Cynical Cinema

When I was a kid, I loved Asterix and Obelix. I would go to the library and borrow every single one of those giant, hardcover, oversized comic books. In fact, most of the reason I still have the ability to speak and understand French today is thanks to Asterix et Obelix, Gaston La Gaffe, Lucky Luke, and a host of other French-language comic books aimed directly at very young children. In 1999, this comic book, beloved in France, was turned into a massive live action movie starring some of the biggest names in French films, including Gerard Depardieu as Obelix. Asterix et Obelix Contre Cesar comes to DVD in North America today, July 1st, from Alliance Films. It has no English subtitles, and no English dubbing, so unless you speak French, steer clear.

For those of you (and I’m sure there are a few) who are unfamiliar with the story of Asterix and Obelix, they are Gauls, who live in a little village in the heart of the Roman Empire. The Romans have managed to conquer the rest of the known world, but for some reason this little village continues to resist their rule. It’s all thanks to the “magic potion” brewed by the village’s resident druid, Panoramix. This potion gives anyone who drinks it superhuman strength, and the village has been using it to fend off the Romans for years. Asterix is the leader of the Gaul warriors, a clever and cunning fellow, and Obelix is his stupid best friend. Obelix, as a child, fell into the magic potion, and became permanently super-strong. He is the only one in the village who does not have to drink the potion to beat up Romans. And the rest of the comic book involves Romans attacking in columns and phalanxes, the Gauls punching them, words like BAFFE pop up, and the Romans land far away with their clothes off. No one ever seems to die, but there is a constant threat of being thrown to the lions. (Or, if they’re in Egypt, the crocodiles.)

Asterix et Obelix Contre Cesar remains true to the comics. Very true. In fact, much too true. Everything from the comic book is thrown in to a giant pot and stirred around with a giant paddle. In fact, they kept certain objects intact from the comic books, like the giant pot and giant paddle they use for the potion. In the film, the Romans want to destroy the one little holdout village that hasn’t succumbed to Roman rule. Also, there is some plot that involves a thief who comes to the Gaul village and steals the gold the Romans have collected in taxes. But the thief goes away quickly, the gold goes away quickly, and nothing really comes of that. Also odd is the sub-plot that involves Laetitia Casta, a French supermodel making her film debut here, as the gorgeous woman who shows up just so Obelix can fall in love with her. She’s no actress, but she sure is hot enough to moon over.

And that’s the biggest problem with this film. Obelix has a crush on the girl, so he moons over her - just like in the comic book. Obelix eats a lot - just like in the comic book. In fact, come to think of it, Obelix (Depardieu) is basically Marmaduke. He’s either eating a lot, or he’s trying to be like people. He keeps trying to drink the magic potion, even though he doesn’t need it - just like in the comic book. The Romans crush Asterix and Obelix with giant rocks, and the rocks just push them down into a hole in the earth. Just like the comic book. The Romans attack in wave after wave, just to be punched out of their clothes. Just like in the comic book.

All of this made for some very entertaining comics, but not so much entertaining film. A lot of the humour here is visual, and the director has done a pretty good job in recreating the exact visual effects from the comics themselves. But that’s the stuff that just doesn’t work after a while. Now, I watched with my two step-kids, and they really liked the visual humour. But they don’t speak much French at all, so they missed the jokes that are actually funny. Asterix et Obelix Contre Cesar contains quite a bit of Monty Python type humour. There are also dozens of references to classic films, most notably Star Wars. Roberto Benigni shows up to do a memorable turn as the villain Detritus, and with his poor French accent, he really stands out. If you understand French.

And that’s the best thing about these movies for our kids. (Another one, Asterix et Obelix: Mission Cleopatre, comes out the same day, July 1st.) Not only is the French very simple, and easy to understand, the films are also so wild and cartoonish that you really don’t need the dialogue to explain everything. The kids enjoyed both, even though their command of the language is suspect at best. The film is not great. It’s only sort-of good. But it’s simple, the kids will like it, it will help them with their French, and Laetitia Casta is hot and there are lots of big jugs. So it’s worth your while in some way.