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There used to be an old-time radio show on the air called The Bickerson’s. If my memory serves me correctly, I’m pretty sure that Don Ameche starred in it. You can correct me if I’m wrong. It featured a comedic slant on the bickering that some long-married couples are prone to. I’ve often wondered if it’s a behaviour that is learned while growing up…
My daughter and son have had the occasion to “not” get along. I’ve even been called in to be mediator in some of these disputes. These are not major disagreements. It’s more like nit-picking than anything else. It seems they “agree to disagree” on most things, like whose turn it is on their computer, whose turn it is to set and clear the table. That sort of thing. Nothing major, just nit-picking, or bickering.
There are many things they do agree on. They both have the same tastes in music, TV shows and the games they play on their game systems. It’s not like they have a quarrel about everything. They just like to challenge each other, and I believe that it’s just a normal part of growing up.
We spend a lot of time at hockey games over the fall and winter months. We’re in the second-round of our playoffs right now. My daughter has always claimed she’s not a fan of the game and yet, on occasion, I’ve caught her secretly watching the game unfold when it’s her brother’s turn to be in the net. She’s always been known to help him carry his equipment into and out of the arenas, and all the while they’re squabbling about something or other.
I have this feeling that my wife and I are not alone as parents in facing this very common behaviour between siblings. I’m sure there are just as many ways to deal with the constant feuding as there are parents who seem to get stuck in the middle of their disputes. There are no classes you can take in school to prepare you for this job as parental mediator. I believe it’s simply trial and error, and it comes with the territory of being a parent. If you’re a new parent, you’d better brush up on your negotiating skills because you’ll need them. If you’re a grandparent, then I’m sure you’ve had to smile when one of your grown children has come to you seeking advice on how to deal with some minor irritant with your grandchildren. It might help you to remember a time when you handled the same problem between your sons and/or daughters.
There are plenty of self-help books on the market that claim to have all the answers for parenting in the 21st century, but who has the time to read them all? Besides, each situation demands a personal approach. It’s my job to read lots of books for this program and rarely, if ever, have I found a solution that perfectly suited a dilemma I’ve been faced with.
…until this one. The book is called The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Life.
I ran across a very interesting item in yesterday’s Social Studies column in The Globe and Mail newspaper. Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht wrote this advice for when one sibling complains about something the other was supposed to have done. This is theiradvice–not for parents–but for those involved in the dispute itself. “Accept full responsibility for whatever you are being accused of. Grant that the sibling is right on every count and that you are truly sorry. Later, as your stunned parents try to decide your punishment, pull them aside and calmly explain that you had nothing to do with the incident and simply acted to avoid a loud, messy conflict. Suggest that your sibling’s troublemaking behaviour might be a desperate cry for parental attention.”
I hope neither one of my children read today’s blog. I have a feeling that it will make my work, as a parent, that much more difficult.
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Don Jackson
