Cynical Cinema

Unstable Fables is a series of computer-animated movies produced by The Jim Henson Company. The first in the series, Three Pigs And A Baby, comes to DVD tomorrow, June 24th, from Alliance Films. The obvious intent here is to make a film that both kids and adults will like, without spending too much money. And for the most part they succeed. For the kids, cute pigs, physical humour and falling down, and schoolyard-bully politics. For the adults, references to movies only they would have seen. Obviously Three Men And A Baby, but also Rebel Without A Cause, Dr. Strangelove, and other movies of their classic ilk. It’s the references to Dr. Strangelove, however, which are the best. To explain:

First of all, the plot revolves around the wolves, as they always do, trying to get to the three little pigs in order to eat them. The wolves come up with a devious plan to devour the pigs. A plan that will take several years, but apparently will be worth it. This plan is devised at the behest of the top wolf scientist, a cartoon character who is extremely reminiscent of Peter Sellars as Dr. Strangelove. This scientist is always suggesting the use of his patented “doomsday device”, which we don’t see until the end of the film. (And when we do see it, it’s worth it.) The wolves’ plan, as it is, is to infiltrate the pigs’ house with a spy - a cute little baby wolf. The idea is to leave it in a basket on the pigs’ doorstep, and to have them take it in and raise it as their own. Then, when that wolf is sixteen years old, they can convince him to steal the keys and open the door.

The fact that this plan is sixteen years in the making is part of the charming nonsense in this film. The fact that it is clearly taking more than sixteen years for the cow contractors to rebuild the houses of the two other pigs (having had them blown over by the wolves) is also delightfully nonsensical. So that means that all three pigs are together under one roof, raising one wolf baby. And that is the cruz of the film. The pigs at school make fun of the young wolf, because he looks nothing like a pig. And he comes home to his pig fathers, and as he grows into a teenager he becomes more and more resentful. (Leading to the “you’re tearing me apart!” Rebel Without a Cause reference.)

Then, as the wolves lead him astray, and he begins to ride a motorcycle and stay out late and hang with the wrong crowd, the plan comes together for the wolves, and it’s time to take the pigs “out for dinner, if you know what I mean”. The wolves are pretty cheap gangster imitations here. And the young wolf with the pig fathers is forced to make a difficult decision, one which could impact the future of…whatever. It’s a cartoon. But it’s a pretty good one.

Paramount Home Entertainment releases Strange Wilderness on May 20th. It’s yet another movie featuring Adam Sandler’s buddies, from his Happy Madison production company. This group seems to be able to churn out thirty movies a year, of varying quality from below-average to insanely putrid. Strange Wilderness is somewhere in the middle. It’s dreadful. It’s the story of a bunch of Adam Sandler’s friends who attempt to revive their flagging TV wilderness show (Strange Wilderness) by tracking down and finding and filming Bigfoot. Which ends up being a series of animal attacks, idiotic jokes, stoner jokes, and more animal attacks. See, there’s this turkey, and it attacked a guy while he was peeing, so it’s on his junk. And it’s stuck there. And it’s a special turkey, so they can’t just chop it’s head off and kill it. So they have to massage it’s neck, and there’s this hot nurse who has to do it, which means she’s really massaging…oh, come on.

The cast is fairly good, because it is full of some quality comic actors. Justin Long, Steve Zahn, and the always-funny Jonah Hill, who has some decent moments. But the script is so thin that there is no reason for anything to actually happen. It’s just a series of toilet humour jokes and painful gags that grows tiresome right away. Shark attacks are played for humour, with incredibly poor results, the one hot girl is constantly pursued by a bunch of horny drunken idiots, with the intended effect of creating comedy. Once again, with poor results. And the final bigfoot gag is so badly done, obvious and, amazingly for this movie, underplayed that it negates the entire premise of the film. Strange Wilderness is neither strange, nor does it involve good wilderness. It’s just stupid, and is best ignored altogether. Which is why I didn’t write a longer review.