Cynical Cinema

When The Golden Compass was released into theatres, it created a gigantic controversy due to it’s purported anti-Catholic overtones. All kinds of right-wing Catholic wing-nut groups protested the movie, demanded that their congregations not attend, and complained bitterly about it in the media. Which, of course, increased the box office immensely. And the fact that it was still a dud at the box office indicates that had all these ridiculous groups just shut up, it would have disappeared from the public eye, made virtually NO money, and we wouldn’t even remember it today. Today being the day it is released on DVD, courtesy of Alliance Films. And I couldn’t really watch it without thinking about this anti-Catholic controversy. That was all I could think about. What are they so angry about? Where is the problem coming from?

Have you ever noticed that what you think of yourself makes you especially sensitive? Like, if you think you might be a dirty slut, you get extra angry when someone calls you a dirty slut? Or if you’re fat and you hate being overweight, then you flip out when people call you fatso? (This doesn’t happen to me - I don’t mind being overweight at all.) My personal hot-button is when people call me pretentious. Because, on some level, I am afraid that I might actually be pretentious. So, there must be something in this movie that the Catholic elite see in themselves that makes them crazy. I mean…crazier. So…what is it?

OK. This movie is about a parallel universe to our own. This parallel universe is run and overseen by a mysterious, evil religious-type institution called The Magesterium. Alright, they’re a religious-type organization…so maybe the Catholic church sees a bit of themselves in that. Perhaps they see themselves in the repressive, thought-police style administration run by this group. And maybe they think the hats and chains are reminiscent of their own. Or perhaps they saw the nazi-style uniforms of the soldiers who spoke German and said “oh my God! That’s us!” Actually, I made that up. Hardcore Catholics never say “oh my God”. But if this is what made them sit up and take notice, they must be a really self-loathing bunch, dem Catholics.

And the thing is, this isn’t a very good movie. It’s OK, it does the job, kids will probably like it alright. But it isn’t as good as it should be. As I watched it, I couldn’t help but think of a movie that was even worse - Sky Captain And The World of Tomorrow. Remember? Angelina Jolie, Gwenyth Paltrow, Jude Law, in a movie full of ancient bi-planes…in the future? The Golden Compass may well have been done by the same set designer, because it has the same ancient-future vibe to it. There are soldiers who are clearly Nazi-inspired. There are futuristic, long-distance high-tech zeppelins and dirigibles and hot-air balloons. There are flying machines that are like ancient Chinese junks with wings and balloons. It’s a bizarre past-future world in the present. And it definitely looks amazing, but it’s fairly irritating.

There seem to be no original ideas here at all. The characters have names like Azrael (Daniel Craig), which had me waiting for a while for the appearance of Gargamel, who never materialized. Another (evil character played by Nicole Kidman) is named Mrs. Coulter. Hmm…maybe that’s what has the zealots up in arms. A vixen who embodies all that is evil in the world called…Coulter? Perhaps a reference to Ann? Well, in the movie her first name is Marisa. We see it written down. Everyone in this alternate universe has “daemons” walking around with them. There is a group of rebels called the “Gyptians”. So…Egyptians without the E. These “daemons” are like our souls here on Earth, only they are manifested in animal form and walk around beside people. Which is pretty cute some of the time. But why “daemons”? Why couldn’t the author of this series of books have come up with a new name for them? I’ve heard of daemons before. These aren’t them. Anyway.

This is the second movie this year that teams Nicole Kidman with Daniel Craig. And, like in The Invasion, Daniel Craig has very little to do. He shows up at the beginning as the uncle of the little girl (Dakota Blue Richards) who is the star. The Magesterium tries to poison him, because he has discovered something that they want to keep hidden from the rest of the world. But Richards saves him, and then he goes off on a journey. And we don’t hear from him again. Then there is a really strange revelation toward the end of the movie, and I still have no idea whether it was for real or a ploy on the part of the evil people. But you see, this is actually the first film in what I imagine will be a forty-one part series, and as such there are many loose ends when it’s over. Also, this is the second movie this year to team Daniel Craig with Eva Green (you might remember Casino Royale). And neither of them gets enough screen time.

A few good scenes (like the polar bear fight) and a few great appearances by some cool actors (Sam Elliott, Christopher Lee), and an amazingly vivid set design make The Golden Compass pretty cool to look at. And I expect the series to get better. Dakota Blue Richards is very good as the young lead actress. More Sam Elliott, more Daniel Craig, and more Eva Green could really liven this thing up. But as it stands with this first movie, it ends up being much less than the sum of it’s parts, and it’s kind of boring. The best thing The Golden Compass has going for it is it’s message. The idea that kids need to learn to think for themselves, that independent thought is essential, and that not all authority is good authority. Hmmm…maybe that’s what got all those Catholics so riled up!