Cynical Cinema

“A woman’s place is in the kitchen.”

And so it is, in Petticoat Junction, a relic of the sit-com era of the early 1960s.  Kate and her three hot daughters spend just about all of their time in the kitchen, cooking up blueberry pies for the people of Hooterville.  The rest of the time is spent on the Hooterville Cannonball, the train that runs past the Junction.  In a way, it is a very 1960s show, with the women working in the kitchen, doing all the stereotypical Woman things in the show.  And in another way, it is a precursor to the sit-coms of today, in that all the men on the show are complete idiots.  Uncle Joe, who sits on a rocking chair on the porch of the Shady Rest hotel, and Floyd and Charlie, the conductors of the train.

You can tell it’s a small-town thing because it’s called Hooterville.  Nothing stamps the words “small town” on a show quite as much as the word “Hooterville”.  The three daughters are the centre of the series, and they give it it’s name - in the opening credits, the three of them - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead (we assume she’s a redhead - it’s black and white) are taking a bath with their petticoats hanging over the edge of the giant tub.  And they are also the best reason to watch, because they are very, very hot.  Linda Kaye as Betty-Jo, Pat Woodell as Bobbie-Jo, and Jeannine Riley as Billie-Jo.  Another thing that stamps a series “small town” is the postscript -Jo.

At the beginning of the DVD, there is a warning - “the opinions expressed in the following interviews do not reflect the opinions of…” and so forth.  Which is fine, I suppose it’s standard procedure to have that warning on every DVD.  But it makes me laugh when it comes on something like Petticoat Junction.  What are the interviews going to say that requires a studio to distance itself?  Pat Woodell and Linda Kaye Henning introduce the episodes on disc one.  They talk about the history of Petticoat Junction.  How it came from the creator of The Beverly Hillbillies.  Interesting.  And they talk about how “in this episode, the always sports-crazy Betty-Jo joins the…” boy, good thing CBS made sure we knew it wasn’t their words coming out of these two former sit-com stars!

I am going to assume that Pat Woodell and Linda Kaye Henning are the only two cast members from the original series who are still alive, because they do all the special features here.  They introduce an interview with Paul Henning, from 1990.  They introduce every episode.  They introduce the sponsor spots.  They even do an introduction to a photo gallery.  Pat Woodell is still smoking hot, at 64 years of age.  So that’s nice.  And Petticoat Junction is quaint, but it’s no Beverly Hillbillies.  Season One came out on DVD December 16th from Paramount Home Entertainment.

Paramount Home Entertainment has come out with another classic television series. The Beverly Hillbillies, Volume Two comes out on DVD Tuesday, October 7th. This is a show I just saw for the first time, and although it’s cheesy and silly and relies far too much on that sitcom-style of misunderstanding, it’s still quite funny. My nine-year-old stepson came in the room as I was starting the first episode. And although I became rather tired of Granny and Elly May et al after about three episodes, I was not allowed to turn off the DVD until we had run through all seven episodes on Disc One. We saw Jethro become romantically entangled with an exotic dancer. Which surprised me - not because Jethro wouldn’t want to sleep with a stripper - after all, he’s a man. But it surprised me that there were strippers who would come to your house and perform in 1963. I learned something, from the Beverly Hillbillies.

Actually, there are a lot of things we can learn from the Beverly Hillbillies. Granny gets a mule to plow her front yard, so she can grow her own turnips and parsnips and such-like. Which is a great idea - shouldn’t everyone in opulent Beverly Hills be growing their own food on their massive acreage? You know, eating local foods and all that? Saving the world? We could all learn something from Jed and Granny Clampett. Who would have thought that the hidden messages in The Beverly Hillbillies would remain so relevant today? The show is pretty dated, relying so heavily on coincidence and misunderstandings. I mean, how could a stripper, even a complete moron stripper, really believe that a family of four with an ancient Granny and two young kids, would hire her to do a show in their house? And where do the Clampetts keep finding all those possums?

I have requested a few TV DVDs from Paramount, because I know very little about TV before I was born. I could name actors, directors, screenwriters and cinematographers on movies from before when my father was born, but as far as TV goes, I barely know a single thing before 1995. So when Doc talks about the TV shows of his youth, I am usually in the dark. So to that end, I ordered The Love Boat Season One Volume One and The Fugitive Season One Volume Two. Now, I have yet to get to The Love Boat, mostly because Doc has told me how terrible it was and I need to steel myself for the viewing experience. Or, break it out some night when a bunch of us have beer in us and are in the mood for something truly awful. But I watched the first episode of The Fugitive, and I was hooked. Each episode of this old 60s TV show is like a mini - B-film noir from the same era. And I love the B-movie film noir of the 60s. Not only that, but the acting and the stories are actually good!

David Janssen stars as The Fugitive, a role we now associate almost exclusively with Harrison Ford. Janssen was, like Harrison Ford I guess, handsome in his time. I figured that out because in several episodes, women fall for his charms without hearing him speak. And Janssen barely speaks in any of these episodes. He’s like the Clint Eastwood western prototype hero, the one whose actions speak louder than his words and who needs very little dialogue to make himself understood. Of course, he also likes to keep a low profile, so it’s understandable that he would speak little, in order to not be noticed. Of course, he is on the run from the law because he is convicted of murder, a crime for which he is not guilty. We all know about the one-armed man who killed his wife, and the subsequent escape during a train derailment. Mostly, again, because of the Harrison Ford movie. Janssen was a serviceable actor, and the guests on each episode are quite good as well.

Some major stars appear here, including (I am positive it’s him, although he was unbilled and I can’t find anything about it on Google) Jason Robards, who later did a wonderful star turn in the brilliant film Once Upon A Time In The West, and then received three Oscar nominations. (Winning for his supporting role in All The President’s Men.) So the basic premise of the show is that Richard Kimble wanders around the land, staying one step ahead of the law, helping people and getting into adventures. Like Kane in Kung-Fu. Or like MacGyver. Or the A-Team. Or any number of other shows about peripatetic drifters who are somehow just better than other men. However, The Fugitive stands apart from all these other shows on the strength of it’s writing. Every show is different. They don’t all involve damsels in distress, often the guy you think is innocent turns out to be guilty, and the outcome is not always satisfactory. Unlike Kane, there are guys who may well be able to beat Kimble up. Unlike MacGyver, Kimble will use a gun when he has to. Unlike the A-Team, when guns fire bullets, they often hit people. Some of the episodes of The Fugitive are throw-away episodes, like bad Roy Rogers moments, but most of them are excellent.

Only now, after a long and painful run of sit-coms and Melrose Places and A-Teams, are shows actually becoming dark and well-written again. Thanks to The Sopranos, we now get shows like Dexter and The Wire and Californication, all of which are smart and interesting and, definitely, dark. Apparently those shows existed before, and one of them was The Fugitive.

Matlock was a series that began in 1986. At that time, it’s audience was, as is my understanding, comprised entirely of people over the age of 70. I know this because I watch the Simpsons - Maaatloooock! The first season of the show replaced another cautionary tale of 80s television, The A-Team, on ABC on Friday nights. That first season saw it’s release on DVD today, courtesy of Paramount Home Entertainment. Now, I don’t want to question Paramount’s judgement - they have been good to me. But exactly who do they think might be buying this? The people who watched the show in Season One are now, at least, 92 years old. Which means that half of them are dead, and the other half are old-timers who are resistant to new technologies, and who don’t own a DVD player.

I have a lawyer. He is fairly competent, I think. He knows his way around the law, and he is doing some fine work for me right now. And if I ever get arrested for that murder I never committed, I would likely hire him to save me. However, while I’m certain he would be able to defend me on legal grounds, I doubt he would have the ability to investigate and solve the crime all by himself. For that, I would rely on the police. Matlock, on the other hand, can do it all. Amazingly, in every episode of Matlock over the course of the show’s nine years and 195 episodes, Matlock was never asked to defend someone who had actually committed a crime. This is the kind of luck that befell Jessica Fletcher only in reverse, on that other much-loved-by-octogenarians show, Murder She Wrote. Matlock was anchored by Andy Griffith, who plays Ben Matlock as some kind of cross between Columbo and Perry Mason. Both of which were superior shows to Matlock.

Which brings me to another DVD set released today. The 50th Anniversary edition of Perry Mason, a show anchored by Raymond Burr. I like Andy Griffith, and I like Raymond Burr, but what made Perry Mason better than Matlock was, for the most part, the fact that Perry Mason showed up late in the episodes. The beginning of the episode would deal with the crime itself, and the various people who could possibly have committed that crime, and then halfway through, Perry Mason would somehow become involved and solve the case. The 50th Anniversary edition is four discs, full of some great episodes and even better guest stars. A very young James Coburn, a very young Robert Redford, an aging Bette Davis, and many others. Can you imagine Matlock with Julia Roberts and Robert DeNiro as guest stars? No? That’s why Perry Mason was better.