Cynical Cinema

Harold And Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay hits DVD today, July 29th, from Alliance Films. It picks up right where the last one left off, with the pair having just returned home from White Castle. And now, they are preparing to go to Amsterdam to track down Harold’s new girlfriend Maria so he can profess his love. As they get onto the plane, Kumar makes a reference to the film Eurotrip. He says “this is gonne be just like that movie Eurotrip, only it’s not gonna suck, it’s gonna be awesome”. Well, it turn’s out he’s mostly wrong. While the new Harold and Kumar IS better than Eurotrip, that isn’t saying much. It still sucks.

The opening scene, picking up right where the superior Harold And Kumar Go To White Castle left off, involves a really gross fart joke and an even grosser masturbation scene. It’s not funny, it’s just gross. As far as opening scenes go, this is one of the worst in movies. Now, the film does get (marginally) better as it goes on. There is a good scene at customs that pokes fun at racial stereotypes and airport terrorist profiling. When they get onto the plane, that stereotyping continues, and it’s good for a few more pointed and clever laughs. When Kumar pulls out his smokeless bong in the airplane washroom, however, the laughs end as the incredulity sets in. Rob Corddry, from The Daily Show, provides a few funny moments as the federal interrogator, but again the possibilities for serious social commentary through humour are completely wasted.

Quickly, the pair get arrested and sent to Guantanamo Bay, where the inhumane treatment of prisoners is played for laughs, but not clever or pointed ones. And it isn’t funny either. They escape Guantanamo right away, hitch a ride to the U.S. with a boatload of Cuban refugees, get to Miami and go visit a friend. The Cuban immigrants could have provided a pointed satire on American policies on immigration…but they are wasted as well. Instead we get a party with hundreds of hot chicks naked from the waist down. That Eurotrip comparison is getting more and more apt. Harold and Kumar quickly manage to acquire a fancy sports car, and set across the country to finish two gigantic movie cliches - one being clearing their name, and two being to break up a wedding between the love of Kumar’s life and the Bad Guy of the movie.

This cross-country trip is the bulk of the movie, and has some decent moments. There is a lot of satire involving racial politics - the big scary basketball playing black guys who are actually upstanding citizens and orthodontists. The redneck inbreds who have a totally modern trailer equipped with all the modern electronic gizmos. And Rob Corddry, who shows complete insensitivity and utter idiocy when questioning black people, jewish people, Indians and Koreans. But the title of the movie is Harold And Kumar Escape From GUANTANAMO BAY. Guantanamo Bay. One of the most reviled, infamous and easily-lampooned American institutions. So why focus the satire on racial differences, instead of on Guantanamo Bay? Or terrorism? Or the treatment of Arabic-Americans? Or anything that is evoked by the phrase “Guantanamo Bay”? Every single moment that appears to be a set-up for that kind of sharp, intelligent satire is utterly wasted. For example:

Rob Corddry, berating witnesses, uses the phrase “you thought our national security was a joke?” Which is clearly a set-up for a good bit but…nothing. Harold and Kumar are in Gitmo, and they begin to get into a very interesting dialogue with two Middle Eastern men who clearly are terrorists. But just as the conversation reaches the level of interesting, the gay oral sex jokes begin. And then they escape. They are in Guantanamo for what appears to be a total of two minutes. And on their cross-country road trip, the only person they meet who is even close to a Muslim is their buddy who’s throwing the pantsless party. And rather than delve into something deeper, the big joke they get out of this guy is gross full frontal nudity. Hahaha…his penis is gross…

Once again, just as in the first film, the best moments in Harold And Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay come courtesy of Neil Patrick Harris, who has a slightly longer cameo in this one. With Doogie Howser, the boys make it through a roadblock, visit a whorehouse, and have drug-induced hallucinations about unicorns. These are the best parts of the film, and the meeting between Harris and Corddry verges on classic. But as far as the rest of the film goes, it’s pretty difficult to appreciate. I understand why it was made - White Castle was a big, surprise success, so it would stand to reason that they would attempt to capitalize by making a second feature. But a little effort in doing so would have been nice.

The effort, in this case, appears to have been made entirely with the DVD. The bonus features are pretty neat. You can watch the movie on a different setting, one that allows you to control the outcome. Some of the changes are throwaway changes - like, you can make the pantsless party a topless party. Why the filmmakers would have bothered re-filming that entire scene with bare boobs instead of bare bottoms, I don’t know…oh wait. I do know why they would have done that. Other options allow you to change the movie so that you’re watching an entirely different movie, one that was filmed long after the first one was over. If you decide not to let Kumar smoke his bong on the airplane at the beginning, for example, you get a twenty-minute alternate version of the movie where they actually make it to Amsterdam and meet up with Maria, and Kumar falls in love with a new girl and gets married.

But the problem is that these are special features that force you to watch more of a movie that already sucks. And I wouldn’t recommend that.

Harold and Kumar will soon be going to Guantanamo Bay, on the big screens. So it would only make sense that Alliance Films would release the original movie, yet again, in time for the new film to hit theatres. Whitecastle, for those of you who don’t spend a lot of time in the States, is a burger joint that sells these cute little square hamburgers that are delicious. The name-dropping in the title of this movie is not (I am assuming) some kind of nefarious product placement, it is merely an indication of the love that the counter-culture in the U.S. has for this particular fast-food chain. (The Beastie Boys have referenced Whitecastle several times over the course of their career.) It is the ultimate stoner fast food, and fat guys like me love it as well because we can eat eleven or twelve burgers at a time. The reference to Whitecastle in the title of this film is more an indication of the popularity of the chain among the stoner crowd, and not a random fast-food selection at all. Harold And Kumar go to McDonalds? No. Burger King? Don’t think so. Wendy’s? Please. Were it not Whitecastle, Big Kahuna Burger might be the only other place that would make sense.

And there is set the tone of the film. Yes, there have been hundreds, even thousands, of these irritating teen-stoner comedies. Or college-stoner comedies, or young-man-in-a-boring-job stoner comedies. But few of them have been as funny as this one. There are definitely stupid, pointless and terrible moments. Riding a cheetah? The old guy with the sores on his face? Come on. Horrible stuff in an otherwise excellent movie. What makes Harold and Kumar work are the stars, Kal Penn (who was recently very, very good in The Namesake and very, very bad in Van Wilder The Rise of Taj) and John Cho, (who was really irritating as the “MILF” guy in American Pie, and has been very good in small TV roles ever since). The chemistry between Penn and Cho is terrific, and they come off as our buddies. We all know guys just like this. Guys who are great, regular, fairly boring guys in everyday life, but who become a little crazy when the idea of getting stoned enters their head on the weekends. They are not the totally useless stoners who sit on their couches and eat Doritos and barely get up when you come over, but rather the ultimate weekend warriors who want to think weed is their way of life, but are wrong. They are stoner-poseurs. Or, at least, Cho is.

So the quest, while it begins as a search for Whitecastle, turns into a search for weed, which then becomes a hunt for girls, and then an escape from the law, and then returns, full circle, to Whitecastle. And while there are the obligatory gross-out jokes (battlesh**s), and the over-the-top moments (hang-gliding), it’s the little things that make this movie better than average. Doogie Howser - Neil Patrick Harris - shows up. As himself. With cocaine and hookers. And he steals their car. An inspired bit of casting. The scenes with John Cho trying to avoid the young woman his family wants him to date are perfect in their realism and simplicity. And the writing of the dialogue between the two stars is bang-on. This new Extreme! Unrated! Edition! is really nothing new. The special features are actually more juvenile than the movie, with the exception of a “back-seat” interview with Cho and Penn. And for those who are Harold and Kumar fanatics (you know who you are, ya stoners) there is a pretty extensive sneak peek at the upcoming Guantanamo film. If you’ve already seen this movie, don’t bother. If you haven’t, at least this gives you the chance to do so again. Just be ready to totally shut off your brain.