Cynical Cinema

Until the advent of Sarah Palin, with her striking resemblance to Tina Fey and her amazing inability to answer easy questions coherently, the easiest public figure to lampoon was George W. Bush. After all, the man has not only been dangerously inept, historically unpopular, and frighteningly zealous, he has also been incredibly bad at using words to create sentences, which makes him come off as hilariously stupid. Mixed metaphors, mispronounced words, questionable grammar, and a rather poor handle on facts have made the current American President an easy target for comedians and satirists alike. Now Paramount Home Entertainment is releasing an anthology of these humourous looks at a dangerously unqualified man. Comedy Central Salutes George W. Bush hits DVD on October 21st. It’s a collection of George W. Bush related moments from Comedy Central over the past eight years. The past eight long, painful years.

And as it turns out, even with this incredibly easy-to-mock subject matter, the DVD itself manages to be long and painful! It begins well, with an episode of South Park where Cartman blames Kyle for 9/11. Eventually, the boys meet up with Bush and some intriguing yet bonkers conspiracy theories are revealed. A funny episode from a funny show, featuring some genuinely creepy moments involving the Hardy Boys, for some reason. What follows is a sub-par episode from a sub-par show. Lil’ Bush is just not that good. Obviously this disc was going to contain an episode, and in fact it contains two. But there are some episodes of this show that are better than others, and they have chosen two of the worst. For example, why not pick an episode that genuinely lampoons Bush, like the one involving Lil’ Karl Rove? Instead they have chosen an episode that centres around Lil’ Cheney having sex with Barbara Bush and ending up stuck in her womb. Which is just disgusting, not funny at all, and really has little to do with George W.

After sitting through two episodes of Lil’ Bush, one boring and one unpleasant, we get to a truly bizarre show I never knew existed. That’s My Bush is a really strange show lampooning the Bush family in a sit-com style. It’s basically a scenario that asks “what if George W. Bush starred in a sit-com?” It doesn’t really satirize the president, because it doesn’t touch on his policies at all, or his views or his outlook as president. It goes through the motions of a sit-com. Only it stars George Bush and Laura Bush. Get it? I don’t. It’s a satire of sit-coms, not of Bush. In this particular episode, Bush is trying to hold a meeting to unite the leaders of the pro-life movement with the leaders of the anti-abortion movement, all the while attending a nice, sit-down, romantic dinner that he has promised Laura. So he constantly runs back and forth from the dinner to the meeting, and hijinks ensue. Not once do we get any satire on his own personal views on Roe vs. Wade, we just get the sit-com spoof of him switching dinner jackets a bunch of times.

Then there is some respite from the terrible, with an episode of Lewis Black’s Root of All Evil, one that pits Paris Hilton against Dick Cheney. A very funny episode, but one that deals only tangentially with Bush himself. Then The Last Laugh Squad, a cartoon featuring Black again, along with some other comics, as they shrink themselves, get into a spaceship, and fly up Bush’s ass. Considering the talent in the episode, this is a pretty poor comedic vehicle. Finally, we get to some stand-up clips from Greg Giraldo, Patton Oswalt, Lewis Black again, and Frank Caliendo doing his Bush impression. Some of this is quite funny, but it’s all too brief, and Carlos Mencia’s bit about Bush being the president of Iraq in 2026 is absolutely awful, and not funny at all. Considering all the fodder Bush has provided Comedy Central over the past eight years, I am sad that this DVD is the best they could manage. They would have done much, much better cobbling together a couple of hours of moments from The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, and ignoring most of this stuff altogether.

I love Rent-A-Goalie. It just keeps getting better and better, and season three starts off great tonight at 9:30 on Showcase. Cake, the proprietor of the Rent-A-Goalie enterprise, discovers there is a secretive cabal of hockey people called “upstairs” dedicated to keeping hockey in Canada at all costs. When Cake gets blamed for the upcoming move of the Edmonton Oilers to Texas, he runs afoul of Upstairs. Guest starring in tonight’s episode are Paul Coffey, Phil Esposito, Darryl Sittler, Bob Probert, and Hayley Wickenheiser. Watch it.

Paramount Home Entertainment is releasing Season Two of one of my favourite TV shows on October 14th. The Sarah Silverman Program is not just one of my favourite TV shows in the world, it stars one of my favourite people in the world. Sarah Silverman is reasonably attractive. In fact, she’s pretty. But that’s not why I love her. She is hilarious, but again, that’s not her best quality. The reason I have told my girlfriend I would leave her for Sarah Silverman is that she has absolutely no boundaries. At all. Think of the most offensive joke you can, and how that joke could be made even more offensive, with the addition of racial humour, or toilet humour, or an extra bit of dialogue about AIDS. Sarah Silverman has already thought of it all, and is a few steps ahead of you. She has crossed the line you’ve imagined, taken it three steps further, and added something else that YOU would never in a million years have thought of saying.

And the best thing about this humour - it all works! The Sarah Silverman Program is one of the smartest, funniest, most offensive shows in the history of television. In Season Two, she joins a radical anti-abortion group without understanding what they’re all about, then quits because she really loves having abortions. She wears blackface for an entire episode, in a bizarre bet with a black friend as to who has it tougher - blacks or jews. Oh, and her mother has her corpse defiled by grave robbers, and she licks her own dog’s anus.

It’s easy to find humour this offensive on the internet and even elsewhere on TV. But nowhere else is it done with such a whimsical sense of fun, or such a brilliantly subversive stroke of genius. Check out this TV series. Do it today. This is what humour is supposed to be.

The first episode of Lil’ Bush: Resident of the United States begins with a spoof of the Sarah Silverman “I’m f***ing Matt Damon” bit from the Jimmy Kimmel show. Only in this case, Lil’ Bush is f***ing John McCain. Because McCain was in the news at the time. It’s a painful, unfunny spoof to kick off the second season of a show that is, in itself, painful and rarely funny. Paramount Home Entertainment releases Season Two of Lil’ Bush on October 14th, and although it is slightly better in the second season than it was in the first, it is not exactly great. It’s mostly better because of the addition of a few more recognizable characters. Lil’ Al Gore becomes a prominent character, as Lil’ Bush and his cronies (Lil’ Rumsfeld, Lil’ Condoleeza Rice and Lil’ Cheney) give Gore a swirly in the toilet, and are caught on tape by Lil’ Wolf Blitzer. Why Wolf Blitzer? Who knows. It strikes me that if they wanted to bring in some new figures worth mocking, they could have done better. Like a Lil’ Keith Olberman or a Lil’ Bill O’Reilly. But then, I wondered why, in the first season, there was no Lil’ Karl Rove.  I’m getting pretty tired of typing the word “Lil’”.  But here goes more.

There is now a Lil’ Dennis Kucinich, a Lil’ Mitt Romney, a Lil’ Rudy Giuliani, and a Lil’ Fred Thompson. All of which make very brief appearances. You can tell when the episodes are being made simply by the characters that appear. The St. Patty’s Day episode was clearly made during the Democratic primaries, what with the Lil’ Obama - Lil’ Hillary fights. The problem is, it’s tough to tell when this series was made, because of the cultural references from different eras. It appears to be set during a time when George Bush, Sr. is president, because it makes references to He-Man. But then, moments later, the show makes reference to last night’s episode of House. It’s a little disconcerting.

The best part of season two, however, is the addition of a character who ought to have been added early on in the series. And, in fact, he should be as much a part of Lil’ Bush’s inner circle of cronies as is Lil’ Rumsfeld or Lil’ Condoleeza Rice. Lil’ Karl Rove makes a big splash when he is introduced, as a solitary, demented, anti-Democratic maniac. The bit with Lil’ Rove is pretty smart, certainly better than the average fare you get from this series. But although the Lil’ Rove episode is very good, the rest of the series is not. It’s OK, but the satire is not nearly as biting as it ought to be with this subject material. It feels lazy. Like, Lil’ Al Gore wants to save the environment. And Lil’ Barack Obama keeps saying “yes we can”. And Lil’ John Edwards shows up to chase skirts. It isn’t exactly brilliant, it’s merely an obvious reflection of the stories that are in the news at the time. And it feels like just about anybody could do that. And why would you want to buy the box set of a TV show that you could have produced yourself?

Paramount Home Entertainment releases another Spongebob DVD on October 14th. WhoBob WhatPants features a special episode of Spongebob where he screws a bunch of stuff up, makes his friends angry, decides to leave town forever, develops amnesia, and becomes mayor of New Kelp City. He runs afoul of some gangster fish who appear to have just emerged from an underwater version of West Side Story. I am going to put this out there right now: Spongebob is still one of the best shows on television. Not just one of the best kids’ shows, but one of the best television programs, period. And it’s actually…smart? Like a kid-centric Simpsons or Family Guy, Spongebob remains consistently hilarious and totally watchable. I didn’t pick up this DVD for the kids, I grabbed it for myself. I love this show.

Included on this DVD are five other episodes of this awesome show. One where Plankton turns Mr. Krabs into a baby in order to obtain this formula for Krabby Patties, and one where Squidward becomes disfigured in an accident, but his disfigurement leaves him looking handsome, and the whole town of Bikini Bottom goes crazy for him. There is an absolutely fantastic episode, when a harsh wind blowing through the town makes music when it passes through Spongebob’s pores, which attracts jellyfish to him. This creates one of the most memorable lines I can remember in recent Spongebob history - “they’re attracted to my whistly holes”. It also leads Spongebob to build a strange yet awesome underwater version of Stonehenge. Or, Spongehenge. Then there is the episode featuring the United Organization of Fish Against Things Fun and Delicious, which bans Krabby Patties, and the episode where Spongebob’s cousin comes to town and messes up everyone’s life.

The special features are nothing interesting. The best one is a series of four shorts, entitled “What If Spongebob Was Gone?”, but each one is about 20 seconds long, and it’s fairly worthless. But the DVD is worth picking up just for the Spongebob show itself, which remains one of my favourites. Go Spongebob!

Alliance Films releases 3-2-1 Penguins: Save The Planets on October 14th. While 3-2-1 Penguins is done by the same people who do VeggieTales, this series does not make it to the level of VeggieTales in terms of humour and fun. The fun in this series seems to be derived simply from the fact that there are penguins. And they’re in space. Whee! Simply having a ridiculous premise seems to be enough for 3-2-1 Penguins. The characters are all the standard ones you find in cartoons all over the world, especially the leader of the penguins, a big dude with Elvis hair who is a complete idiot. So…he makes the wrong decisions, and the rest of the crew have to compensate. Nothing we (or our kids) haven’t seen hundreds of times before.

This particular DVD features three episodes of the show, and the humour in each individual episode comes from more ludicrous ideas. So…they’re on a planet, and it’s populated by talking sheep! Hilarious, no? They throw peanut butter at their computer! This is about all the funny they can manage. And it isn’t that much. And then at the end of each episode, the human characters, Jason and Michelle, learn some kind of moral. Like, the grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence. It’s a pretty irritating show, and it’s no VeggieTales.

The rating on The Forbidden Kingdom is PG-13.  At least, on the box, that’s what it says.  Frankly, this is one of the least violent PG-13 movies I have ever seen.  There is no swearing, and not one single boob.  I think people see “kung-fu” and immediately think there must be enough violence to justify a PG-13.  But only a few kung-fu movies are truly brutal and bloody and violent.  And The Forbidden Kingdom is certainly not one of them.  Many kung-fu movies could well be considered kids’ fare, and I think this is one of them.  The martial arts scenes, while they are good and well choreographed by Yuen Woo Ping (Kill Bill, Fearless, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon), they are for the most part bloodless and at times almost cartoonish.

This movie appears to be made for children, and now is the time to do that, what with the success of the amazing Kung Fu Panda recently.  The key here is Jackie Chan.  His American movies, for the most part, have been kids’ movies.  The teaming of Chan and Jet Li is, in a sense, historic.  But teaming Li with Chow Yun-Fat would have made, one would assume, for a far more violent and dark outing.  The Forbidden Kingdom is a breezy, silly, comedic film about a staff, a monkey king, and a drunken master.  No one plays the drunken master quite like Jackie Chan, and no one plays a monkey kung-fu king quite like Jet Li.

That being said, the movie isn’t all that good.  After all, this is the teaming of Jet Li and Jackie Chan.  And the star is a young white kid?  Michael Angarano finds a staff, gets transported back into ancient China, and embarks on a quest to return the staff to the monkey king.  He is accompanied by two teachers, Li and Chan, who have a sort of half-assed rivalry between themselves.  He encounters a young Chinese girl, for the purposes of having a romantic entanglement.  And then there are the bad guys, like the Jade King and his main assassin, a ruthless woman with long white hair.  All the kung-fu movie cliches are present in this film, and while it seems as though they are trying to pay homage to the tradition of kung-fu flicks, it sometimes feels more like they are going through the motions.

The kung-fu action is pretty good, if cartoonish.  The story is weak, but standard.  The one thing I really liked about this movie, however, is that the young kid at the centre of the whole thing makes some sense.  Usually, in a kung-fu film, when someone is destined to do something, they are either a martial arts master who has been trained since birth, or they have some kind of magical power that is unleashed after three weeks of training with a master.  In this case, after his all-too-brief training with Li and Chan, Jason is NOT that good at martial arts.  He can’t defeat the Jade King, or his assassin, on his own.  After all, he’s been trained for a mere three weeks.  He needs Jet Li and Jackie Chan to come to his rescue at the end.  And that is the most original thing about this movie.

Not a great movie for kung-fu buffs, not the brilliance one would hope for from the pairing of Chan and Li, and not exactly earth-shattering.  But for the kids, who are riding the kung-fu wave after Kung-Fu Panda, this is a pretty great film to watch as a follow-up.

Romantic comedies are one of those genres that make me cringe just thinking about them.  They often involve Hugh Grant or Meg Ryan and some crying.  There is always some major event or misunderstanding that takes place twenty-one minutes before the end of the film that shakes the foundation of the relationship we’re watching, and of course it gets resolved within that 21 minutes and everyone lives happily ever after.  And girls laugh, and then cry, and then laugh again as they watch.  And I usually curl up in a ball and try to suppress my rage.  This time, however, this was not the case. 

With Forgetting Sarah Marshall, my girlfriend did indeed laugh and cry.  But that was because she laughed until she cried.  And her sides hurt.  And mine too.  This movie is absolutely hilarious.  Judd Apatow (of Knocked Up and 40-Year-Old Virgin fame) produced this film, directed by Nick Stoller.  It stars Jason Segal as Peter, a guy who does the music for one of those CSI-type crime shows.  You know, the guy who plays the intense, moody music when David Caruso takes off his sunglasses?  He is dating Sarah Marshall, the star of that crime scene show.  Until, two minutes into the movie, she breaks up with him, leading to perhaps the funniest nude scene I have ever seen in a movie.  You see, he figures she can’t really break up with him until he puts clothes on to have a conversation.  So he just won’t put clothes on.  (Yes, it IS full-frontal male nudity, the best kind of comedic nudity!)

Then, with help from his not-terribly-helpful step-brother, Peter decides to go on vacation in order to get his mind off Sarah, and of course manages to end up at the exact same resort she does.  Sarah is there with her brand new boyfriend Elvis Snow, a huge international rock star played to perfection by the absolutely hilarious Russell Brand.  While Elvis is now Peter’s biggest rival for the affections of Sarah, and Peter should by all reasonable logic feel some resentment toward him, he ends up kind of liking him.  And so do we.  Brand plays Snow as such an un-self-conscious doofus of a rock star, that it is impossible to make him into the villain of the piece.  In fact, there really isn’t much of a villain at all, unless it’s Sarah Marshall (Kristen Bell) herself.

The supporting cast is amazing too, including Paul Rudd as a perma-stoned surfing instructor, John Hill as a waiter with a rather unhealthy obsession with Elvis Snow, and several gigantic men who serve as comedic relief in dozens of scenes.  The one scene here that I think perfectly exemplifies the reason this movie is so great is the scene where one of these gigantic Hawaiiam men recruits Peter to help him prepare the pig for dinner.  And Peter has to actually kill the pig.  In so many other movies, this scene would have lasted nine minutes.  And it would have squeezed every bit of comedy it possibly could out of the “he has to stab the pig and he hates it” joke.  But in this movie, the scene lasts maybe twenty seconds.  There is probably only twenty seconds of real, true hilarity to be derived from a scene such as this one, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall makes absolutely sure that those twenty seconds are the only ones we see.  It’s a remarkable demonstration of restraint in a 2008 R-rated romantic comedy.

And then there’s Mila Kunis.  Jackie from That 70s Show is a revelation in her role as the desk clerk at the Hawaiian hotel where Peter and Sarah and Elvis are staying.  And it’s pretty clear early on that she will become the catalyst for Peter to either get over his ex-girlfriend or break down completely.  The chemistry between Kunis and Segel is magnificent, and she is incredibly charming.  To the point that we, the audience, immediately root for her, no matter what her role will be in this movie.  Watching her face while Peter performs a song he wrote for a Dracula-themed puppet-show musical is just awesome.  Hilarious and charming and brilliant.  Just like this movie.

Anyone who watches South Park knows that without Eric Cartman, this show would not be close to what it is. And now, Paramount Home Entertainment and the people behind South Park have acknowledged this fact with the new DVD set The Cult of Cartman: Revelations. A series of 12 episodes, the very best (or worst) of Eric Cartman, combined with Cartman’s philosophies of life. Philosophies like, of you are sinned against, be prepared to retaliate a thousand-fold. Which is exactly what he does in the opening episode, the truly shocking and heinous “Scott Tenorman Must Die”. This is Cartman’s most despicable (and therefore most brilliant) moment in all of South Park. Watching him lick Scott Tenorman’s tears at the end of this episode might be the freakiest, creepiest moment in TV history. Well, next to that time a drunken Joe Namath hit on Suzy Kolber on the sidelines during Monday Night Football.

Every episode here is a winner, and each one comes complete with an introduction by Cartman himself, inviting you to worship at the altar of the most despicable character in cartoon history. His wisdom is suspect, his morals are corrupt, his motives are selfish at best and heinous at worst. But boy, can this kid ever preach! Great episodes like “Awesome-O”, an episode where Cartman dresses up as a robot to put a mean practical joke over on Butters, but upon finding out that Butters has an incriminating video tape of him, he must stay in his robot costume for days on end until he can find that video. The Tourette’s episode, where Cartman pretends to have Tourette’s Syndrome so he can swear whenever he likes. Then there’s the one where he pretends to be mentally handicapped so he can win money at the Special Olympics. And, although it isn’t the most despicable moment in Cartman’s career, it is likely the most offensive: The episode where he contracts HIV through a blood transfusion, and then purposely gives it to Kyle when he laughs at him.

I am not exactly ready to worship at the altar of this horrible, horrible little boy. But I am certainly ready to watch him doing what he does, and I will indeed sign up for his fan club. The Cult Of Cartman: Revelations DVD set comes with a sticker for your bedroom wall when you pray, and an official membership card for the Eric Theodore Cartman Society. All of this is great. All of Cartman is great. Well, in the worst possible way.

Paramount Home Entertainment has come out with another classic television series. The Beverly Hillbillies, Volume Two comes out on DVD Tuesday, October 7th. This is a show I just saw for the first time, and although it’s cheesy and silly and relies far too much on that sitcom-style of misunderstanding, it’s still quite funny. My nine-year-old stepson came in the room as I was starting the first episode. And although I became rather tired of Granny and Elly May et al after about three episodes, I was not allowed to turn off the DVD until we had run through all seven episodes on Disc One. We saw Jethro become romantically entangled with an exotic dancer. Which surprised me - not because Jethro wouldn’t want to sleep with a stripper - after all, he’s a man. But it surprised me that there were strippers who would come to your house and perform in 1963. I learned something, from the Beverly Hillbillies.

Actually, there are a lot of things we can learn from the Beverly Hillbillies. Granny gets a mule to plow her front yard, so she can grow her own turnips and parsnips and such-like. Which is a great idea - shouldn’t everyone in opulent Beverly Hills be growing their own food on their massive acreage? You know, eating local foods and all that? Saving the world? We could all learn something from Jed and Granny Clampett. Who would have thought that the hidden messages in The Beverly Hillbillies would remain so relevant today? The show is pretty dated, relying so heavily on coincidence and misunderstandings. I mean, how could a stripper, even a complete moron stripper, really believe that a family of four with an ancient Granny and two young kids, would hire her to do a show in their house? And where do the Clampetts keep finding all those possums?

Paramount Home Entertainment is in the Christmas spirit. A little early, if you ask me. But they didn’t ask me. They just went ahead and released the Holiday Treats DVD today, October 7th. It’s billed as “8 heartwarming TV classics”, and it actually delivers. For although I have not yet become imbued with the Christmas spirit, and I will likely hold off on that until about December 22nd, these TV episodes stand on their own. I had just turned on the I Love Lucy episode to take a quick gander at the DVD, and I was joined by my nine-year-old stepson. And he forced me to sit there, through eight episodes of Christmas cheer. And, with the exception of the Frasier episode, he laughed the whole time.

There is an episode of I Love Lucy where Lucy and Ricky put up a Christmas tree while reminiscing about the birth of their child. Then The Honeymooners, where Ralph sells his bowling ball to buy Alice her Christmas gift, only to find out she bought him a bag for his bowling ball. The episode of Andy Griffith where they hold their Christmas celebration in the jailhouse. The Brady Bunch episode where Flo has laryngitis. A particularly funny episode of Taxi where Louie puts up his own mother in a poker game with his brother. The Family Ties episode where Alex is visited by the ghosts from A Christmas Carol. Then a truly heartwarming episode of Frasier and a silly episode of Wings that involves Fay throwing her late husband’s ashes out of a plane in a dustbuster.

I could have done without the Family Ties and Wings, but six out of eight isn’t bad. I would suggest saving the Holiday Treats DVD for Christmas, but it’s a gift that could well be opened before December 25th.

I recently reviewed Season One of A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila for Cynical Cinema.

http://blog.rogersradiointernet.com/cynicalcinema/2008/04/15/a-shot-at-love-with-tila-tequila-out-todayapocalypse-tomorrow-010/

  I made the suggestion that not only is this the worst TV show of all time, it might also be the worst single thing in all of civilization. I further went on to suggest that this TV show might be the most obvious sign of the impending apocalypse, and that perhaps we should all begin building our bunkers right now. And now, another TV show - one that is actually good - has made the same case. Lewis Black’s The Root Of All Evil is my new favourite show on television. Mostly because I really enjoy Lewis Black. He gets two comedians to debate two cultural phenomena who might be the Root of All Evil, and Black presides over the debate like a judge. They’ll do Dick Cheney vs. Paris Hilton, or Oprah or the Catholic Church vs. facebook. It’s hilarious, terribly politically incorrect, and very smart. And the one where everything came together for me was when they debated who was the Root of All Evil - Kim Jong Il or Tila Tequila?

As it turns out, Tila Tequila won. It was found that she is, in fact, doing less harm to the world than is Kim Jong Il. I respectfully disagree. Hers is a TV show where she looked for love in a bisexual way with both men and women - as Lewis Black says in the episode, achieving the impossible, actually dumbing down MTV. And after “Season One”, which I was unable to watch until the end for fear my brain would collapse and I would start speaking in internet lingo “I need to dl my lmao lol omfg, wtf?”, and I would perhaps be mistaken for someone speaking crazy-guy gibberish, and be locked away somewhere. And I have golf today. And that’s my ripple of evil.  But season one of A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila is no longer the worst show on TV. Now, there is a season two. I guess she did NOT find true love at the end of season one. Which amazes me. But, season two of Tila Tequila is no longer the worst show coming to TV. No, apparently - I have discovered this through several sources - there will be a spinoff dating show! A spinoff. Of this show. Starring the creepy Italian guy in the speedo from Season One.

Which means that now, you can be famous simply by being the most annoying guy on a reality show that was created to give a starring vehicle to someone who became famous by being the most annoying person on the internet. MySpace, specifically. And THAT is the root of all evil. Or, at the very least, the Apocalypse. This almost makes Tyra Banks look halfway credible. But at least it will give Lewis Black and his terrific program even more fodder with which to entertain me and skewer crappy television “personalities”. And I can’t wait for that day to come. Lewis Black’s Root Of All Evil is one of the funniest shows ever, and Season One comes out on DVD September 30th from Paramount Home Entertainment.

Paramount Home Entertainment is releasing yet another old-time, classic show from the 60s. While some of these shows are painfully dated and seem more stupid than quaint, My Three Sons is not among them. This is a TV series about which I had very little knowledge. I have been a Fred MacMurray fan for a long time. Swing High, Swing Low with Carole Lombard. The Caine Mutiny, The Trail of Lonesome Pine, and of course the magnificent Double Indemnity with Barbara Stanwyck. I’ve followed MacMurray’s career through dozens of movies, some lousy, some great, and one all-time classic. And I never knew he did television. At all. Apparently, he starred in My Three Sons. For twelve years. And I never knew it existed.

But I am awfully glad now that I do. This show, amazingly, was hilarious. And I say amazingly because I assume that any sitcom from the 50s or 60s that isn’t named I Love Lucy or The Hooneymooners must be fairly lousy. Because it isn’t a cultural icon and I don’t see re-runs of it all over the place. But My Three Sons is actually very, very good. And Fred MacMurray is excellent! His comedic timing is terrific, he manages to convey an Atticus Finch-type wisdom, and the dynamic between him and the three boys is remarkable. Also great is William Frawley, who plays the boys’ grandfather Bub. A remarkable show that has either become completely forgotten or has somehow managed to slip past me my entire life, My Three Sons is well worth picking up. Paramount Home Entertainment releases Season One September 30th.

A show that is actually very good is coming out on September 30th courtesy of Paramount Home Entertainment. Now, before I go ahead and explain about the show, let me explain why I used the word “actually”. Because on the surface, this show appears to be one that will be terrible. Here’s the deal - it’s a cartoon show, produced by PBS, about PBS. I know, hearing the word “PBS” instantly puts one in the mindframe of a person who is in danger of lapsing into a coma simply from boredom. And the idea of a PBS-produced cartoon program is cringe-inducing. And further, the fact that it’s a PBS-produced program about public broadcasting seems like a double dose of snore-fest.

But. This is not the case with Click And Clack:  As The Wrench Turns. Which is, “actually”, a terrific show with clever humour and politically astute commentary. The show centres around two guys who run a call-in car repair radio show on PBS. They are loafers, they suck at their jobs, but hey - it’s PBS! I was ready to hate this. Then, in the first episode, the two brothers decide to run for president, hire a James Carville clone to work their campaign, and manage to create some really pointed social commentary. The next episode is all about outsourcing, as the radio guys outsource their jobs to India. It’s an even more biting satire, and extremely clever. While on the surface Click And Clack seems like a bad idea, it isn’t. It’s a very good idea. And picking it up is a good idea too.

First of all, let me just say, as a reasonably fat guy, that Simon Pegg is not fat enough to be called “Fatboy”, as he is in the title of this movie.  Run Fatboy Run makes the assumption that because Pegg is not in the ridiculously good shape of Hank Azaria that he must therefore be fat.  Really, he’s just lazy and un-motivated.  Not the same thing. 

The idea here is that Pegg once left Thandie Newton at the altar while she was pregnant with his child.  Which, again, stretches credibility.  Leaving Thandie Newton?  Anywhere?  Let alone at the altar - seems unlikely to me.  But that’s where we are.  It is now a few years later, and he remains unmotivated and lazy, but loves his son.  He meets his former lover’s new boyfriend (Azaria), who appears to be a kind, decent, perfect sort of superman.  His perfection seems to be based almost entirely on the fact that he runs marathons - for charity!  If that is the only criteria that is needed for perfection, it has become ridiculously easy to attain.  I mean, Gandhi never ran marathons for charity!  What a slacker.

Simon Pegg wants Thandie Newton back (understandably), and somehow comes to the amazing leap in logic that running a marathon for charity will enable him to achieve perfection as well, and therefore win her heart (not so understandably).  So he begins to train for the marathon, where he will compete against her new flame.  Suppose someone left you at the altar and gave no reason.  And you hooked up with a fantastic new person who happens to be a great chef.  And the old lover tries to win you back by cooking you a hot dog.  Would this work on anyone?

Of course, because Simon Pegg wants Thandie Newton back, you know that the movie will have to end with Mr. Perfect out of the picture.  And you know that the way to get Mr. Perfect out of the picture is to discover after a while that he isn’t, in fact, that perfect.  And when that moment comes, it is so obvious, and so painfully ordinary, that you really wish that director David Schwimmer had put a little more effort in here.  Or a lot more.

Because up until that moment, Run Fatboy Run is decent.  It isn’t great, it has moments that are good, but by and large it’s decent, thanks mostly to Pegg’s great comedic timing and the antics of his best friends.  Rarely laugh-out-loud funny, but it’ll do.  Then when Azaria does that cartoon character thing that happens in all lousy romantic comedies, the movie comes crashing down.  Why does the character that stands in the way of our hero’s happiness have to do something so cartoonishly EVIL all of a sudden, so his true colours can be seen?

Hank Azaria, at the one hour and twelve minute mark in the movie, may as well commit genocide, block out the sun, and beat the crap out of a schoolbus full of four year olds.  Run Fatboy Run doesn’t quite go that far - arming him with grenade launchers and machetes so he can cut a swath of destruction - but it might as well.  It’s a moment that really reinforces the point that this movie is exactly like every other cheesy romantic comedy.  Only worse.

Mike Myers is a comic genius. His ability to create memorable characters is limitless, and every movie franchise he touches turns to gold. The Scottish dad in So I Married an Axe Murderer. The big fat Scottish guy in Austin Powers. The fun, green, fat Scottish ogre in Shrek. OK…maybe he can only create memorable Scottish characters. And Wayne from Wayne’s World…and Dr. Evil.

Remember the second Austin Powers movie? How it was virtually scene-for-scene the same movie as the first? And the third one was just a lame follow-up, where it was one long recycled “British people have bad teeth” joke? With Shrek 3, Mike Myers proved once again that while his ideas start out great, they have very little staying power. Shrek 3 is one big long ogres like farting and they smell bad joke. We get it. He’s an ogre. It’s what they do. Justin Timberlake makes an appearance in the film as a would-be king whose relevance to the movie is questionable at best. Shrek is no longer the most interesting character, the donkey and the cat are now tiresome, and I started to wish I could watch the spinoff movie starring the gingerbread man. THAT guy is still funny.

Shrek 3 is not a case of too much of a good thing, it’s a case of too much of the same thing. Much like that Shrek song, All-Star, by that band Smashmouth, it gets pretty irritating the third time around. Although I will say this. The film looks absolutely amazing on Blu-Ray. The Blu-Ray edition is being released September 23rd, Tuesday, by Paramount Home Entertainment.

When The Love Guru hit theatres the same week as Get Smart, I had a bet with my colleagues about which movie would be bigger. Both opening week and in the long run. I picked Get Smart. They picked the Love Guru. I think there is something about Canadians that wishes success upon Mike Myers even when that success is neither earned nor deserved. Mike Myers has done five movies. Ever. So I Married An Axe Murderer, Wayne’s World, Shrek, Austin Powers, and 54. Then he made thirty-one sequels, either bona-fide sequels or ripoffs of his previous work. The Love Guru falls into the latter category, and it gets released on DVD and Blu-Ray tomorrow, September 16th, from Paramount Home Entertainment. And it’s dreadful.

It actually makes me cringe to write the following words: The best thing in this movie is Justin Timberlake. Ugh. I feel like showering now. But it’s actually true. He is reasonably entertaining as a French Canadian hockey goalie who is a whiz with the ladies. His overblown French accent and his idiotic love for Celine Dion are worth a smirk or two. But Mike Myers, as the Indian guru Pitka, is doing the same role he has always done. Basically, he figures that putting on an accent (in this case an Indian one) is funny enough to carry a movie. He then figures that Verne Troyer simply being a tiny guy is funny. And that having an elephant walk around is funny. Or that two elephants having sex with each other is funny. In this movie, none of these things are funny. They are obnoxious.

Jessica Alba, once again, plays the hot woman. Just showing up is enough for her, because she is hot. Just like showing up is enough for Verne Troyer, because he is short. And for Mike Myers as well, because he has an accent. Get it? This really is one of the worst movies of the year, with almost no laughs and definitely no charm. Skip The Love Guru. And wait until Mike Myers makes his sixth movie. Oh, by the way - I won the bet. By a large margin. The Love Guru cost 62 million dollars and made 32 million. Opening weekend, 13 million. Get Smart opened with a 39 million dollar weekend, and has made 129 million dollars so far. With a production budget of 80 million dollars. Case closed.

Paramount Home Entertainment is releasing Seasons One and Two of Duckman on DVD tomorrow, September 16th. I assume Seasons Three and Four are coming soon, since this was a series that ran for only four seasons. Jason Alexander voiced the title character in a series that at the time was likely rather groundbreaking and interesting. But, that time was the mid-nineties, and time has gone by. When it came out, Duckman was one of those comedy cartoon series that went places no cartoon would ordinarily go. Frank Zappa tunes, self-loathing, murderous fantasies, the destruction of some especially cute little talking teddy bears. These were not themes normally dealt with on the standard cartoons of the day. However, these are incredibly standard and even tame themes compared to the standards of today.

However, even after being inundated by shows of a similar nature over the past decade, Duckman still manages to be reasonably funny. Duckman himself is a useless, bumbling, self-absorbed sexual deviant who just happens to be a private investigator. He is a terrible private investigator, and makes no money. He lives with the twin sister of his dead wife, a woman (duck) who hates his guts. He also lives with his kids, one of whom is a stoner and the other two are, bizarrely, conjoined duck twins. Everyone in his house ignores him, and the only character he speaks with on a regular basis is his assistant, Cornfed Pig. With all these characters, and an inspiration derived directly from Frank Zappa, Duckman is still good enough and strange enough to be worthwhile.

Has there ever been a situation where you found yourself thinking “I wish I could get Paris Hilton for this”? No? Me either. I always thought that the second the thought passed through my mind, the one that said I would rather have Paris Hilton here than someone else, well…the sky would fall, all the food in my fridge would rot, brimstone would explode from the umbrella on my patio table and eagles would eat my elbows and my dog. But as of this morning, I am wrong. I has the Paris Hilton thoughts last night, and none of this private aplocalypse has come to pass. And I know what you’re thinking. Why, ever, would you think of Paris Hilton in such a way? I too believed it was impossible, until I saw Legacy.

This is a film released to DVD today, September 9th, by Alliance Films. It’s about the hottest, most shallow sorority on campus. A fat ugly girl is murdered at the sorority house, and the Most Popular, Hottest Girl On Campus becomes a suspect. All of which is fine. This movie has been made countless times before, and a template is in place to create more and more of these movies easily, cheaply and with a minimum of effort. All you have to do is find a girl to play the Hottest Girl On Campus. And for this movie they picked…Haylie Duff. Nothing against Haylie Duff. She does a fine job being the sister of a famous person. But as an actress? She is lacking in skill. As the Hottest Chick On Campus? She is lacking in hotness. And so here’s my theory:

This movie was designed as a star vehicle for Paris Hilton. She has played this exact role before, in movies such as National Lampoon’s Pledge This. I think this movie was offered to her first, but when she found out about the subplot where the Hot Girl’s boyfriend is surreptitiously making sex tapes with her, she felt that it would call attention to her own escapades, and it would undercut her current image as a benign philanthropist. So she refused the role. And they picked Haylie Duff. And I am not suggesting this movie would have been any better with Paris Hilton. In fact, it would likely have been even more irritating. I just found myself constantly wondering why she wasn’t in this piece of crap.

I think, although I’m really not sure, that Legacy is meant to be a parody. The sorority house is all pink. The girls all wear pink. Their house cheer is all about the colour pink. Every guy in the film is the kind of guy who high-fives his buddies after every sip of beer. There are donut-obsessed cops. And one of the cops is Tom Green. Seriously, Tom Green. But Legacy isn’t clever enough to be a parody. In fact, it isn’t even smart enough to make the parody part obvious. So we’re left with a lot of questions. Questions about the intent of the film makers. Questions about the casting decisions. And more than anything, we have questions about why this film was made at all, and why we are watching it.

The Promotion comes out today, September 9th, courtesy of Alliance Films. It’s a remarkably understated film, considering the two lead actors - Seann William Scott (Stiffler from American Pie) and John C. Reilly (Dewey Cox in Walk Hard). Scott is the assistant manager at a grocery store, and when the store expands, he figures he’s a shoo-in for the full manager job at the new location. We are to assume that the difference in salary between a grocery store assistant manager and a full manager is massive. Apparently, the assistant manager can barely afford the produce on his own shelves, whereas a full manager can afford to buy a house and a Rolls Royce. But soon, Scott has competition for that manager’s position, from John C. Reilly who is another assistant manager who has just arrived from Quebec.

The Promotion quickly becomes a rivalry between Reilly and Scott, where they subtly attempt to subvert each other in the eyes of the Big Bosses, a bunch of suits who are in town to pick a new manager for the new location. And the key word there is “subtly”. The Promotion is reminiscent of many other movies, most of them dreadful, like Employee Of The Month. And thankfully, this film stays away, for the most part, from cheap laughs and over-the-top stupidity. That doesn’t mean The Promotion is great. Or even good. Frankly, it’s pretty average. All it really means is that it’s better than Employee Of The Month. Yeah…