Cynical Cinema

Alliance Films came out with the Blade trilogy on August 26th.  It’s a two-disc edition, with two of the movies on one disc and one on the other.  There are no terrific special features, it’s just a plain, bargain set of the three Blade films in a package that is conveniently the same size as every other DVD in your collection.  And if you don’t have these films already, this is one you should add to your collection.  Here’s why:

Blade (8/10):  The original Blade movie was terrific, a real breath of fresh air in the world of comic book movies.  Wesley Snipes was big, muscular, bad-ass and mean.  Kris Kristofferson was amazing as Whistler, Blade’s mentor.  And Stephen Dorff was terrific as the bad guy, a vampire who wanted to trigger the Blood Tide - an event that would, I think, turn everyone in the world into a vampire.  Or something.  The point is, this movie was awesome.  Sword fighting, guns, vampires disintegrating and great special effects, and Snipes as the most ass-kicking, toughest, meanest comic book character of all time.  There was even some good comedy - mostly provided by Donal Logue, who kept getting his arm chopped off.  And for the really cult comic book fans - some appearances by Traci Lords and Udo Kier.  Terrific!

Blade II (10/10):  By far, the best of the series.  Directed by Guillermo Del Toro (Hellboy, Pan’s Labyrinth), this film is as pulse-pounding and visually impressive as any comic book adaptation could aspire to be.  (Well, until 2008 when The Dark Knight came along.)  Snipes is now even more bad-ass, and he is given some awfully cool villains with which to work.  Luke Goss appears as Nomak, a new breed of vampire that preys on both humans AND vampires.  So now the vampires want a truce with Blade, because they are after the same enemy for once.  And Blade hooks up with the Blood Pack, a cheesily-named group of vampire bad-asses who have been training their whole lives to kill Blade, but now must work with him.  Ron Perlman, as the tough-guy leader of the Blood Pack, is amazing.  And even the secondary characters are cool actors - Norman Reedus as a stoner hippie helping Blade and Whistler, and Asian action movie legend Donnie Yen even shows up as a kung-fu fighting member of the Blood Pack.  And the vampire princess, played by Leonor Varela, is one of the hottest women ever in a movie.  Visually stunning, never-ending action, and some seriously bad-ass characters and actors made this movie not just a guilty pleasure, but the best in the trilogy.

Blade: Trinity (3/10):  One of the biggest letdowns I have ever had at a movie.  Del Toro is gone as director, replaced by David S. Goyer.  Kristofferson is gone early in the film, replaced by Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Biel.  And I really like Ryan Reynolds - he even has some solid comedic scenes in this film.  But an action star?  Jessica Biel an action star?  I know she really wants to be, and she keeps trying and trying to be one, but she isn’t an action star.  Or a great actress.  She’s hot.  That’s about it.  I mean, stick to movies where you are hot.  Those, you can do.  Blade II had Ron Perlman and Donnie Yen.  Blade Trinity can only suffer by comparison.  But it isn’t just Reynolds and Biel that are the problem.  Snipes is the only genuine action star in the movie, but he is given just about nothing to do.  The script is dreadful, the concept just doesn’t work, and there are some really long, extended scenes that make absolutely no sense.  The other Blade films were genuinely dark, tough, gritty entries that could, on some level, be considered horror films.  This one is an absolute joke.  Not only that, Blade is now the co-star.  In his own film.  Because Biel and Reynolds are the real action stars.  Come on!  This one is total garbage.

 The two-disc Blade trilogy came out August 26th from Alliance Films.  Pick it up!  And ignore that third one.

Final Destination (4/10):  The first Final Destination movie was two things.  Terrible and great.  In a movie that follows the conventions of the teen-horror genre, it manages to be kind of original.  Sure, there are hot young actors getting into scary situations and so forth.  But Final Destination manages to inject some life into this.  You see, a kid (Devon Sawa) has a premonition about a plane crash.  When he freaks out and demands to be let off the plane, along with several others, the plane does indeed crash.  Then Death has to even the score, and each of those who escaped death on the plane get picked off one by one.  Which means there is no real villain, it’s just Death coming out of nowhere.  Which leads to some crazy, out-of-nowhere, all-of-a-sudden death sings which are genuinely jolting.  The special effects are cheesy and bad, the dialogue is inane, and Devon Sawa is simply dreadful as the lead.  But at least people get killed in really interesting ways.  Final Destination was directed by James Wong.

Final Destination 2 (5/10):  An even more ludicrous plot than the first one, with Ali Larter, the lone survivor from the first movie, locked up in a padded cell, terrified that Death is still coming for her.  When a girl (A.J. Cook) has a premonition about a car accident, she manages to save several people.  Again, Death comes for them, and they enlist Larter’s help to defeat Death.  Then there is some nonsense about a pregnant lady and a birth interrupting the chain of death.  It is an even-more ludicrous premise and idiotic denoument than the first movie.  But what makes this movie better is simply that Cook and Larter are much better actors than Sawa, the dialogue isn’t quite as stupid, and the special effects are better.  Which means those amazing death scenes are that much more jolting.  James Wong is out for this one, and David R. Ellis replaces him as director.  He is slightly less ham-handed, but this movie is still really stupid.  It’s just stupid AND fun.

Final Destination 3 (2/10):  The worst in the series.  At this point, we’re used to the crazy, out-of-nowhere deaths.  We know what to expect.  And of course, they’re still shocking.  But this plot, (now revolving around a roller coaster accident) is amazingly preposterous, even for this series.  After a pretty decent second installment in this series, they have gone back to the people who created the first one.  James Wong is back as director, and brings all of his ineptitude to the table.  Mary Elizabeth Winstead plays the girl with the premonition this time, and she is average at best.  There is a pretty good death scene involving a tanning bed.  But what makes this movie dreadful is…well many things.  Here are a few of them.  The special effects are, once again, dreadful.  The opening scene with the roller coaster is full of shaky cameras, bizarre camera tricks, and nothing cool.  The movie makes references to Abraham Lincoln and 9/11 when the kids start to investigate what’s going on.  A staggering series of leaps in logic that leaves us really angry.  We get even more angry as the death scenes, which are no longer a surprise, drag on.  And on.  And on.  Just kill them already!  We know what’s coming!  In fact, just kill this movie already.

The three movies came out in a package yesterday, courtesy of Alliance Films.  They are available in a bargain trilogy, all on just one disc.  Final Destination and Final Destination 2 are on one side of the DVD, Final Destination 3 is on the other.  There are no special features worth mentioning.  When it hit stores, there was a 2-disc edition of Final Destination 3 that allowed you to change the movie - choose how the characters die, whether they die at all - that was kind of neat.  But the movie was so bad to begin with that there was no possible way I could care about these special features.  Therefore, the best way to get this series IS on a single disc.  If you want to get it at all.

 Oh, and the FOURTH installment in this series is scheduled to be released in 2009.  Which might well make this “trilogy” incomplete.  Perhaps you’re better off waiting for Alliance to release a thirty-one disc box set of all thirty-one installments once this series has finally bled itself dry.  On the plus side - David R. Ellis will be directing the fourth movie, which means it might be pretty good, like Final Destination 2.

The Scream trilogy comes out in yet another form, August 26th from Alliance Films. And while the new edition of this trilogy is nothing special in terms of special features or extras or packaging, the series bears revisiting. It has been eight years since the final installment in the Scream trilogy, and there is a chance that the series has become somewhat forgotten, especially among the new generation of horror movie buffs. And this, I feel, is a shame. Because I truly believe that Scream is the best series in the history of horror movies. (Alien is a close second, and had they not gone ahead with Alien Resurrection I think it would be in first place. Alien vs. Predator and Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem don’t count.)

Scream (10/10):  The first Scream film is an absolute classic. A magnificent work by Wes Craven that managed to take a very standard genre - the slasher movie - and turn it into something brand new and tremendously exciting. The standard things one expects from a slasher film were kept intact. The hot young cast (with Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox and Rose McGowan this cast was hotter than most). The concealment of the killer’s identity until the very end. The creepy phone call that leads to a murder. And the other standard cliches - don’t go upstairs, or you’re dead. Don’t have sex, or you’re dead. Don’t do drugs, or…you’re dead. What made Scream fantastic and new was that it didn’t merely go through the motions with the cliches, it absolutely embraced them. In fact, the film is constantly calling attention to it’s own formulaic nature. It’s not formulaic out of laziness or lack of imagination, it’s formulaic by design. It becomes more than just a well done, genuinely scary horror movie. It also becomes a satire of pop culture, a jab at the debate over violence in movies, and an incredible moment for cultural reference. Scream contains many references to the past - other slasher films like Hallowe’en and Friday the 13th. But it also managed to become a part of that same culture in the future, giving rise to not only two sequels of it’s own, but a whole new genre of slasher film beginning with I Know What You Did Last Summer, and spoof movies beginning with Scary Movie. Very few single movies can boast an influence like that.

Scream 2 (10/10):  But Scream is not just the one movie, it is a trilogy. And the series did something unthinkable in horror movie history with their second installment. It got better. (Another nod to the Alien series here - #2 was better than #1.) The first movie was a genuine, scary, thrilling slasher movie while simultaneously being a parody of those same movies. An unbelievable achievement, but Scream 2 goes one better. It is a genuine, scary, thrilling and smart slasher movie. And it is also a parody of the slasher movies of the past. But in an amazingly successful and deft bit of directing by Wes Craven, it is a parody of the first film in the series as well, and becomes a parody of itself on a level the first movie couldn’t hope to attain. Famous satirists in history have attempted this incredibly difficult feat - satirizing one’s own subject matter while still maintaining a smart dialogue and interesting action. Perhaps only Jonathan Swift ever managed to perfect this art, with Gulliver’s Travels in 1726. Since then, maybe only Wes Craven has come close to matching that work. And it’s with Scream 2.

Scream 3 (6/10):  The third Scream movie sucked. Well, it sucked like The Godfather III, more because it couldn’t come close to living up to the previous two. Or, perhaps, like Alien 3. At the very least, however, Scream 3 was still scary and involved Jenny McCarthy and Piper Perabo, and brought back Courtney Cox and Neve Campbell, making it the hottest of the Scream movies. Oh, and it also had a cameo by Jay and Silent Bob. Cool points!

Thrilling, smart, funny, perceptive, contemporary and really truly scary, the Scream trilogy is a must-own for horror fans. If you already own it, don’t bother with this new Alliance Films release. There is nothing extra there. But for those of you who have never seen Scream or it’s two hugely successful sequels, this is a must-have addition to your DVD collection.

The original Prom Night movie, while by no means a classic, was at least profitable. It made 15 million dollars upon it’s 1980 release, and inspired at least a few cult followers. It sucked, but that has never been a huge determining factor when it comes to cult followings. That cult following, however, was enough to spawn three sequels (Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night 2 made about 2 million dollars) and now a bigger budget remake in 2008. That remake comes to DVD today, August 19th, from Alliance Films, and it may even be worse than the original. Which, as I have already said, sucked. The only thing Prom Night of 2008 has in common with Prom Night of 1980 is the title. Well, that and the fact that it’s a horror movie that happens on prom night. The 2008 version, in an absolutely amazing feat for a movie that was this bad, made 43 million dollars at the box office. Here’s the basic plot:

You see, there was once a teacher at this school who became obsessed with one of his students. He murdered her family, and came after her, but was caught and locked up. Now, on Prom Night, he has managed to escape from prison. The cops know exactly where he is going - to the prom, to get Donna (played by Brittany Snow). So the cops go to the hotel where the prom is being held. And they stand around foolishly, sucking at their jobs so much that not only does this killer get into the hotel, but he is able to check in and murder four people before the alarm bell even sounds. Once that alarm bell is sounded, the girl whose life has been traumatized by this predatory stalker is…the ONLY one who doesn’t leave the hotel in single file like everyone else. You see, she forgot her SHAWL upstairs. So she goes back to her room, where of course the killer is waiting.

After a narrow escape, she runs out the door with the killer in hot pursuit, right into a bunch of cops. Who still can’t catch him. With this killer still on the loose, they bundle Donna up into a car, and take her to the only other place in the whole city where the killer would know to look for her - her house. Now, with the young girl hiding out, all alone in her room, at home, the cops continue to sweep the hotel. It’s not just that these cops have never seen a horror movie, it’s just that they are terrible police officers. And Brittany Snow is a terrible victim. She does this thing where she scrunches up her face to cry, and her screams are at best unconvincing.

The biggest problem with Prom Night, however, is that it follows every major slasher-film cliche to the T, except for the most important one. The obvious stuff is there. The cell phones that are out of service. The cop in the car outside the window that is protecting the girl, and then the second look out the window and…his car is empty! But the one horror cliche that could have saved this movie, or at least given it a moderately cool factor, is not observed. That being the cliche where no one knows who the killer is until he is unmasked at the very end! We know from the very beginning WHO the killer is, WHAT his motivation is, WHERE he will strike, WHO he is after, WHEN he will get to her, and HOW he will get to her. Which leaves precious little drama in the process.

All the worst cliches in horror movies, and none of the charming ones, combined with a film in which absolutely nothing interesting happens, makes Prom Night one of the worst films of 2008. Garbage!

When I first started watching Rogue, the killer-crocodile movie out next Tuesday, August 12th, from Alliance Films, I was struck by the beauty of the scenery. Later, I was amazed at the quality of the filming. The killer crocodile is actually fairly realistic. Most of these killer-monster movies have a really cheesy, blue-screen monster that looks nothing like a real sabretooth tiger, or mammoth, or whatever it is. Or, they’re massive-budget, Jurassic Park type films with super-realistic monsters and dinosaurs. And Rogue falls somewhere between Mammoth and King Kong in terms of realism. Which is a pleasant surprise. The cinematography, the realism of the monster itself, and the fact that you can actually SEE it throughout the film make Rogue stand out from other cheesy schlocky monster movies.

And yet, the script is very much the same as other monster movies. At the beginning, the crocodile eats a big wildebeest. And then a bunch of tourists venture into it’s habitat. There are scared ladies who panic and freeze and put everyone else in danger. There are bad guys who get eaten by the beast, thereby saving the tourists from further irritation. There are stupid men who push little girls out of the way to go first in escaping and of course meet their well-deserved fate. There are smart guys and tough chicks and smart chicks and tough guys and kids and a dog. I bet that the dog, the kid, the smart guy and the tough chick are the ones who are left alive at the end of this movie…I was wrong. I won’t tell you which one dies, because I actually want people to watch this movie.

I couldn’t figure something out throughout the film though. There was so much cheese in it, and so many silly cliches, that I couldn’t tell whether it was just standard monster-movie idiocy or whether they were trying to be ironic and lampoon the monster movies of the world to a degree. The crocodile’s jaws make funny noises when they snap shut. Like that sound jar lids make when they are opened for the first time and that little freshness-seal button pops up. There is a LOT of blood, and some pretty gruesome death scenes. And of course there are all the characters who come straight from other monster movies. And I didn’t really know until the movie was already over. In the final credits. The song playing during the final credits - “Never Smile At A Crocodile”.

Never smile at a crocodile
No, you can’t get friendly with a crocodile
Don’t be taken in by his welcome grin
He’s imagining how well you’d fit within his skinNever smile at a crocodileNever dip your hat and stop to talk awhileNever run, walk away, say good-night, not good-dayClear the aisle but never smile at Mister Crocodile
You may very well be well bred
Lots ot etiquette in your head
But there’s always some special case, time or place
To forget etiquette
For instance:
Never smile at a crocodile
No, you can’t get friendly with a crocodile
Don’t be taken in by his welcome grin
He’s imagining how well you’d fit within his skin
Never smile at a crocodile
Never dip your hat and stop to talk awhile
Never run, walk away, say good-night, not good-day
Clear the aisle but never smile at Mister Crocodile

You know, from the Peter Pan soundtrack. And then I finally knew - it really WAS meant to be ironic! This was the big wink at the end of the movie that proved the film makers’ intentions. The movie was supposed to be cheesy and silly. And I would let people watch the movie and figure this out for themselves, but I assume that most people turn the DVD off for the credits. And as such they may be left with the confused feeling I myself had until I heard that song. So here’s what I suggest. Watch Rogue. Enjoy this movie. And take it all with a grain of salt. A grain of highly-entertaining, totally brutal and fun-filled salt.

The biggest problem with The Ruins is that it tries to be something it’s not. And by that I mean - it tries to be something new. And it isn’t. You see there are four hot college kids…stop me if you’ve heard this before…who go on a vacation to a foreign country…still with me?…and decide to check out an area off the beaten track that isn’t on the maps or the tourist brochures…is it different yet? Is it new? No? OK, how about this - there are plants. That kill people! Which is a little different. I guess. But the plants are not used for the scares. In fact, nothing is really used to scare us. And it’s supposed to be a horror movie. This supposed horror movie comes out July 8th, from Paramount Home Entertainment.

The thing is - the plants could actually BE scary if they were used well. The plants are able to imitate people, and cell phone rings, in order to lure people to their doom. This could be scary, or at least interesting. But this takes up about four minutes of the 93 minute running time. So the rest of the time we have the standard hot-teen-in-a-foreign-country horror cliches. Like, the fact that each of the hot kids takes turns being the sane one while everyone around is losing their minds. And the standard, gratuitous boob shot. The boob shot wouldn’t have made sense later on in the film, so they get it out of the way in a totally gratuitous way as early as possible. Then the cheesy, ridiculous lines that are supposed to be prescient - “four Americans on vacation don’t just disappear!” Come ON!

Then, of course, the torture-porn. The one kid, you see, is studying to be a doctor. So he knows when legs need to be amputated. Which is a great excuse for some seriously disgusting, over-the-top gory detail, which proves to be useless anyway, and certainly not scary. So, where does the “horror” come from? It isn’t the plants, because although they’re the villains, they’re underused. It doesn’t come from the gory gross useless flesh-cutting. And it doesn’t come from the people, who are just annoying. The best they can do are some vaguely creepy medical explanations from the vaguely creepy wannabe-doctor guy. So - there are no scares. And no scares in a horror movie makes for a bad horror movie. And The Ruins is certainly a bad horror movie.

Shannyn Sossamon looks to be the Jamie Lee Curtis of the last few years.  After One Missed Call came out on DVD a few weeks ago, she adds to her horror resume with Catacombs, a new horror flick about the Catacombs that apparently exist under Paris.  This myriad of tunnels apparently also houses thousands of dead bodies that couldn’t be buried elsewhere.  Well, this is actually true.  And they are actually lined and paved with human skulls.  That seems far-fetched to me, but wikipedia says it’s true, so I believe.  There is a cult classic called Les Gaspards, starring a young Gerard Depardieu, that was filmed and set in the creepy Paris catacombs.  It was far, far better than this one.  Here’s an indication that should have tipped viewers off - Les Gaspards, (The Holes in English), had permission to film there.  Catacombs didn’t.  Maybe because the people in charge of the catacombs knew how stupid this movie would be.

But here’s the thing - this movie should be good!  This is one of only two major motion pictures that has made use of the creepiness of the Paris catacombs, one of the most naturally creepy places in the world!  So how can you make a non-creepy movie about it?  Well, you can do a movie like this.  Catacombs reminded me a lot of one of those jokes that goes on for ever and ever and then has no real punchline, or an obvious one.  For example:  that joke about the guy who stays overnight at a monastery, and hears some really weird noises, but the monks say they can’t tell him what it is.  They say “I can’t tell you, you’re not a monk”.  So he becomes obsessed with finding out, so he sets out to become a monk.  And he takes eleven years of theology, and four years of monastery training, and becomes a junior monk, and moves up through the ranks until he gets back to the monastery (all explained in FAR greater detail in the joke).  And once he gets there, he can finally find the secret of the bizarre noises.  So he opens the door and you know what he sees?  I can’t tell you.  You’re not a monk. 

That’s the joke, where the punchline is irrelevant, the fact that it took two hours to tell the joke is what is supposed to be funny.  That’s how this movie feels.  The ending is not only a sour punchline to a pretty boring film, but it’s also completely implausible given the rest of the film.  (And, for those of you who have seen this, completely forseeable for the people involved, which makes their reaction idiotic.)  Shannyn Sossamon is actually a very hot, very good actress, and I really hope she manages to move on to something other than annoying horror movies very soon.  Also starring in this film is Pink, the singer, who is bizarrely hot in a goth-freaky-chick sort of way.  She’s pretty good too, but this movie is so boring it doesn’t matter. 

Getting lost in this creepy place could be good for some scares.  Especially if, somewhere in the shadows elsewhere in the catacombs, there was a homicidal maniac wearing (for some odd reason) a pig mask.  But just being lost in a creepy place could make for ten minutes of fright.  Not sixty.  The beginning is promising, with Sossamon arriving in Paris to meet Pink, her sister, and being taken to this creepy rave party in the catacombs.  She drinks some absinthe, and the guys try to creep her out with a story about a crazy dude in a pig mask who may very well be the antichrist who lives in the catacombs and kills everyone he meets.  Although it’s supposed to be a silly story, we know very well that it will turn out to be true.  And therefore…silly.

The first twenty minutes are like some sort of bizarre, obnoxious music video, with lights flickering so fast that you can hardly make anything out, and the strobe effect obscuring the right things at the right times which could lead to a huge scare…but it doesn’t.  Even the flickering camera and lights can’t pull off the most obvious scare, which is intended to begin the proceedings.  More flickering obscures other seemingly important plot points - like, did the cops actually kill that guy themselves?  Or what…who knows?  Then the catacombs.  Which are dark.  And full of skulls.  And creepy.  For ten minutes.  Then there are the noises in the distance, which are not frightening at all, but rather irritating and lame.  Of course, she has to eventually meet another guy lost in the catacombs, because one woman walking around, alone and lost, for an hour would be…tedious?  But the new guy is useless and is gone quickly.

This whole movie is basically useless, and was gone quickly.  It premiered on a scary-movie channel in the States called FearNet, and disappeared onto DVD almost right away.  Likely, it will disappear from there soon too.

If a line like “that’s not my ringtone” scares you, you might enjoy One Missed Call.  Then again, if “that’s not my ringtone” scares you, you really need to watch The Exorcist.  Or Alien.  Or Night of the Living Dead.  Because you are missing out on life, I think.  Cell phones are, try as they might in this film, not scary.  They are not even slightly fearsome.  They are just cell phones.  At best, they’re irritating.  The premise in the movie is that people are dying.  As they tend to do in horror movies.  Before they die, they get a voicemail message on their cell phones from the person who just died.  But it’s their own voice!  And that voice is scared.  And screaming.  And the message is dated at the exact time and date that they are scheduled to die.  Now, if you heard yourself say “if only I could get my head screwed on straight” at the exact time you’re scheduled to die, wouldn’t you really, REALLY avoid using that phrase?  Just a thought.

So these people know they’re going to die, but of course the main character can somehow figure out the mystery of where this evil comes from and why these kids specifically have been targeted.  None of it really makes any sense.  As Shannyn Sossamon gets the ear of sympathetic cop Edward Burns, the two of them are racing against the clock because you see…she got the call too!  Which leads to a final showdown in an…abandoned hospital.  Come on people.  Let’s stop using abandoned hospitals as creepy locations in horror movies, shall we?  Has the concept not played itself out by now?  How about an abandoned 4-H club, or an abandoned cardboard box factory?  We’re done with hospitals.  At least I am.  Then the final FINAL scare, because you know that there has to be another twist and another scare and another death before it’s all over.  Blah blah blah.  This is a remake of the genuinely chilling Japanese film of the same name, directed ably by the Japanese horror master Takashi Miike, who is one of the best in the world.  This film does not live up to his standard.

At least the star of the film is attractive, in a  Denise-from-the-Cosby-Show sort of way.  Shannyn Sossamon is gorgeous, and has a great story - one that is far better than the one in the movie.  She was discovered by a Hollywood casting director while DJing at a Hollywood party.  Figuring she looked a lot like Angelina Jolie (and she does - she is a cross between Jolie and Lisa Bonet from the Cosby Show), she was thrust into a starring role opposite Heath Ledger in A Knight’s Tale, a film that was designed to make stars of both actors.  It worked for Ledger in a big way, although the film itself didn’t fare particularly well.  And it worked a little for Sossamon, who next got a star turn in 40 Days And 40 Nights with Josh Hartnett.  But since then, she has been working in low-rent horror flicks like this one.  Don’t rent this or buy it or glance at it for free.  Instead, here are some pictures.  Who does Shannyn Sossamon resemble more?  Angelina Jolie or Lisa Bonet?

John Cusack can do clever dialogue in his sleep.  And at the beginning of 1408, he does.  He and Samuel L. Jackson engage in a very intelligent exchange, through which they both appear to be phoning it in.  You see, Cusack is a ghost-story-debunker, and Jackson is a hotel manager whose hotel has a demon room.  Room 1408.  Jackson does not want Cusack to stay in that room, but Cusack insists, and cannot be persuaded otherwise.  Sam Jackson and John Cusack will never suck, they are both too good for that, but their performances here are average at best.  Jackson is good, however, when he begins to warn Cusack away from the room.  His delivery, while matter-of-fact, is decidedly unsettling, and he gets better as the scene goes on. 

And the movie gets better as it goes on.  It’s based on a short story by Stephen King, which is nice and succinct and interesting.  But the movie expands on that short story in a big way.  And good thing too, because the story, while quick, to the point, and fun, would have made a fairly lousy movie, and the resolution would have been pretty trite and boring on screen.  For those of you who have read the story, rest assured.  It does NOT end the same way.  And it doesn’t develop the same way either.  The only thing the book and the movie have in common is the beginning.  Cusack is a writer, who has given up what looked to be a very promising career as a brilliant writer to churn out a bunch of low-rent ghost-story books about haunted castles and hotels and such.  And in the course of his research, he happens upon the Dolphin hotel, where 56 people have died in room 1408 since the hotel opened.

What happens next is not so much a ghost story as it is a bizarre, horrific acid trip for Cusack.  Describing what goes on would be pointless, since much of it is meaningless, a lot of it is boring, and very little is actually scary.  But there are some freaky moments, and frightening ones, that involve Cusack himself.  A tense moment on the ledge outside the hotel, and another tense claustrophobic scene in the air ducts above room 1408.  In the end, the creepy vibe and the actual scares come from Cusack himself more so than from his surroundings and the happenings in the room.  And as such, the movie is decent because Cusack himself is decent.  At times he just doesn’t seem cut out for the terror-acting, and at other times his bemusement turns to alarm which turns into fear in a very believeable progression.  As Cusack goes, so goes 1408.  He’s decent, the movie is decent.

Nightmare Detective opens with a scene of a man sitting at a table. Behind him, on the wall, is some super-long, disembodied hair, hanging from a hook like a hat. It takes a while to notice the hair, but when you do, and you realize what it is, you become instantly creeped right out. And that feeling will not leave you until this film is over. It’s the latest offering from Japanese director Shinya Tsukamoto, who has been called Japan’s answer to David Lynch or David Cronenberg. And that description is certainly apt. This man knows how to create a mood so creepy that even if nothing at all happens, the sense of foreboding resonates within the viewer. In Nightmare Detective, two things are constantly sources of fear and malice. Bridges and bicycles. They don’t sound so creepy thinking of them now, but these are the scariest bikes and bridges I’ve ever seen in a movie. And that includes that brilliant Emilio Estevez classic, Maximum Overdrive.

We are introduced to the Nightmare Detective almost immediately. You see, the guy with the hair on his wall is having a nightmare. And the Nightmare Detective is able to enter peoples’ dreams in order to explain them to those people, and perhaps they will not be so frightened. However, this man having this dream decides he would rather remain in the dream than wake up, and he chooses to die. This screws up Kyoichi Kagenuma, the Nightmare Detective. He has lost the will to live, after seeing so many scary and creepy things in his life. In fact, we are not sure he has ever had the will to live. And this ties in nicely with the theme of suicides. A series of incredibly brutal suicides have been taking place in the city. Each of the victims have stabbed themselves to death, in bloody and gory fashion, while having nightmares. And just before they do, they have all called the phone number “0″. Which I assume in Japan does not connect you with an operator.

Japanese horror movies love this kind of stuff. Something anyone could do - like playing a VHS tape in Ringu, or dialing 0 on a cell phone. Simple things that are accessible to regular people are scary when all of a sudden they become supernatural. It turns out that the guy at the other end of the phone sucks the people who call into suicide pacts with them, and has the supernatural ability to enter their dreams and go after them. Which is always creepy, scary and gory. The cops go after him, but anyone who calls him ends up committing suicide in their sleep. So they enlist the help of the Nightmare Detective, who is legitimately suicidal himself. The hot-chick cop who convinces him to help is played by Reiko Hitomi, one of the sexiest Japanese actresses in the world, but a relative newcomer to movies with international distribution. She eventually sets up the obvious Nightmare On Elm Street style showdown where she confronts the killer in her sleep, with help from the Nightmare Detective.

The final showdown, while it is obvious from the beginning, is bonkers and difficult to understand, and it goes on for a very long time. But somehow it works. After all, it is a nightmare, and all kinds of strange things can happen in a nightmare that don’t have to make sense. The fact that Tsukamoto is able to sustain terror and tense creepiness for a solid half-hour without making it tedious is a testament to his skill. Nightmare Detective is a solid, frightening horror film that is worth seeking out. It arrives in stores tomorrow, May 27th, from Alliance Films.