Cynical Cinema

Harold And Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay hits DVD today, July 29th, from Alliance Films. It picks up right where the last one left off, with the pair having just returned home from White Castle. And now, they are preparing to go to Amsterdam to track down Harold’s new girlfriend Maria so he can profess his love. As they get onto the plane, Kumar makes a reference to the film Eurotrip. He says “this is gonne be just like that movie Eurotrip, only it’s not gonna suck, it’s gonna be awesome”. Well, it turn’s out he’s mostly wrong. While the new Harold and Kumar IS better than Eurotrip, that isn’t saying much. It still sucks.

The opening scene, picking up right where the superior Harold And Kumar Go To White Castle left off, involves a really gross fart joke and an even grosser masturbation scene. It’s not funny, it’s just gross. As far as opening scenes go, this is one of the worst in movies. Now, the film does get (marginally) better as it goes on. There is a good scene at customs that pokes fun at racial stereotypes and airport terrorist profiling. When they get onto the plane, that stereotyping continues, and it’s good for a few more pointed and clever laughs. When Kumar pulls out his smokeless bong in the airplane washroom, however, the laughs end as the incredulity sets in. Rob Corddry, from The Daily Show, provides a few funny moments as the federal interrogator, but again the possibilities for serious social commentary through humour are completely wasted.

Quickly, the pair get arrested and sent to Guantanamo Bay, where the inhumane treatment of prisoners is played for laughs, but not clever or pointed ones. And it isn’t funny either. They escape Guantanamo right away, hitch a ride to the U.S. with a boatload of Cuban refugees, get to Miami and go visit a friend. The Cuban immigrants could have provided a pointed satire on American policies on immigration…but they are wasted as well. Instead we get a party with hundreds of hot chicks naked from the waist down. That Eurotrip comparison is getting more and more apt. Harold and Kumar quickly manage to acquire a fancy sports car, and set across the country to finish two gigantic movie cliches - one being clearing their name, and two being to break up a wedding between the love of Kumar’s life and the Bad Guy of the movie.

This cross-country trip is the bulk of the movie, and has some decent moments. There is a lot of satire involving racial politics - the big scary basketball playing black guys who are actually upstanding citizens and orthodontists. The redneck inbreds who have a totally modern trailer equipped with all the modern electronic gizmos. And Rob Corddry, who shows complete insensitivity and utter idiocy when questioning black people, jewish people, Indians and Koreans. But the title of the movie is Harold And Kumar Escape From GUANTANAMO BAY. Guantanamo Bay. One of the most reviled, infamous and easily-lampooned American institutions. So why focus the satire on racial differences, instead of on Guantanamo Bay? Or terrorism? Or the treatment of Arabic-Americans? Or anything that is evoked by the phrase “Guantanamo Bay”? Every single moment that appears to be a set-up for that kind of sharp, intelligent satire is utterly wasted. For example:

Rob Corddry, berating witnesses, uses the phrase “you thought our national security was a joke?” Which is clearly a set-up for a good bit but…nothing. Harold and Kumar are in Gitmo, and they begin to get into a very interesting dialogue with two Middle Eastern men who clearly are terrorists. But just as the conversation reaches the level of interesting, the gay oral sex jokes begin. And then they escape. They are in Guantanamo for what appears to be a total of two minutes. And on their cross-country road trip, the only person they meet who is even close to a Muslim is their buddy who’s throwing the pantsless party. And rather than delve into something deeper, the big joke they get out of this guy is gross full frontal nudity. Hahaha…his penis is gross…

Once again, just as in the first film, the best moments in Harold And Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay come courtesy of Neil Patrick Harris, who has a slightly longer cameo in this one. With Doogie Howser, the boys make it through a roadblock, visit a whorehouse, and have drug-induced hallucinations about unicorns. These are the best parts of the film, and the meeting between Harris and Corddry verges on classic. But as far as the rest of the film goes, it’s pretty difficult to appreciate. I understand why it was made - White Castle was a big, surprise success, so it would stand to reason that they would attempt to capitalize by making a second feature. But a little effort in doing so would have been nice.

The effort, in this case, appears to have been made entirely with the DVD. The bonus features are pretty neat. You can watch the movie on a different setting, one that allows you to control the outcome. Some of the changes are throwaway changes - like, you can make the pantsless party a topless party. Why the filmmakers would have bothered re-filming that entire scene with bare boobs instead of bare bottoms, I don’t know…oh wait. I do know why they would have done that. Other options allow you to change the movie so that you’re watching an entirely different movie, one that was filmed long after the first one was over. If you decide not to let Kumar smoke his bong on the airplane at the beginning, for example, you get a twenty-minute alternate version of the movie where they actually make it to Amsterdam and meet up with Maria, and Kumar falls in love with a new girl and gets married.

But the problem is that these are special features that force you to watch more of a movie that already sucks. And I wouldn’t recommend that.