Cynical Cinema

Alliance Films is releasing Asterix At the Olympic Games today, November 11th. This DVD is a little different than the earlier Asterix DVDs, in that it is available with English subtitles and, should you want it, English dubbing. The first two Asterix et Obelix DVDs were in French only, but this one gets the English additions for the Canadian market. Also new is the guy playing Asterix himself. Gone is Christian Clavier, who played the character in the first two films, replaced by Clovis Cornillac. Perhaps they already had the dressing room for the actor playing Asterix outfitted with monogrammed towels, and they needed to find someone with the same initials to save some money. Because frankly, Cornillac is not the Asterix I have come to expect. Clavier was expressive, with a twitchy moustache and wide-eyed excitement. Cornillac is more of a preener, striking poses and looking bemused at his would-be opponents, like a French version of Cary Elwes. Not the same. Not cool.

Gerard Depardieu, however, returns in the role of Obelix, the beachball-shaped strongman who usually plays second-fiddle to Asterix. Although in this film, Asterix is given very little to actually do, and Obelix gets more face time. The real star of the film, however, is Stephane Rousseau as Alafolix, a Gaul who is in love with Princess Irina. She is portrayed, as is often the case in these movies, by a supermodel. This time the supermodel is the mouthwatering Vanessa Hessler, who has little to do except look extremely hot. And she does that very well. Once again, there is a new actor playing the druid Panoramix - this time it is Jean-Pierre Cassel, in his final film role. For the third time there is a new Julius Caesar, this time played by Alain Delon.

The basic plot of the film is that Princess Irina has decided she will marry the Winner Of The Olympics. How one guy can win the Olympics, and by extension the hand of Vanessa Hessler, is never clearly explained. Asterix and Obelix, with their super-strength and magic potion, are clearly winning all the events, which would lead me to believe that were the princess to honour her commitment, she would have to enter into a three-way relationship with the small mustachioed guy in the Viking helmet and the big fat hungry guy with Pippi Longstocking braids. I think I saw that in an adult film once, but how it would work here is unclear. It seems that everyone involved here has accepted the fact that if the Gauls win, Alafolix by extension wins, and he gets to marry the hot chick. However, if the Romans win, she will be forced to marry the unpleasant, devious and idiotic Brutus, son of Julius Caesar.

There are, as usual, some strange subplots. One involves Brutus constantly trying to knock off his old man, Caesar, which is a series of plots that meet with a Wile-E-Coyote level success rate. Another involves the Romans’ star athlete, a guy named (I think) Gluteus Maximus. Near the beginning of the movie, there is a rather unsettling scene where this big, muscular, athletic guy is sprinting through the forest and runs past Asterix and Obelix. Curious, the Gauls chase after him to find out why he is running so fast. They never really find out why, but still end up crushing him with a tree and then they beat the hell out of him. He wasn’t hurting anyone - this poor guy’s just out training. For the Olympics! They could have left him alone, you would think. I mean, sure, he bumped into Obelix a little bit as he sprinted by, but isn’t this reaction a little extreme? This makes Asterix and Obelix look like those muscle-guys in the bar who are looking for a fight every time someone jostles their elbow. Not cool, guys.

Also a little unsettling is the use of the magic strength potion to win the Olympics. After all, what kind of message does this send to kids? This movie is clearly created for children, then suggests that steroids are not such a bad idea? They call attention to this, administering a breathalyser test to the athletes and disqualifying Asterix and Obelix. But they are the heroes of the piece, and they laugh at the idea that the Romans have to cheat by banning them. But - they are using the potion! They are the cheaters! They should be banned! The Olympics appear to be held in Greece, which is historically accurate. Greece appears to be a part of the Roman Empire. Which is not historically accurate. They are clearly making a reference to the rock band Rolling Stones, but they say “Les Pierres Qui Roulent”. A lot of this doesn’t make sense.

Like the other two films in this series, Asterix at the Olympic Games features numerous references to other movies. Star Wars, Ben-Hur, and so forth. Most of these are distracting and pointless, but one stands out. There is a moment where Gerard Depardieu, as Obelix, whispers love poems to the love-struck Alafolix as he stands under Princess Irina’s window. It’s an obvious reference to Cyrano De Bergerac, a movie in which Depardieu plays the icon of unrequited love who whispers love poems from the bushes. Then he does the same for his dog Idefix, who falls in love with the princess’ dog. And that gets pretty stupid.

I like the way these movies are shot. I like the fact that they are colourful, the costumes are terrific, and yet you never forget you are watching a cartoon brought to live-action on the screen. But I think the biggest problem with the movies is the fact that (for France) they are big-budget. And when a film has a budget this big, film makers seem to think that the only way to truly justify that is to throw in as much stuff as they can, using up their resources and money. Which leads to subplots about dogs in love, inventions to kill Caesar, and a half-hour of unnecessary crap between the announcement of the climactic chariot race and the beginning of that race itself. Asterix At The Olympic Games is almost two hours long, but it should be about 80 minutes. That’s all the real content there is. We get it. Obelix is strong, Princess Irina is hot, the Roman guy is evil and stupid, now get on with the movie.

The best thing about the movie (other than the hotness of Vanessa Hessler) is actually the English dubbing and the English subtitles. How the English could be so strange and badly done here, I have no idea. But it’s hilarious! The hero of the story, Alafolix, gets his name changed to “Lovesix”. The king of Greece is named Samagas. In the English dubbing, this translates to something that sounds like “Boogerpus”. And the English subtitles to the scene call him “Obnoxious”. As though that is his name. Wouldn’t the single easiest thing to translate in a movie be the names of the characters? Even changing their names to things like “Jim”, or “Ted” would make SOME sense, if you wanted English audiences to see names they recognized. But why change a Latin name to something more incomprehensible? It’s pretty strange. And pretty funny.

There are some things that make Asterix At The Olympic Games worthwhile. The always-amusing Depardieu, the colourful, vibrant filming and set design, the gorgeous Vanessa Hessler. And of course the hilarious subtitles and some fun cartoon violence. But there are an equal number of things that make this film sag. The useless subplots, the overly long interludes between the action, and the questionable messages for children - steroid use, bar-brawl bullying, and attempted patricide. I’ll leave it up to you and split the difference in my review. With one extra half-star for the fact that it’s a great way to help your kids learn French, and another extra half-star for the cameos by famous sports figures - Tony Parker, Amelie Mauresmo, Michael Schumacher and Zinedine Zidane.

Tout Est Parfait came out August 12th from Alliance Films.  It’s a deep, moving, heartbreaking teen film with the abstract feel of some of Gus Van Sant’s best work.  It’s a French Canadian film directed by Yves Christian Fournier about a teenage boy who loses four of his friends to suicide.  It appears to have been a suicide pact where he was left out.  He begins to drift through life (even more than he already was) and hooks up with his best friend’s girl.  It’s tough to tell at times which of the characters are alive and which are dead, as he is constantly seeing his friends that have committed suicide.  It’s the resolution of this situation that creates the powerful and heartbreaking conclusion.

The lead actors, Maxime Dumontier and Chloe Bourgeois, are terrific.  They do a great job of conveying the disaffected confusion of teenagers, and they have many emotionally charged scenes together that are perfectly understated.  Their relationship, which is basically one of catharsis through sex, is a typical teenage relationship with this devastating undercurrent.  And the adults who play the parents of the dead kids are magnificent as well.  One mother has become almost catatonic, another father doesn’t know what to do with himself.  But all of them are making half-hearted and confused attempts to reach out to the surviving teenagers, with even more devastating results.  Tout Est Parfait is as moving as any Canadian film I have ever seen.

I remember, as a kid, going to the library and checking out the giant French Lucky Luke comic books. I read every single one the library had, and so began my infatuation with Western culture. Luke, the fastest gun in the West, and his adventures in continuously catching the notorious Dalton gang proved to be a terrific way to entertain myself over the course of a weekend, and also a great way to learn French. Now, the comic book series comes to DVD in the movie Lucky Luke: Go West, The Movie, out Tuesday August 26th from Alliance Films.

The movie is available in both French and English, and hilariously there is a third language available on the DVD - Quebecois. So you can watch in either French, or Quebecois, depending on your preference. I couldn’t tell the difference, so I chose “French”. The movie is much like the comic books. Silly, over-the-top, and yet somehow still steeped in Western lore. Luke, escorting a group of settlers from New York to California, has the Dalton gang in tow and in captivity. The Daltons, obeying their own code of the West, resent the attempts of the evil guy to break them out and set them free. They’ll free themselves, you see. They don’t need any help. Some funny pop culture references are thrown in throughout the film - an Indian attack on the caravan is represented from overhead like an old-fashioned musical dance number. Luke, after delivering the Daltons to the New York City courthouse in a suit, ducks into a phone booth to quickly change into his cowboy outfit. And the Indian smoke signals are represented, for the modern audience, as emoticons.

Watching this DVD brought back a lot of pleasant childhood memories for me, and I recommend this film as a terrific way to teach French to your kids. Full of ridiculous humour and endless silly action, Lucky Luke: Go West is a throroughly worthwhile way to entertain yourself for a weekend. Or even two.

Alliance Films is releasing Francois Girard En Trois Actes this coming Tuesday. I think the main reason for this is likely because they are releasing “Silk” the same day, and that movie may well taint the legacy of Girard. It is, without a doubt, the worst movie he has ever done. He has done some good ones (The Red Violin) and some great ones (Thirty-Two Short Films About Glenn Gould). And now, a really terrible film. But Francois Girard en Trois Actes is worth watching. Far more so than Silk, anyway. It deals with three massive stage productions put on by Girard, who has been a brilliant director of both stage and screen. These productions are “Le Proces”, “Lost Objects” and “Sigfried”. There are interviews with dozens of people who are either involved with the projects themselves and also outsiders who just admire Girard’s talent. Atom Egoyan, maybe the most celebrated Canadian film director of them all, makes several appearances, and his entire interview is available on the DVD as a special feature. So too is the interview with Martin Scorcese, an interview that is both informative and fun.

Martin Scorcese is without a doubt the most interesting interview subject for any documentary about film. He is so passionate and excitable that he can create interest in anything, even if it’s something we would never have considered cool to begin with. (His personal documentary, A Journey Through American Films With Martin Scorcese, is a must-watch for any film buff.) But Francois Girard En Trois Actes is about stage productions, not film. And it would definitely help to be bilingual to watch this documentary, since so many of the interview subjects are francophone. It’s a fascinating look at what goes on behind the scenes of a stage production, and how massive an undertaking it really is to put on an opera or a play. And that really is a huge job. Francois Girard En Trois Actes. Disponible Mardi aux magazins qui vent les DVDs. Just don’t rent Silk.