Coping with loss
The weekend tragedy of Bathurst, N.B. was a national story, and here in the Maritimes, a local nightmare.
By now it is well reported that eight died — seven teenage members of the Bathurst High basketball team and an elementary school teacher (the wife of the driver) — when their 15-seat van skidded out of its lane and collided with a tractor-trailer head-on, just minutes from their turn-off.
The driver, the husband and the coach, survived (if that is the word).
Among the tangled claws of vehicular wreckage twisted and torn on that cold night lie the shredded lives of so many others — so many who were not on the road that dark, winter evening, but who travel the road now, haunted.
Others in New Brunswick travel the road every day. And each time they do “the accident” will stop their thoughts.
In time, the pain will fade. But, for some, it will intensify: the distance of time magnifying the effect of what might have been: the young lives so full of that long road of promise ahead of them, one that that they will no longer travel; the days and hours as they walk now frozen time; the shadows of sunsets never to be seen.
Timothy Findley ended his glorious novel The Wars, of the First World War and remembrance, and of life’s frailty and fleetingness, with the image of a smiling breath in winter — where breath is frozen in the cold. It is seen and it disappears.
And every time people drive by they will think of “the accident” and the horror of happenstance.
We will remember their breaths.
And it started out like any other day.
January 14th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Andrew, yet again, in this province, has another loss of life stunned us. I am a Funeral Director in Moncton and have dealt with family and friends for 4 young people that perished following an accident earlier this year and trust me when I tell you, this is when the job I do hits you and hits you hard. As a Funeral Director you tell yourself to leave your work at work, but when something like this happens its hard not to bring it home with you. My condolences go out to the friends and teammates of these young men, they are going through something in the lives that they never expected and could never plan for. At a time like this they have to stick together and talk about this, (as hard as that may be). Most of all my thoughts and prayers are with the families they left behind and to the family of Mrs. Lord. Remember as I’m sure you do, there are people out here that care and although we might not understand how you feel, you are in our thoughts and our prayers, and we all hold your hands. To the driver of the other vehicle please remember this is why they call these things accidents, You are also in our thoughts.
January 15th, 2008 at 9:13 am
Tom did a discustion on the subject on tires. There are more actidents due to these G-D all season tires (they were on this van). All season tires are just glorified summer tires and not fit for the weather we have in this country.
January 16th, 2008 at 9:15 am
Andrew I think it is a terrible loss to say the least. However I think there would be alot of people upset if there was no coverage at all on this tragedy. So either way its a no win situation in regards to coverage of these funerals. Hopefully it will help some in regards to closure.
January 16th, 2008 at 9:30 am
Andrew, I lost my wife three years ago after the birth of our second daughter. The news media I believe is taking a bad rap in this respect. My wife and I had been involved with ATV News live at five with regards to infertility and a news article they were doing. After she passed I sought them out to do a short piece on Gina. I took comfort in proclaiming to the world that this person my best friend in whole world, was a very special person. I wanted the world to know that she was special. To the families of the seven kids I can only say this. The pain that is now so phisically difficult, will get better and please put one foot in front of the other, for the rest of your loved ones. I had to for my daughters and you do as well. God bless you all.
January 16th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Just a quick comment on the media coverage of the tragedy in Bathurst. Having been through the grieving process more times than I care to remember I can tell you the families and friends of those involved while appreciative of all the coverage given will be feeling quite a let down when in a few days it all quiets and they are left alone to feel and grieve for those they have lost. While I started out planning to blast the media on the unending coverage I find myself rethinking my position. Maybe it helps
January 16th, 2008 at 9:54 am
I cannot imagine the loss that these folks feel, to lose a child is a horror that no one wants to see anyone or themselves have to endure. My thoughts and prayers are with these folks.
January 16th, 2008 at 9:55 am
I’m currently tuned into your news and I just felt compelled to share my thoughts. The tragic loss of eight lives in Bathurst this past weekend has no doubt left loved ones in a state of surrealisam. My prayers go out to all family members and to friends who’ve shared laughs and tears with those boys. To the family of Elizabeth Lord, her husband and daughter, and to the driver of the other vehicle involved, may you all know that you are not alone in your sorrow.
I was 16 when I lost my best friend. She was 15 and died in a car accident in our hometown. This October it will be 33 years since her passing, and you know what, to all of you teens left to mourn your friends…trust me, you will never forget them. You’ll silently acknowledge their birthdays as they come and go, life will go on but you’ll find yourself wondering what their life would have been like as you reach milestones in your own life. Time will heal your pain. Memories will be a gift that you can open anytime, do it often. Don’t be like me, talk to their parents, let them know your pain and hurt too. Share your stories, you are an important link to their child’s life. I did not do this and I grieved silently for twenty-eight years at which time I crumbled in the arms of my girlfriend’s mother. I finally released the pain I carried for so many years.
I just wanted to share this Andrew. When I remember my girlfriend I’m opening another gift!
January 16th, 2008 at 10:06 am
Andrew, I would like to say that I been driving route eleven every Tuesday for the last thirteen years from Moncton to Campellton. You dont have to drive very far before you can see wreaths,crosses, and pictures of people who have lost there lives on that highway. Something has to be done to get a four lane highway. How many more people are going to die going in that direction? Too many transports, moose, and speeders. I really am thankful for the coverage from the media. I would like to know if the van was a rental and if it has winter tires. I know I tried to rent a vehicle for my daughter with winter tires and I was told all rentals only have all season tires. Any tire maker will tell you all season tires are not the way to go in winter. A winter tire gives you more control. The law should be changed on Rentals.