Cynical Cinema

I don’t know.  But I think I might be giving Cannon extra credit because I just watched Jake And The Fatman all day yesterday, and William Conrad is so fat in that show that he looks positively svelte in comparison when I watch Cannon.  He’s still pudgy, and he still wheezes when he walks, but he’s probably 100 pounds lighter, and that’s gotta count for something.  But I still can’t quite figure out the appeal of the show.  In the beginning of each episode, you see who the bad guys are, and what their plans are.  And then Cannon shows up and solves the crime and saves the day.  Every episode.  What they should have done is let at least one of the bad guys get away every season.  Then there would be a little drama in each episode.  Like, maybe this is the one where the bad guys get AWAY!

But that never happens.  In fact, nothing really ever happens.  Cannon is a tough guy, he’s relentless and he’s resourceful.  But he isn’t particularly interesting.  His most distinguishing feature is that he’s fat.  And he did THAT even better in Jake and the Fatman.  So I welcome any insight people can shed into this program for me.  From the first episode of Season One Volume Two, Cannon on a train, until the final episode, where a young kid in prison is being used by an evil gang with the help of a hot chick, I could not understand the appeal.  Then again, I did watch the entire season.

Season One, Volume Two of Cannon comes out December 2nd, from Paramount Home Entertainment.

“Book ‘em, Danno.”

In my review of Hawaii Five-O Season Four, I suggested that the program was a blueprint for the career of David Caruso. Jack Lord and his bizarre hair and his silly-tough-guy delivery are very Caruso-esque, just thirty years earlier. And I also suggested that Hawaii Five-O is campy, dated, and totally hilarious in retrospect. And I was totally right. Season Five remains equally campy, equally hilarious, and equally worth watching while under the influence of…irony. Throw back a gram or two of irony, and you can enjoy Hawaii Five-O as much as you can enjoy Spongebob, Scooby-Doo, or anything done by Cheech and Chong.

Unfortunately, when I got my copy of Season Five of Hawaii Five-O, I was totally out of irony. I had an ounce on order, and I was waiting for delivery when I began watching the show. Eventually, I had to turn it off. Without a keenly developed sense of irony, this show just plain sucks. Even the episodes with Wo Fat, who is still awesome. Even the one with Ricardo Montalban is not very hilarious without irony. So make sure you roll up some quality ironic sensibilities before purchasing Season Five of Hawaii Five-O, out November 18th from Paramount Home Entertainment.

That’s it, people. You can stop buying movies for the rest of your life. Because the ultimate movie item is now on sale. As of yesterday, September 23rd, DVDs have reached perfection, when Paramount Home Entertainment released The Godfather Trilogy on Blu-Ray. The greatest movie trilogy of all time is now available in the greatest Hi-Definition format of all time. And while you may not think at first that The Godfather movies are the kind that require Blu-Ray technology, you would be wrong. There are certain classic movies where Blu-Ray is an obvious improvement over the original transfers. Dark City, or Blade Runner. Movies that started out dark and require that crisp, clear picture.

But The Godfather really does change as well. These are three movies that I have seen dozens upon dozens of times, and yet watching them in Blu-Ray was a whole new experience. When you watch the scene where James Caan gets riddled with bullets, it’s like you’re one of the guys holding a machine gun. When Luca Brasi is rehearsing his speech outside Don Corleone’s office, you feel like he’s talking directly to you, the movie watcher, about this, the day of your daughter’s wedding. And when Michael takes Fredo out for a boat ride…well. You’ll just have to see to understand. And then you will agree. DVD movies have attained perfection with the release of The Godfather Trilogy on Blu-Ray. Throw out the rest of your collection. It is ALL now obsolete.