CSI (Vegas): The Complete Seventh Season. Out today. (*****5/10)
CSI used to be an awesome show. Bad guys and DNA and blood spatter and all kinds of cool stuff. And it’s still all about that. But it isn’t that good any more. The Seventh Season of CSI shows they have run out of ideas. Two-part episodes where nothing really worthy of two parts takes place, gimmick episodes like the one where the murder victims sit up and talk to each other in the morgue, sensational episodes like the one where the Clockwork Orange kids terrorize Las Vegas. It just isn’t the same any more. But at least it isn’t boring, like CSI New York. And, best of all, it doesn’t involve David Caruso, like CSI Miami. It does, however, involve cool actors like Sean Patrick Flannery, washed-up former “stars” like Danny Bonaduce, washed-up current “stars”, like Kevin Federline, and the always-smokin’-hot Marg Helgenberger.
There are several reasons to watch CSI, the main reason being that if you watch enough of it, you will know how to get away with murders. Now, CSI Season Seven comes with a special feature that will help you learn how to do so without all that pesky episode-watching. Las Vegas: The Real Crime Solvers takes us behind the scene with real-life CSIs, who of course have a much smaller budget and far fewer resources than the TV show. Well, less than the CSIs on the TV show. Come to think of it, the TV show probably has a budget, like, two thousand times that of the actual CSI departments in police stations around the country. Think about how many crimes could be solved if those resources actually went to the police!
Well, the original, (and still best), CSI seems to have maybe run it’s course. So perhaps those resources can be appropriated for a greater cause. Like CSI: Reality, or some such thing. But for now, those resources are being used to distribute DVDs like this one, CSI Season 7, which is worth renting or buying for these three reasons: First, the episodes have deliciously clever names. Like “Fannysmackin’”, and “Loco Motives”. Secondly, Marg Helgenberger is still smokin’ hot. (Although for that, you can always rent the made-for-TV Tommyknockers or the Steven Seagal classic Fire Down Below.) And thirdly, you get to see Kevin Federline punched in the junk. CSI: Complete Seventh Season comes out today, courtesy of Alliance Films.