Cynical Cinema

Paramount Home Entertainment is releasing Season Five of NCIS on DVD Tuesday August 26th. NCIS stands for Naval Crime Investigative Service, but not once do they investigate anything that has to do with a belly-button. Oh, geez. I think I hurt my own brain with that cheesy joke. Sorry to subject you to such chicanery, I am simply trying to come to terms with NCIS. I want to describe this series using words other than “generic”, or “common” or “meh”. But nothing is springing to mind. In season five, they DO kill off a major character, which IS pretty new and cool.

But in the end, this show is still really…meh. There is a hot young guy who cracks jokes and does cool-guy stuff. Think Nick on CSI. There is a nerdy never-leaves-the-house scientist guy. Think David on CSI. There is a wise, older man overseeing the whole process. Think Grissom on CSI. There is a hot young woman who seems to place logic ahead of emotion. Think Sarah from CSI. And there is an older woman in charge, played by a formerly hot actress who is still very hot. Played by Lauren Holly in NCIS, or Marg Helgenberger on CSI. But it isn’t just CSI. I have seen these characters in Bones, and in NYPD Blue, and in Homicide. Also in JAG. NCIS is a spin-off of JAG.

The most obnoxious character is one I have seen in dozens of other shows as well. The airheaded moron chick who also happens to be a brilliant scientist. I can understand Abby not knowing the difference between a mocacchino and a latte. Or the difference between medium-rare and well done, or who won the World Series. But a brilliant scientist can’t possibly be this dumb in the rest of her life. Airheaded is one thing, but this woman should be dead. She is apparently too stupid to feed herself in her own home. And yet she can break down DNA in brilliant ways to discover the identities of killers and match voice prints to cell phones and all kinds of smart-girl stuff. But we’re basically meant to believe she’s never learned to tie her shoes, tell time, or read. Come on!

I don’t want to rag on NCIS too much though. But that’s pretty much exactly what I’m doing, isn’t it? By all rights, I should absolutely hate this show. It should really have been called NCSI, Neo-CSI. It is so generic, so obvious, and so…meh! But I do kind of like it. I like it because I like this stuff. The scientific police procedurals. There are some I can’t watch. Like, David Caruso is so obnoxious that I can’t bring myself to watch CSI: Miami. And simply because there are no characters that obnoxious, I can enjoy an episode or two of NCIS, sometimes in a row. It’s basically a show only for people who like this kind of show. And there must be a lot of people who like this kind of thing. Because almost all of these shows are still on the air. No matter how generic they may be.

There was a made-for-TV movie about the MIT students that took Vegas for millions of dollars at the blackjack tables a few years ago.  Try as I might, I can’t seem to find it now.  I believe it was Canadian.  It was being shown on the movie network this year, and it was pretty good.  It dealt with the same true story as 21, based on the book “Bringing Down the House”.  In fact, it was virtually the same movie as 21.  The only difference between the two movies is that 21 has better production values and a more well-known cast.  Kevin Spacey stars as the teacher at MIT who recruits a bunch of math geniuses to form a team that is ready to take Las Vegas for millions at the blackjack tables.

That team consists of Jim Sturgess, the smartest-of-the-smart, who is the last member recruited for the team.  Also Kate Bosworth, the hottest-girl-on-campus, and also Liza Lapira, Jacob Pitts and Aaron Yoo.  While the story deals with such themes as gambling addiction, the corruptive influence of Las Vegas, the ego clashes between team members, the modernization of Vegas and the shunting aside of the old guard, the questionable relationship between a teacher and his students, and of course the concept of “who your true friends are”.  But it deals with each of these themes so superficially that you already know how every moment of this movie will play out.

Every character is so obvious that it becomes clear within their first two minutes of screen time exactly how they will turn out.  The story arc of Jim Sturgess as Ben, the smartest kid on the team, is the only one that really gets fleshed out in the movie, but every moment of it is totally conventional film.  He joins the team to make money so he can go to Harvard med school.  (Although why someone with this kind of math genius would want to become a doctor is never explained.  It’s like they just figure “doctor” is the smartest thing someone can be.)  He gets sucked in by the allure of Vegas and money, and leaves his true friends behind!  And eventually gets out of control and his world comes crashing down…and so on and so forth.  I think we’ve all seen this a thousand times before.

The only character with some mystery is that of Kate Bosworth, who is either a femme fatale, luring Ben into this world of fast money and fast women, or she’s an innocent ingenue who also becomes corrupted by the influence of Vegas, OR she’s the only character who maintains her moral centre throughout the film.  Even after the movie ended, I was still not sure which one of these characters she really was.  But in the end, that wasn’t because the film makers wanted to give her that sense of mystery, but rather it’s because her character is so badly written that she actually is all of these contradictory things.  Bosworth is OK as an actress, but she isn’t quite comfortable in a role where no one (including Bosworth) really knows where her character is going in the movie.

21 is slick, polished and totally surface-deep.  Even the really interesting characters (like Laurence Fishburne as a casino security pro) get slicked-over, caricature treatment.  Which means that as far as brainless entertainment goes, 21 is pretty good.  It’s so smooth and polished that it gleams.  And many people who want to just sit back and enjoy a movie without thinking at all will enjoy that.  The problem I have with it is that this is a movie about the smartest math geniuses in the world, and an incredibly complex card-counting scheme, and yet the movie never makes an attempt to itself be smart.