Cynical Cinema

“Book ‘em, Danno.”

In my review of Hawaii Five-O Season Four, I suggested that the program was a blueprint for the career of David Caruso. Jack Lord and his bizarre hair and his silly-tough-guy delivery are very Caruso-esque, just thirty years earlier. And I also suggested that Hawaii Five-O is campy, dated, and totally hilarious in retrospect. And I was totally right. Season Five remains equally campy, equally hilarious, and equally worth watching while under the influence of…irony. Throw back a gram or two of irony, and you can enjoy Hawaii Five-O as much as you can enjoy Spongebob, Scooby-Doo, or anything done by Cheech and Chong.

Unfortunately, when I got my copy of Season Five of Hawaii Five-O, I was totally out of irony. I had an ounce on order, and I was waiting for delivery when I began watching the show. Eventually, I had to turn it off. Without a keenly developed sense of irony, this show just plain sucks. Even the episodes with Wo Fat, who is still awesome. Even the one with Ricardo Montalban is not very hilarious without irony. So make sure you roll up some quality ironic sensibilities before purchasing Season Five of Hawaii Five-O, out November 18th from Paramount Home Entertainment.

          One of the worst things you can say about a TV show or movie from the 70s or 60s or even the 1930s and 40s is that it feels dated.  That it doesn’t stand up over time.  That what was once considered classic is stuck, mired, in it’s own era, completely lacking the ability to maintain it’s relevance in today’s world.  And then, every now and again, being “dated” can actually be a good thing.  Such is the case with Hawaii Five-O, a show which may be the classic show that holds up the least over time.  And I love that about it!  It is so cheesy and mired in the seventies that it becomes hilarious to watch.  The Fourth Season of Hawaii Five-O comes out tomorrow, June 10th, from Paramount Home Entertainment. 

          Jack Lord as Steve McGarrett must be the most hilariously dated screen character available on DVD right now.  His hair is glorious, in a 1970s pre-Flock-Of-Seagulls sort of way.  This is the most dated hair on TV, next to MacGyver’s mullet.  His delivery is painfully cheesy, the one-liners and the tough guy talk are a cross between Clint Eastwood and Don Johnson, which just doesn’t work.  Well, any more, I guess.  The tough-guy showdowns between McGarrett and the big evil bosses (especially the wooden yet enigmatic Wo Fat, played by Khigh Dheigh) are ludicrous but SO entertaining.  It’s pretty clear to me that on CSI:
Miami, David Caruso is channeling 70s-era Jack Lord.  And for some reason, people still love that show, while I think David Caruso is hilariously over-the-top.  The legacy of the ludicrous cop.  A funny one, I think. 

          Also awesomely dated is that famous theme music.  One of the most familiar tunes in the world, I had never seen an episode of Hawaii Five-O, I couldn’t have identified the theme correctly in any way, but as soon as the first episode started up there it was.  This one’s up there with Bonanza as probably the greatest most recognizable theme music in TV history.  Another hilarious part of the show - prototyping the David Carusos that were to come - is that Steve McGarrett seems to be the only character on the show.  Oh, they’re a team, McGarrett and the other guy…played by James McArthur…what was his name?  Oh yeah.  Danno!  A guy who exists simply as a reason for Lord to utter the line “book ‘em, Danno”.  I’m certain this series was intended to be extremely serious in it’s day, but it has now become so campy as to be awesome.  Watch it next time you’re about to get into CSI:
Miami and look for the comparisons.  Then again, many people don’t get the humour in CSI:
Miami either, so perhaps they’ll watch this and be very entertained.  I know I was.