Cynical Cinema

I don’t know.  But I think I might be giving Cannon extra credit because I just watched Jake And The Fatman all day yesterday, and William Conrad is so fat in that show that he looks positively svelte in comparison when I watch Cannon.  He’s still pudgy, and he still wheezes when he walks, but he’s probably 100 pounds lighter, and that’s gotta count for something.  But I still can’t quite figure out the appeal of the show.  In the beginning of each episode, you see who the bad guys are, and what their plans are.  And then Cannon shows up and solves the crime and saves the day.  Every episode.  What they should have done is let at least one of the bad guys get away every season.  Then there would be a little drama in each episode.  Like, maybe this is the one where the bad guys get AWAY!

But that never happens.  In fact, nothing really ever happens.  Cannon is a tough guy, he’s relentless and he’s resourceful.  But he isn’t particularly interesting.  His most distinguishing feature is that he’s fat.  And he did THAT even better in Jake and the Fatman.  So I welcome any insight people can shed into this program for me.  From the first episode of Season One Volume Two, Cannon on a train, until the final episode, where a young kid in prison is being used by an evil gang with the help of a hot chick, I could not understand the appeal.  Then again, I did watch the entire season.

Season One, Volume Two of Cannon comes out December 2nd, from Paramount Home Entertainment.

I have been trying my best to figure out the popularity of Cannon. Season One, Volume One, gets released tomorrow by Paramount Home Entertainment, along with William Conrad’s other big series, Jake and the Fatman. Another one I don’t understand. Cannon was certainly better than Jake and the Fatman, but really all it could manage was being…decent. At best! Conrad plays Frank Cannon, a private detective who has apparently been fired from the police force for being too fat. At the beginning of each episode, he takes a case - charging lots of money to rich clients and very little to poor ones - and then follows the clues, talks to some people, and gets it solved within an hour. Which is fine, but where’s the interesting part? The part that makes it different from other private eye TV shows?

Maybe it’s the fact that he’s fat. Not many of the TV private eyes were fat. But, like I said in a review a few months ago about Mannix, Conrad’s Cannon suffers from the same lack of discernible talents. He isn’t especially smart - he always meets someone who tells him what he needs to know - he isn’t tougher than everyone else, or faster, or more deadly. So…he’s fatter? Is that really it? This series was a Quinn Martin production, and he did many that were better. Like last week’s release, Streets of San Francisco. I said that Cannon is better than Jake and the Fatman, and it is. Mostly because it’s not specifically irritating. But watching Season One, Volume One, really did make me question the reasons for it’s existence.

I have always been a big fan of Karl Malden. I think he is one of the all-time under-rated actors in all of cinema. His performance in Patton is almost on a par with that of George C. Scott. And he holds his own with Marlon Brando in On The Waterfront. But Malden gets forgotten quickly, because Scott in Patton and Brando in Waterfront are two of the most incredible, towering performances in the history of movies. But Karl Malden managed to forge an incredible career, both in movies and in television. One of the few brilliant actors to wind down his career on the small screen, Malden was the star of The Streets of San Francisco from 1972 - 1977. He continued to work in the 80s and 90s, with small roles and TV movies and so forth, but The Streets of San Francisco was really the last great thing he did.

When it comes to Michael Douglas, I am of two minds. At times, I find him to be an absolutely brilliant actor (Wall Street, Falling Down), and at other times I find him tolerable in small doses only (A Perfect Murder, Basic Instinct, Disclosure). Thankfully, Streets of San Francisco gives us Michael Douglas in small doses only. What with it being an hour-long program. But for the most part, this show is the good Michael Douglas. Very few TV shows in history have had two actors of this caliber working together for such a long time - six full seasons. Volume One of the second season comes out on DVD tomorrow, July 1st, from Paramount Home Entertainment.

The best thing about the show, other than the two lead actors, is the location filming. It’s actually filmed IN the streets of San Francisco, setting for such classic films and car chases as the Steve McQueen classic Bullitt. And those movies (and TV shows) become classic because the streets of San Fran lend themselves very much to the ol’ car chase. And there are certainly some cool car chases in this show. As far as police procedurals go, this one is pretty tight, and pretty quick, and it seems like they put a lot of thought into not just the settings but the procedure as well. It’s a little more logical and well-thought-out than other police shows of the era, and each actor, including the guest stars and the extras, knows exactly what he or she is doing in every scene.

And that is really my only, minor, complaint about the show. With talents like Malden and Douglas, there was a little more leeway to let them do their own thing, I would think. But Malden gets a little typecast as the crotchety ornery older cop. And every time we start to forget that he’s sour, they throw him a line so he can make the point again. The relationship between the two, while it’s generally solid, is constantly being pigeonholed into a father-son dynamic, even when it’s kind of unnecessary. And Malden’s insistence on constantly calling Douglas “buddy boy” really dates things. It all makes the show feel focus-grouped. But it’s “1970s” focus-grouped, so it isn’t all that bad. Like, it isn’t Tila Tequila or anything.

Season Two, Volume One, features some impressive guest stars, like James Wainwright, several episodes with Leslie Nielsen, and one with Martin Sheen as a bank robber. This was the first time Sheen and Malden appeared on screen together - the second time was twenty-seven years later when Malden did a guest spot as Father Cavanaugh on The West Wing in 2000. I don’t know if anyone will care about that. But I researched it because I cared, so I figured I may as well write it down. This is no good reason to watch Streets of San Francisco. But there are many other reasons. Malden, Douglas, and that incredible city with it’s incredible streets that lead to some incredible car chases.

The Invaders was a pretty cool series from the 1960s that existed for only two seasons. In point of fact, only a season and a half. It was kind of the antithesis of The Fugitive, in the sense that it was about a guy chasing others, rather than others chasing the guy. The guy is David Vincent (played by Roy Thinnes), an architect who is the only human alive who knows that aliens are invading the Earth. His being an architect is a pointless addition to the story, because it never comes up. He spends every episode running around, chasing the aliens (who of course have taken human form), and trying to warn the rest of the world. Thinnes is quite good, but the supporting cast around him changes so much in each episode that they are all very hit-and-miss.

But the rest of the world won’t listen. Either they think he’s just plain crazy, or they are actually aliens and try to silence him. Although, this makes little sense also. The aliens seem perfectly willing to kill anyone who is willing to expose them, and anyone who agrees with Vincent ends up dead. But somehow, they just keep leaving him alone! I guess it’s the only way the series could go on. But it didn’t go on long. In fact, it appears to have been mercifully short-lived, with the season and a half running time and all. And although it didn’t do too well, and was cancelled before it wrapped up and got resolved, it certainly was a harbinger of shows to come - V, The X-Files, and dozens of others. Maybe before it’s time, maybe not that good. Season One of The Invaders comes out May 27th from Paramount Home Entertainment. I assume Season Two (the final season) will be coming out soon. I am curious to see how it ends, or if it does end at all.