Cynical Cinema

Shine A Light (8/10):  The Rolling Stones and Martin Scorcese make a great film.  It isn’t the best Stones film, or the best Scorcese music film, but it IS amazing.

Never Back Down:  A kid tries to impress a girl and defeat a bully by joining an underground mixed-martial-arts Ultimate Fighting ring.  That sounds delightful!

Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay (3/10):  Harold and Kumar pick up after their trip to White Castle to make a movie that is much less funny, much less clever, and disappoints all around.

Lost Boys:  The Tribe:  An homage to the cult favourite 1987 movie The Lost Boys.  A brother and sister move to a California town and get mixed up with a bunch of surfer vampires.  Uhhhh….

The Band’s Visit:  A small Egyptian Police band arrive in Israel to play a show, but are left stranded at the airport.  They try to make their own way out, through a small desert town.  Apparently it’s quite good.

War Games:  The Dead Code:  Amazingly this is actually a sequel to that Matthew Broderick movie War Games from more than 20 years ago.  A computer hacker inadvertently starts World War III.

Finishing the Game (4/10):  A mockumentary imagining a casting search for a Bruce Lee stand-in to finish the incomplete movie Game Of Death.  It sucks, but it’s better than Game of Death.

Twin Daggers:  An underworld hitman in the 1930s is hired by a woman to avenge her parents’ death at the hands of her twin sister.  Why the 1930s?  I guess we’ll have to watch to find out.

The Hills:  First, Second and Third Seasons (5/10):  Four hot chicks hate each other from afar in an irritatingly staged, obviously not “real” reality show that is stupid, loud, obnoxious and totally addictive.

Cocaine Cowboys 2:  Hustlin’ With The Godmother:  Despite it’s amazingly awesome title, this may be fairly bad.  A cocaine dealer gets in over his head when he gets in tight with the “Black Widow” cocaine godmother.

Dora The Explorer:  Catch The Stars (5/10):  Dora The Explorer appears to have serious myopia.  She needs ME to point out everything around her.  It’s an irritatingly participatory show for kids.

Go Diego Go!  The Iguana Sing-A-Long (4/10):  A spin-off of Dora The Explorer that is even MORE participatory, but much less satisfying.  It’s more about mimicry than about helping.  Annoying!

Beverly Hills 90210 Season Five (4/10):  What was once the biggest show in the world is now staggeringly dated.  Not just the hair or the acting or the overage actors.  But also the aw-shucks quaintness in retrospect.

 3 (8/10):  A made-for-TV movie about Dale Earnhardt’s life, with a gigantic amount of special features on a second disc.  Stars Barry Pepper, and is actually worthwhile for even those (like me) who are not giant NASCAR fans.

SportsCentury Greatest Athletes:  Dale Earnhardt (4/10):  A solid documentary, but with 3 coming out the same day, this DVD is basically useless.

SportsCentury Greatest Athletes:  Dale Earnhardt Jr (5/10):  Again, a solid documentary, but I’m confused as to what makes Dale Earnhardt Jr. one of this century’s “Greatest Athletes”.

Jeff Gordon:  Inside Access (6/10):  A DVD from ESPN and Alliance with a massive amount of information about Jeff Gordon.  Just about everything ESPN has ever had that involved him in any way.  Which makes some of it useless.

Girlfriends Season Four (3/10):  A sit-com rip-off of Sex And The City that isn’t funny enough to be a good comedy, well-acted enough to be a good drama, or sexy enough to be a good soap opera.  Which means it isn’t a good show.

Also out:

Marigold
Vengeance
Stargate:  Continuum

Next Week:

Doomsday
Nim’s Island
The Counterfeiters
Starship Troopers 3:  Marauder
Queen Sized
Watching The Detectives
Duck
Triloquist
Ben 10:  Season 4
My Brother is an Only Child
Tai Chi Master
The Wager
Bram Stoker’s Dracula’s Guest
The Pledge
The Unwinking Gaze

“Gimme Shelter” has been featured in three of Martin Scorcese’s movies. (The Departed, Goodfellas and Casino, in case you were wondering.) Gimme Shelter is also the title of the best Stones movie ever made, the harrowing and unbelievable account of their 1969 tour, Altamont, and the end of the spirit of the sixties. The second best Stones movie is directed by Martin Scorcese, and does not feature the song “Gimme Shelter”. Which my roundabout way of saying that Shine A Light is excellent. And it is also one of the only songs I will tell you about one way or another. Because knowing the set list going into the film can only screw you up. The opening chords to certain songs are sometimes just exciting surprises to the song that is coming up.

Shine A Light comes out Tuesday, July 29th, from Paramount Home Entertainment. It’s set up in very much the same way as Scorcese’s classic The Last Waltz, featuring The Band, with archival interviews interspersed between songs. And while Shine A Light does not compare to that magnificent film, or even to Gimme Shelter, it is certainly the best concert film the Stones have ever done. And they have done a LOT of concert films. Not only is the filming exquisite - it IS Scorcese, after all, but the guest performances are terrific. Again, not on the level of The Last Waltz, but Jack White and Buddy Guy are tremendous additions to the program, and Christina Aguilera is nothing short of ridiculously hot in her appearance.

Fantastic filming, great guest appearances, and the energy and power of the Stones on full display make Shine A Light a must-see.

Harold And Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay hits DVD today, July 29th, from Alliance Films. It picks up right where the last one left off, with the pair having just returned home from White Castle. And now, they are preparing to go to Amsterdam to track down Harold’s new girlfriend Maria so he can profess his love. As they get onto the plane, Kumar makes a reference to the film Eurotrip. He says “this is gonne be just like that movie Eurotrip, only it’s not gonna suck, it’s gonna be awesome”. Well, it turn’s out he’s mostly wrong. While the new Harold and Kumar IS better than Eurotrip, that isn’t saying much. It still sucks.

The opening scene, picking up right where the superior Harold And Kumar Go To White Castle left off, involves a really gross fart joke and an even grosser masturbation scene. It’s not funny, it’s just gross. As far as opening scenes go, this is one of the worst in movies. Now, the film does get (marginally) better as it goes on. There is a good scene at customs that pokes fun at racial stereotypes and airport terrorist profiling. When they get onto the plane, that stereotyping continues, and it’s good for a few more pointed and clever laughs. When Kumar pulls out his smokeless bong in the airplane washroom, however, the laughs end as the incredulity sets in. Rob Corddry, from The Daily Show, provides a few funny moments as the federal interrogator, but again the possibilities for serious social commentary through humour are completely wasted.

Quickly, the pair get arrested and sent to Guantanamo Bay, where the inhumane treatment of prisoners is played for laughs, but not clever or pointed ones. And it isn’t funny either. They escape Guantanamo right away, hitch a ride to the U.S. with a boatload of Cuban refugees, get to Miami and go visit a friend. The Cuban immigrants could have provided a pointed satire on American policies on immigration…but they are wasted as well. Instead we get a party with hundreds of hot chicks naked from the waist down. That Eurotrip comparison is getting more and more apt. Harold and Kumar quickly manage to acquire a fancy sports car, and set across the country to finish two gigantic movie cliches - one being clearing their name, and two being to break up a wedding between the love of Kumar’s life and the Bad Guy of the movie.

This cross-country trip is the bulk of the movie, and has some decent moments. There is a lot of satire involving racial politics - the big scary basketball playing black guys who are actually upstanding citizens and orthodontists. The redneck inbreds who have a totally modern trailer equipped with all the modern electronic gizmos. And Rob Corddry, who shows complete insensitivity and utter idiocy when questioning black people, jewish people, Indians and Koreans. But the title of the movie is Harold And Kumar Escape From GUANTANAMO BAY. Guantanamo Bay. One of the most reviled, infamous and easily-lampooned American institutions. So why focus the satire on racial differences, instead of on Guantanamo Bay? Or terrorism? Or the treatment of Arabic-Americans? Or anything that is evoked by the phrase “Guantanamo Bay”? Every single moment that appears to be a set-up for that kind of sharp, intelligent satire is utterly wasted. For example:

Rob Corddry, berating witnesses, uses the phrase “you thought our national security was a joke?” Which is clearly a set-up for a good bit but…nothing. Harold and Kumar are in Gitmo, and they begin to get into a very interesting dialogue with two Middle Eastern men who clearly are terrorists. But just as the conversation reaches the level of interesting, the gay oral sex jokes begin. And then they escape. They are in Guantanamo for what appears to be a total of two minutes. And on their cross-country road trip, the only person they meet who is even close to a Muslim is their buddy who’s throwing the pantsless party. And rather than delve into something deeper, the big joke they get out of this guy is gross full frontal nudity. Hahaha…his penis is gross…

Once again, just as in the first film, the best moments in Harold And Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay come courtesy of Neil Patrick Harris, who has a slightly longer cameo in this one. With Doogie Howser, the boys make it through a roadblock, visit a whorehouse, and have drug-induced hallucinations about unicorns. These are the best parts of the film, and the meeting between Harris and Corddry verges on classic. But as far as the rest of the film goes, it’s pretty difficult to appreciate. I understand why it was made - White Castle was a big, surprise success, so it would stand to reason that they would attempt to capitalize by making a second feature. But a little effort in doing so would have been nice.

The effort, in this case, appears to have been made entirely with the DVD. The bonus features are pretty neat. You can watch the movie on a different setting, one that allows you to control the outcome. Some of the changes are throwaway changes - like, you can make the pantsless party a topless party. Why the filmmakers would have bothered re-filming that entire scene with bare boobs instead of bare bottoms, I don’t know…oh wait. I do know why they would have done that. Other options allow you to change the movie so that you’re watching an entirely different movie, one that was filmed long after the first one was over. If you decide not to let Kumar smoke his bong on the airplane at the beginning, for example, you get a twenty-minute alternate version of the movie where they actually make it to Amsterdam and meet up with Maria, and Kumar falls in love with a new girl and gets married.

But the problem is that these are special features that force you to watch more of a movie that already sucks. And I wouldn’t recommend that.

Bruce Lee is one of the most revered actors in history, mostly because of a continuing cult following that keeps his name alive. And certainly he was a major movie star while he was here on this Earth. But in point of fact, he really only did one movie that was a classic. Enter the Dragon is justifiably called the greatest martial arts movie of all time. But the rest of his career was full of misfires and fairly bad films like Fists of Fury, and The Chinese Connection. Lee’s charisma and toughness and charm came through loud and clear in these films, but that was about all they had going for them. And there was no greater affront to the movie-going public than Game of Death. This is a film which Lee had begun when he suddenly died in 1973.

The idea was to make this movie a showcase for the martial art that Lee had just invented, Jeet Kune Do. And it remains kinda cool, if only because it features an amazing fight scene between Bruce Lee and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. But there were only twelve minutes of Game of Death filmed when Lee died, and they went ahead and made the movie anyway. So it was a bunch of out-takes from Lee’s career, scenes from other movies spliced in, and then culminated with the big fight with Abdul-Jabbar, among others. Which made for an absolutely dreadful jumble of a mishmash of a collage of a movie. With a pretty cool fight to end it all.

Finishing the Game is a DVD that imagines a search for Bruce Lee’s replacement in 1973. It’s a mockumentary about a bunch of wannabe martial arts actors who are trying out for the part replacing the action hero in the film. There are aspiring actors, doctors, porn stars, and children’s mascots who try out for the role. There is also an action star named “Breeze Loo”, who is clearly the equivalent of “Bruce Li” in the 70s - a guy who basically mimicked Bruce Lee in every single way, and changed his name to a similar one in order to capitalize on Lee’s popularity. There are some funny moments, like the one involving the actor from a fictional 70s show called “Golden Gate Guns” who is now a vacuum salesman. But it goes on way too long.

The premise is funny, the set up is good, but then this movie does absolutely nothing for an hour. It just follows a bunch of characters around, and while there are some slightly humorous moments, the characters are not interesting enough to make this movie go. It does involve Ron Jeremy, and it does a decent job of sending up the B-movie film industry, it just doesn’t make for a good movie. But it’s still certainly better than Game of Death.

I needed to figure out what the big deal is with Dora The Explorer. This little cartoon girl has become so big that she can pre-empt playoff hockey games just by coming to town. Why? I watched the entire DVD, Dora The Explorer: Catch The Stars, which comes out tomorrow, July 29th, from Paramount Home Entertainment. And I still don’t get it. Dora barely does a show! I’m sitting there, watching, and I’m doing her show for her! I’m the one who has to show her where the stars are hiding. I’m the one who has to advise her as to which star to use and when. I’m the one who has to yell JUMP to help her get over the snowball! What good is she anyway? If she can’t do something simple, like explore, on her own, why would I help her out? She may well be an explorer, but Magellan she is not. HE could read a compass. All by himself.

The plot of Dora The Explorer: Catch The Stars concerns catching stars. In a star pocket. And Dora (with my help, I might add) has a “star pocket” in which to keep the stars she catches. The stars, you see, are floating around in the air. Near where Dora is. And if you jump in the air and clap your hands over your head, you will help her catch these stars. Although I must admit - she must be fairly competent - one time, I didn’t jump and clap my hands above my head. I was busy eating nachos. And she still managed to catch the star. So perhaps she is able to do some things for herself. But she has a lot of trouble seeing things. Basically, she is a blind explorer, which is the most dangerous kind of explorer to be. No matter what is happening on the screen, right beside her, I am still the one who has to point it out for her.

And that includes Swiper the Fox, who shows up to steal the star pocket. Swiper, it turns out is a kleptomaniac fox. Apparently, simply by saying “Swiper, no swiping!” three times, you can stop him from stealing stuff. When I watched this DVD, however, I was not fast enough and Swiper managed to steal the star pocket. Perhaps when you watch it, you will be fast enough. When you see Swiper pop up on screen, be ready - they only give you seven minutes of Dora being unable to see Swiper to prepare. If you ARE fast enough, and Swiper DOESN’T get the star pocket, it means that you will avoid having to watch the rest of the program. In my version, however, Swiper DID steal the star pocket. But, like most kleptos, Winona Ryder included, he does not steal things because he wants those things. He steals them because he just likes to steal. So instead of taking the star pocket and running off, he just tied it to a conveniently placed helium balloon, and let it drift off into oblivion. Then he cackled. Grr, I hate that Swiper!

So in my version of this DVD, the one where I didn’t prevent Swiper from taking the star pocket, Dora is forced to set off on a cross-world trek in order to track down the star pocket and put more stars into it. I think. She finds more stars, which she is able to capture even without a star pocket into which she can put them, and they each have a different ability. One is really bright, one is really loud, one is made of springs, and one is a shape-shifter. The bright one helps her find her way in the dark as she sails across the ocean. The loud one wakes up a sleeping whale that is unfortunately directly in the way of her boat. Which takes a long time, but is certainly faster than sailing around the whale would have been. The shape-shifter star does something else to help - I don’t remember what, I think I went for a smoke.

When I came back, my mind was absolutely blown. I had no idea how to take this at the time, and even now, I can’t fully wrap my mind around what transpired on Dora The Explorer. Please, leave comments with what you think this means, because I am truly still at a loss here. I walked back into the basement just in time to see Dora The Explorer, and her little boat, quite literally jumping a shark. (With my help, and the help of the made-of-springs star, of course. Springs also work on water. What?) And then, she jumped over a second shark. And then - this was the mind blowing part - she jumped a THIRD shark. What? I couldn’t believe it. I had to rewind and watch this again.

What was this? Was this some kind of bizarre joke? For those of you who don’t know, the phrase “jump the shark” is a reference to an episode of Happy Days where Fonzie literally jumped a shark, on waterskis. This was the moment when everyone realized Happy Days had passed it’s prime, and run it’s course. Ever since, the term “jumped the shark” has come to symbolize a TV show that should really no longer be on the air. So was this a wink to the adults watching? An inside joke among the animators? Or maybe they just didn’t know of the term’s significance, and they really just thought this was a good idea.

There were three more episodes on the DVD - Swiper stole Dora’s necklace and threw it on top of Star Mountain. Again, I was too slow to help, this time because I couldn’t stop mulling this amazing development in my mind. Then Dora had to wake up the sun, then Dora played hide-and-seek to win Senor Toucan’s trophy. But I really wasn’t paying attention. I mean, Dora couldn’t have jumped all those sharks without my help, yelling “jump!” and so forth. So…was I complicit in the joke? Was the joke on me? Was I making too big a deal out of something innocuous? Has Dora the Explorer, the TV show, actually jumped the shark? What was in my nachos?

After Dora The Explorer: Catch The Stars threw me for a total loop, I was a little resistant to the idea of watching her spin-off show, Go Diego Go! I am not sure whether it’s a genuine spin-off, it may well just be the same show created by the same people and animated by the same people and written by the same people. Basically, it is the exact same show. Diego is just Dora with a different haircut. It attempts to teach kids the same things that Dora does. Spanish, and…other stuff. But Dora comes off as merely a near-sighted explorer, which means that all I have to do while watching her show is point out the things she can’t see for her damn self.

With Diego, there is a lot more work involved. I have to crawl to make otters crawl. I have to jump to make them jump. I have to duck to avoid a mudball. I have to sing in Spanish to make a llama go up a hill. All of which means that Diego episodes have even less actual story than Dora, but far more participation. I’m not really helping Diego the way I help Dora, but rather I’m simply mimicking his actions. Which is way more work and far less rewarding. Adding more filler and less story to Diego is a series of supporting characters who each have their own theme songs. Like his backpack. It can rescue him from any situation, but first it sings a very long and obnoxious theme song. I guess assuming that he will not be caught by the puma in the meantime. Dora has a map that does the same thing, but at least it’s theme song is kinda catchy.

One more thing. Diego is constantly extolling the virtues of playing outside, being active, and reading books. What kind of TV marketing genius came up with that one? If kids read books and play outside, they aren’t watching TV! Your show is on TV! That’s just bad marketing. Go Diego Go: The Iguana Sing-A-Long comes out Tuesday, July 29th, from Paramount Home Entertainment.

I can remember, to some degree, Beverly Hills 90210 from my childhood. I don’t think I ever watched the show, but I knew all about it because it was one of those pervasive pop culture phenomena the became a part of my young life regardless of any involvement I may personally have had in watching the show. I remember Kelly, and Brandon, and Dylan and Andrea and Brenda and Steve. I remember that Tori Spelling and Shannen Doherty and Luke Perry were the stars. And I remember that it was some kind of high-school related soap opera starring thirty-something actors passing for teenagers. And I attempted to revisit this phenomenon again when Paramount Home Entertainment released Season Five of Beverly Hills 90210 today, July 29th.

By season five, the stars of the show have already moved on to college, and now they look like they may well be college kids. Well, except for that girl who plays Andrea, who has a baby and a husband and looks like she could be forty. And Luke Perry, who is a drunken bad-boy this season and looks as though he could be forty-six. It’s almost hilarious to see him show up at a bar and be refused service because he’s underage. He’s clearly in his forties! Season Five is (I can only assume) better than Season Four, if only because Shannen Doherty has left the show (as explained in the first episode - Brenda has received some kind of scholarship to some school and will be staying in some European town and is not coming back). Taking her place is Valerie, played by Tiffany Amber Thiessen, (Kelly from Saved By The Bell), who is much hotter. So far so good.

Donna (Tori Spelling) is a rich little girl with rich old parents who buy her everything she wants. She is scheduled to make her “debut” later this season, because apparently this “debutante” crap still exists somewhere in the states. Her parents are nervous when she exhibits some behaviour unbecoming a young lady, like talking to a black man. But her friends are there for her. Her yes-man friends, who pat her on the head and tell her she’s special and that everyone loves her and she’ll be just fine. So, for all intents and purposes, she’s playing the real-life Tori Spelling. The only thing missing on this show is that her name is not “Tori”. I guess daddy bought her an acting career as well as all that plastic surgery.

Isn’t it amazing, thinking back on that cast now, that currently the most famous of all the cast members IS Tori Spelling? The only one who appears in tabloids and in the news and in the entertainment shows. Whatever happened to Ian Ziering? Or Jason Priestly? Or, more interestingly, Jennie Garth? Jennie Garth (who plays Kelly) was actually good. As an actress. Head and shoulders above the rest of the cast. Well, she’s often acting beside Tori Spelling, which doesn’t hurt. But not only was she the best actress on the show, she was also the hottest girl. So shouldn’t that have meant a bigger career for her after this show had run it’s course?

But the biggest mystery of all, for me, was the disappearance of Luke Perry following the end of Beverly Hills 90210. This guy, in season five, is a drunken, rebellious bad-boy. Compared to the rest of this (as Valerie says in episode 2) obnoxiously squeaky-clean bunch of L.A. dinks, he’s Satan. And the girls love his bad-assery. He’s the sex symbol. And the show never stops doing all it can to remind us of that. They play up his resemblance to James Dean every chance they get, filming him the same way Dean was filmed, posing him the same way Dean posed. And when they aren’t creating a James Dean for the 90s, they are shooting him like Brando! With that kind of exposure, how could he not have become the biggest star in movies? The bad-boy cool kid, the tough guy heart-throb? Perhaps it’s because he started doing all this cool-young-kid stuff when he was forty-one.

This show is amazingly dated. Not just because of the hair - and they all have hilarious 90s hair - but because it’s so much less risque than any similar show today. It’s like watching Biff and Judy splitting a malt down at the hamburger stand, only now it’s Brendan and Kelly at the Peach Pit. The scenes where they try to show how BAD Valerie is by having a close-up of her rolling a joint are almost precious when we see them today. The more dramatic a moment is supposed to be, the funnier it actually is. This show may well have been the biggest thing in the world in 1995, but it got real irrelevant, real fast by the year 2000.

3 comes out today, July 29th, from Alliance Films. It is not to be confused with the movie Thr3e, which was a really crappy horror film involving the number three that was released last year. No, the 3 that comes out today is a made-for-TV movie from ESPN, telling the story of Dale Earnhardt, one of the most revered drivers in the history of NASCAR. Barry Pepper stars as Earnhardt, a man who was (pardon the pun) driven to be the best. He does an excellent job in what proves to be a fairly tough role. The movie tracks Earnhardt’s rise through the world of NASCAR to become the best driver alive, and goes up to the point where he is…no longer alive. And I must say, the handling of his death in this film is done in a very touching and simple, wonderful way.

In some ways, however, the movie does seem to sugar-coat much of Earnhardt’s personality. The DVD comes jammed with special features, including a second disc with more extras than one could imagine. Race footage, interviews, and all kinds of specials on the man. And judging from those interviews and specials, he was a little bit more of a maniac, and probably a lot more mean and dangerous, than this movie makes him appear. And although I enjoyed the film simply because it’s well done and Earnhardt is an interesting character, I found a lot more value in the special features. 3 is worthwhile for both NASCAR fans and casual observers alike.

ESPN has a series called SportsCentury, that focuses on the greatest games, coaches, teams and athletes in history. The program ended in August of 2006, and featured some of the greatest who ever played any game. And while most of these programs revolved around baseball, football, basketball and Olympic athletes, a few dealt with auto racing. In SportsCentury’s countdown of the top 100 athletes in history, there were three auto racers - A.J. Foyt, Richard Petty, and Mario Andretti. On the program, there were far more. And today, July 29th, ESPN is releasing a substantial number of NASCAR-themed DVDs through Alliance Films.

One of those DVDs is SportsCentury Greatest Athletes: Dale Earnhardt. Perhaps the most revered driver in NASCAR history, who died tragically at Daytona in 2001. And while the 45-minute program is interesting, and informative, it’s fairly pointless. The reason for that is that the same day Alliance Films and ESPN are releasing 3: The Dale Earnhardt Story on DVD as well. It’s a made-for-TV biopic of Earnhardt, and it comes with a second disc jammed with special features. Earnhardt’s races. Interviews with the man. A documentary about his life. And of course the feature film itself. The SportsCentury DVD is interesting, but all that information and much, much more is available on 3. I would pick that one up instead.

I like Dale Earnhardt Jr. He’s a charming and interesting guy, seems really friendly and smart, and he’s certainly a good NASCAR driver. But that being said, I am a little confused about his inclusion in the ESPN SportsCentury Greatest Athletes collection. The Earnhardt Jr. SportsCentury comes out on DVD today, July 29th, from Alliance Films. The same day, another SportsCentury about Earnhardt senior comes out. That one I get. Another one is being released, about Jeff Gordon. I get that one as well. And the other big NASCAR release is 3: The Dale Earnhardt Story, which is an ESPN made-for-TV movie starring Barry Pepper as Earnhardt senior, and jammed with bonus features. I get this too.

But SportsCentury is all about the greatest athletes in history. And setting aside the debates about whether race-car drivers are “athletes”, or NASCAR vs. Formula One, and all that business, I’m still confused. SportsCentury has, understandably, profiled Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky, Babe Ruth, Muhammad Ali, Jim Thorpe, Jim Brown, Jesse Owens, Babe Didrikson, Martina Navratilova, Jerry Rice. All of this I get. I even understand putting Dale Earnhardt Sr. and Jeff Gordon in this company. But Earnhardt Jr.? This year, Earnhardt Jr. is sitting in second in the points standings for Hendrick Motorsports. (I did some wikipedia research.) But this SportsCentury Greatest Athletes profile came out in 2006. (In fact, it was the last ESPN SportsCentury program that aired.)

By 2006, Earnhardy Jr. had one third place finish on the season and one fifth place. The other years, he had finished 48th, 11th, 16th, 8th, and 19th. So…how does he qualify as one of the “Greatest Athletes” ever? Even the DVD itself doesn’t seem able to answer that. The entire show seems concerned with showing that Earnhardt Jr. could well become an amazing driver. And of course, much of the program talks about his father. So…is that how he got profiled? Because his dad was that big and famous? Or because they had already profiled so many sports figures that they ran out of really great ones? Is that why the show was taken off the air? I wish this DVD would answer at least one of these questions, but it doesn’t.