570News - Gary Doyle

My friend Steve Hart is having issues. The native Aussie, who is now a member of our 570 NEWS Team shivers. A lot. Something about checking the temperature down under and seeing 28C. I told him somethig all of those who were born in the Great White North already know. There are only two seasons…winter and construction. We need the latter to build more indoor rinks so the brittle Leafs don’t have to wear those silly masks to work. By the way, if the Leafs want to play an outdoor game at the Rogers Centre, I may actually attend.

I’m a big Grammys fan. Last nights show had some great moments and others that left me scratching my middle-aged head. Kanye the performer was a real highlight. Kanye the gracious acceptance speech maker, not so much. But, when Brad Paisley sang his country hit “I Want To Check You For Tics”, I could take no more. How 60’s is that? Funny, maybe. But it did remind me of a list I used to have of country song titles that needs updating. Here’s some of my personal favorites, from actual country songs. (in no particular order)

1. Walk out backwards, so I’ll think you’re coming in.

2. If you want to keep the beer real cold, store it next to my ex-wifes’ heart.

3. I just bought the boots that walked out on me.

4. and…. Drop Kick Jesus, Through The Goalposts of LIfe.

Allow me a couple of meanderings.

1. To the lady in the Civic that was in front of me on Union Street this morning. CLEAN OFF
YOUR WINDOWS! You scare me when you drive blind.

2. To the gentleman coming the other way on Union Street who turned in front of me. I’m
sure you had your signal lights on, but if you DON’T CLEAN THE SNOW OFF, I don’t know
what you’re doing next.

3. And finally, to the GRT driver who fishtailed off University Avenue, those are people
you’re transporting and until seatbelts become mandatory on buses, take it easy.

Thanks, I needed that.

I want to thank a listener, Rob, for passing this my way.

LONDON TIMES OBITUARY of the Late Mr. Common Sense

‘Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn’t always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge)

He health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year old boy charged with sexual harrassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimandig an unruly student, only worsended his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for ding the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by four stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I’m A Victim.

Not Many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on, if not, join the majority and do nothing.

Amen

The Columbus Blue Jackets have recalled Steve Mason from the Kitchener Rangers. Again. Ranger fans were quick to e-mail this morning complaining about the inequity of the Jackets doing this to the Rangers. Keep in mind, the Rangers reeled in Jason Akeson from Cumberland Jr. A., where he was one of the top performers. Akeson will play with the Rangers, but not as much as he would have at the lower level. I know the Mason call was an emergency basis, and he will be back with the Rangers, but I gotta wonder what this is doing to the big goalie, emotionallly. I guess we’ll find out in the play-offs.

It’s not the weather. It’s not the workload. It’s the family. My youngest is 19 today. I no longer have children. I have adults.