Cynical Cinema

The Scream trilogy comes out in yet another form, August 26th from Alliance Films. And while the new edition of this trilogy is nothing special in terms of special features or extras or packaging, the series bears revisiting. It has been eight years since the final installment in the Scream trilogy, and there is a chance that the series has become somewhat forgotten, especially among the new generation of horror movie buffs. And this, I feel, is a shame. Because I truly believe that Scream is the best series in the history of horror movies. (Alien is a close second, and had they not gone ahead with Alien Resurrection I think it would be in first place. Alien vs. Predator and Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem don’t count.)

Scream (10/10):  The first Scream film is an absolute classic. A magnificent work by Wes Craven that managed to take a very standard genre - the slasher movie - and turn it into something brand new and tremendously exciting. The standard things one expects from a slasher film were kept intact. The hot young cast (with Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox and Rose McGowan this cast was hotter than most). The concealment of the killer’s identity until the very end. The creepy phone call that leads to a murder. And the other standard cliches - don’t go upstairs, or you’re dead. Don’t have sex, or you’re dead. Don’t do drugs, or…you’re dead. What made Scream fantastic and new was that it didn’t merely go through the motions with the cliches, it absolutely embraced them. In fact, the film is constantly calling attention to it’s own formulaic nature. It’s not formulaic out of laziness or lack of imagination, it’s formulaic by design. It becomes more than just a well done, genuinely scary horror movie. It also becomes a satire of pop culture, a jab at the debate over violence in movies, and an incredible moment for cultural reference. Scream contains many references to the past - other slasher films like Hallowe’en and Friday the 13th. But it also managed to become a part of that same culture in the future, giving rise to not only two sequels of it’s own, but a whole new genre of slasher film beginning with I Know What You Did Last Summer, and spoof movies beginning with Scary Movie. Very few single movies can boast an influence like that.

Scream 2 (10/10):  But Scream is not just the one movie, it is a trilogy. And the series did something unthinkable in horror movie history with their second installment. It got better. (Another nod to the Alien series here - #2 was better than #1.) The first movie was a genuine, scary, thrilling slasher movie while simultaneously being a parody of those same movies. An unbelievable achievement, but Scream 2 goes one better. It is a genuine, scary, thrilling and smart slasher movie. And it is also a parody of the slasher movies of the past. But in an amazingly successful and deft bit of directing by Wes Craven, it is a parody of the first film in the series as well, and becomes a parody of itself on a level the first movie couldn’t hope to attain. Famous satirists in history have attempted this incredibly difficult feat - satirizing one’s own subject matter while still maintaining a smart dialogue and interesting action. Perhaps only Jonathan Swift ever managed to perfect this art, with Gulliver’s Travels in 1726. Since then, maybe only Wes Craven has come close to matching that work. And it’s with Scream 2.

Scream 3 (6/10):  The third Scream movie sucked. Well, it sucked like The Godfather III, more because it couldn’t come close to living up to the previous two. Or, perhaps, like Alien 3. At the very least, however, Scream 3 was still scary and involved Jenny McCarthy and Piper Perabo, and brought back Courtney Cox and Neve Campbell, making it the hottest of the Scream movies. Oh, and it also had a cameo by Jay and Silent Bob. Cool points!

Thrilling, smart, funny, perceptive, contemporary and really truly scary, the Scream trilogy is a must-own for horror fans. If you already own it, don’t bother with this new Alliance Films release. There is nothing extra there. But for those of you who have never seen Scream or it’s two hugely successful sequels, this is a must-have addition to your DVD collection.

I tried. I really, truly tried to like Southland Tales. I liked The Rock in it. That’s right - The Rock, the wrestler, I liked him. I liked Seann William Scott - Stiffler from American Pie, the guy who has only ever played a drunken frat boy, I liked him. I liked Bai Ling -the Chinese actress who was recently busted for shoplifting. I also liked Jon Lovitz (Newsradio), Cheri O’Teri (irritating name), Christopher (there can be only one) Lambert, Justin (my music is obnoxious) Timberlake, Mandy (look how big my eyes are) Moore, Sarah Michelle (I have two first names) Gellar and John (remember me) Laroquette. I liked them all! I liked the camera work, I loved the layout of the scenes, I enjoyed seeing what was coming up next. I was desperate to like Southland Tales. The movie begged me to like it, and I said OK movie, I will try my very best to do so, just don’t let me down. And the movie did not let me down. But I can’t recommend it because it is awful.

Here is a plot synopsis, as best I can make out. Perhaps once you have read this you will understand. World War 3 has begun. There have been nuclear bombs set off in Texas, so the Americans have responded by bombing Iran, Iraq, Syria, Pakistan, Korea, Afghanistan, and possibly Belgium. The US army is running out of oil. It is the near future, but George Bush is still preisdent. (In fact, at one point they use actual file footage of Bush speaking.) As the oil runs out, a mad scientist invents a way to get energy directly from the ocean. He is either bent on world domination, or he’s crazy, or he’s just a nice old man with evil advisors. Still don’t know. The Rock shows up on a beach. He has amnesia. He is a famous actor, but he doesn’t know that, and he hooks up with Sarah Michelle Gellar, who is a porn star. He has a wife that he has forgotten, however, and she is Mandy Moore, who is the daughter of the man who is running for vice-president of the US in the elections on the Republican ticket. There are cameras everywhere, and one of the major election issues is bill 69, which would restrict the ability of the government to invade the privacy of people. Take a breath for a moment.

We continue: Seann William Scott is a cop who has a twin brother who is a left-wing extremist, and he has kidnapped his twin in order to pose as him in a large conspiracy that will see him, posing as his brother, commit a double murder with racist overtones, that will be filmed by The Rock before he finds out who he really is, and this will be released to the media to discredit both the cops and the Republicans all at once. There is musical montage, a music video, a song-and-dance number, a soap-opera going on in Mandy Moore’s family where some people are sleeping with some other people, there is a world domination theme, there is drug trafficking, somehow related to this machine in the ocean that produces energy and also perhaps some variation on Soylent Green. Everything in the country is sponsored by either Hustler or Budweiser, and the grand finale of the movie involves a giant Zeppelin, a riot, a fireworks display, a rift in the space-time continuum, and a flying ice cream truck.

So…yeah. Southland Tales is about all of this, and none of this. The movie is two and a half hours long, and to cram all this stuff in and make us care, or understand, it would have to be eleven hours plus. There is just way too much going on. And yet the movie seems to have a rather laguid pace, like it isn’t hurrying anywhere. It feels good to watch it. It is visually impressive. The writing is very good. There are some great lines, and great moments. The little old lady from Poltergeist is in the movie, and she has a great moment at the bottom of a staircase straight out of that movie. The little old smart guy from The Princess Bride is in it a lot too, and he throws it to that film with the word “preposterous”. Kiss Me Deadly, the classic 1955 film noir, is playing on the TV in the porn star’s room. The porn stars have their own TV shows and energy drinks. There are so many cool actors doing cool things. Justin Timberlake is awesome. And yet - there really is no movie here. You can sit there for two and a half hours. You might be entertained, you will be mildly stimulated, and you may even think you are enjoying yourself. But when the movie ends, you won’t know what it was about, you won’t care, and six minutes later you will have forgotten everything about the film. It’s heavy on style, but the substance is almost non-existent.