. As for me…well let’s just say my game’s pretty consistant with what it was last year. But in spite of that, it was sunny, 21 degrees, we’re outside enjoying a nice walk. The coffee mug was right.

Hey, you’re not Santa Claus!

georgechym — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 12:32:17 +0000

Last Friday night, after coming home from our 12-hour Radiothon at Connestoga Mall, Carole & I had a light supper, then settled into the loveseat to unwind with a little TV. All of a sudden, the doorbell rings, and standing there was this couple I’d never seen before. “Hi, sorry to bother you” they said, “but we just noticed a raccoon…a very large one…climb down your chimney.” Wonderful! We’ve lived in this house for 13 years, and for 13 years I’ve been meaning to put a cap on that chimney. So, I figured this might be a good time to do that. I’d get up in the morning, go to the hardware store & pick one up, climb up on the roof & install it myself. Well, my first thought was “Hey, wait a minute. That’s a long way up.” My second thought: much worse…”What if the raccoon is still in the chimney when I put the cap on? He gets trapped in their & dies. Wouldn’t that be a lovely smell! Or, worse still…what if he comes running up the chimney as I’m putting the cap on?”
I like to think the one thing that over the years has probably saved me thousands of dollars, and endless frustration, is that I know when a job’s too big for me. This definitely required a professional. So Saturday morning I picked up the phone, and booked somebody to come out as soon as possible. Tuesday? Fine. The lady on the phone told me the price, and then told me there would be an extra charge if the animal was still in there, and it had to be removed. And…then there’s also the possibility that it was a female raccoon who decided my chimney would be a great place to have her babies.

Tuesday afternoon rolls around. A nice young guy by the name of Kamil shows up. On time! Well, actually early. Even better. I take him downstairs & show him the pipe that comes out of the wall that used to be hooked up to a woodstove that the previous owner had (unsafely) put in. He pulls off the cover, gags a bit, stumbles back a little, and says “this is the worst case scenario”. Imagine how thrilled I am at this point. I try to open the basement windows. They don’t open. Thirteen years of trying to get around to painting the windows. These are two I actually did get around to painting. And I guess I painted them shut.
Well, after he (how do I put this delicately) shoveled some of the…stuff…out of the pipe, he said something that was a big relief for both of us. First of all, the raccoon wasn’t in my chimney right this minute. (I’d had visions of this thing…they can be up to 40 pounds!…flying out into the room, and just going berserk) And secondly, the raccoon didn’t have babies in my chimney. I learned that raccoons like to have a couple of chimney-homes. The lucky ones like me have their chimney turned into a toilet. The unlucky ones have their chimneys turned into nurseries! He then told me I ought to warn my neighbours, because they don’t have caps on their chimneys either. And they’ve had more than 13 years. Yes, their windows look better, and their lawns are golf-course quality, but at least I can say I was the first…well unless you count John, and Doug, and Mike…well, maybe not the first, but at least I can say I have been able to hang a “No Vacancy ” sign on my chimney.

Now, that’s a weekend

georgechym — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 14:40:49 +0000

Finally! All that sunshine. Those pleasant temperatures. We took the dog for I don’t know how many walks. And, yes, we barbecued. Twice. On Saturday, it was Angus Beef steaks on the grill, followed by Montecristos on the patio. But we couldn’t get the patio chairs out of the tool shed. There’s still a pile of snow & ice in front of the doors of the shed. It’s one of those places that never sees the sun. I wound up getting a couple of lawn chairs out of the garage. I’m hoping with all the mild temperatures & rain in the forecast this week, it melts the snow. Sunday, it was BBQ-ed chicken. (Technically grilled, not bbq-ed. But that’s another blog for another day.) Wouldn’t it be great if this was what all our weekends will be like this spring & summer!

Wanna know what makes me go crazy?

georgechym — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 20:06:27 +0000

Baseball’s back for another season. Go Tigers! And, yes, Go Jays!…unless they’re playing the Tigers. But here’s what bugs me. People who take cell phones to the game. I understand if you’ve got little ones that you’ve left with the sitter and you want to be available, in case there’s a problem. These aren’t the people I’m talking about.The guy I’m talking about is the guy in the first row, right behind home plate…or just above the home team’s dugout…seats you or I couldn’t buy if we tried. Is he paying attention to the game? No. He’s on his phone! But wait…it gets worse. He’s on the phone with his buddy who’s watching the game at home. Wait, wait…now it gets totally ridiculous. He’s now waving at his buddy! “Hey, can you see me? Is the camera on me? I’m wavin’ to ya’” What a goof! Here’s what I think the people broadcasting these games ought to do. You know how sometimes the guy doing the colour commentary will write stuff on the screen. I think it’d be so awesome if they just put a big “L” over this clown’s face. “Yeah man, I see ya’. But guess what!”

Grampa Gets Trumped By The Mouse

georgechym — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 16:05:09 +0000

Our Granddaughter Georgia came over the other day for a visit. Got there about 8:30 or so. I was still on the air, and Carole had the radio on. Georgia asked if Gramma could put on Lady & The Tramp, or as Georgia calls it “Lady AND Tramp”…accent on “and”. Carole said “But, don’t you wanna listen to Grampa on the radio?” Then this sweet little innocent blue-eyed ray of sunshine said “Grampa off…Lady AND Tramp on”.

I guess if you lose out to a Walt Disney classic, it’s not such a bad thing. Had it been Barney…

The 3 things that got me through winter

georgechym — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 19:52:41 +0000

Got me through winter??? As in the past tense??? As I’m writing this on Tuesday afternoon, it looks like Christmas out my window. But I think it’s time to let go, emotionally if not physically, of winter. Buh-bye. Been nice knowing ya’.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. The three things that “got” me through winter. And, no, these are not paid endorsements. These are products I’ve recommended to friends & family.

1. Kodiak. Actually, when I was going to high school, I used to work part-time for Greb/Kodiak. They were over on Ardelt at the time. If not Kodiak, get yourself a pair of Kaufmans. Nobody understands Canadian winters like Canadians. At least I think they’re still made in Canada. All I know is my feet haven’t been cold all winter.

2. Craftsman. Last year I went to Sears & got myself a 9-and-1/2 horsepower (Tim the Tool-man Taylor grunt here please) Craftsman snow blower. I don’t know how I could’ve got through this winter (past tense again, eh?) without it.

3. Jeep. Yeah, any 4×4 would be great to have, but there’s just something about a Jeep. Maybe because it was the original 4×4…I don’t know. But it’s nice to know no matter how much snow we get, I can always get in to the station in the morning. Yes, like everybody else, when we get a lot of snow overnight, I’ll leave a little early. But not because I worry whether I’ll get through the snow. I’m taking every side street I can, looking for, as the skiiers call it, fresh powder. I explained to Carole years ago my theory that most men don’t really mature beyond the age of twelve. On mornings when we’ve got a ton of snow, and I’ve got Jeep keys in my hand, I’m like a 12-year-old with a driver’s license. (The police don’t have time to read blogs, do they?)

2-and-1/2 on St Patty’s Day

georgechym — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 14:21:24 +0000

Yesterday, our Granddaughter Georgia turned two-and-a-half, so Carole & I asked if she could come over for a little visit. She came over in her little green hoodie, and we just had the greatest day. Her & Gramma did some drawings. I took a pass on that. I’m sure my stick-people wouldn’t impress her. Then, we watched The Bee Movie…three times. The third time, she & I both fell asleep. Gramma stayed awake though, and made sure nobody fell off the couch.

If you’re still at that stage in your life where your teenagers are driving you up the wall, hang in there. It pays some huge rewards in the not-too-distant future.

Going Where The Weather Suits My Clothes

georgechym — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 19:10:04 +0000

Nobody has ever come to me for fashion advice. And for good reason. But Monday night, I knew what I was wearing was just plain wrong. I have worn a Hawaiian shirt with a pair of long pants before, but never with wool socks & winter boots (yes, pants too). It was our monthly meeting of Parrots on the Grand, our local Jimmy Buffett fan club. And one of our members, I believe Lee Proctor, suggested we ought to wear Hawaiian shirts to the meeting. Well, it may have looked a little wierd (does a light brown scarf & black leather jacket work with a VERY bright blue Hawaiian shirt?), but it did provide a little mental escape. As does Jimmy’s music. Say, if you’re a Jimmy Buffett fan, and wanna hang out with other fun people, we’d love to see you at one of our meetings. We meet on the second Monday of every month at the Edelweiss. Things get rolling by 7:00. Most people show up early. And (trust me on this) it’s not a late night. We’re a non-profit group, and have a few local charities we help out, including the Cambridge Humane Society. You can get more info about our group by going to our website: www.parrotsonthegrand.com. Maybe we’ll see you out there sometime.