How to Say “No”
Do you have a hard time saying “no”? I’m not a martyr, so I usually don’t mind declining if I have good reason to, but sometimes I have a hard time phrasing it in a way that won’t elicit questions or worse - pestering! According to Glamour, here are some different ways to respond in the negative:
- I’m just going to have to pass.
- I’d love to, but I just don’t have the time.
- I made a resolution to start saying ‘no’ more often.
- I don’t want to say ‘yes’ and then let you down.
- I’d love to, but my boyfriend/kids/boss would freak out if I took on anything else.
- Not right now.
- Not this year.
- You caught me at a terrible moment.
- I can’t say ‘yes.’
- I don’t want to say ‘no,’ but I have to.
- I’m just not comfortable with that.
- It’s just not right for me.
- Ask another time.
- Please cross me off your list.
Some of these might work on the phone, but not necessarily in person. I wouldn’t want to say “ask another time” unless it’s truly about timing and not that I don’t ever want to do it. Blaming it on someone else is cowardly, but if it works it can be a necessary evil. I also like bringing up comfort level because saying you’re uncomfortable usually makes the person making the request feel awkward and immediately shuts down the interaction. In rare instances, especially if that person is rude or stupid, s/he will ask why it makes you uncomfortable, which just makes the whole situation even more unpleasant!
Do you have a hard time saying “no” in general? Are there specific people you can’t say “no” to? What do you find is the most effective way to do it, other than using four letter words or slamming the door in someone’s face? Have your say by clicking on the No Comments/Comments link at the bottom. Today’s Jack Nation bonus code is JUSTSAYNO. It’s valid until June 19th.
June 17th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
I find it’s hard for me to say no to kids who are selling stuff like chocolates, especially if it’s one of my younger cousins trying to do fundraising for school. The only times I’ll say no to them is when there’s absolutely nothing that I want to buy in their little catalogues, or if what I want is way too expensive. I find it’s easier to say no to adults than to kids. I also find that it’s easier to say no to someone if they’re just asking for donations and not selling something.
Carly’s Note: Here’s a tip I use - if there’s nothing in the catalogue that I want, I still make a nominal donation to the cause. That way you’ve helped out and aren’t eating chocolate covered almonds or Girl Guide Cookies that jeopardize your diet.
June 17th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
No, I don’t have a hard time saying “no”.
I find saying it without any emphasis on the “n” or “o” gets the message across. If you emphasize (or stretch out) the “o”, it may sound like something is wrong. (ie. It’s the difference between “No” and “NOOOOOO”). Use the KISS principle. It keeps teh message clear.
Is it typical that a women’s magazine complicates simple communication? (just a question)
So which version of “no” should we use when the wife asks if we think she’s fat? How about “I can’t say yes”? Does that work?
How about if she asks “Will you be home before midnight”? Should we use “I don’t want to say ‘yes’ and then let you down.” Would that go over well?
I didn’t think so. For now, I will just use the version of no that contains only the letters “n” and “o”.
Cheers, and keep up the good work.
Carly’s Note: Thanks for the laugh, Owen. Yes, it is typical for women’s magazines to complicate simple matters. It’s always the same 5 articles, just recycled - 5 hot ways to please a man, 5 simple tips for dressing on a budget, 5 new ways to get your body bikinilicious - yawn!
June 17th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
I’m just a guy that can’t say no. Problem is, nobody’s asking.
Carly’s Note:
June 17th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
I just tell them no flat out, or that I dont feel like it. Mostly my reason is being too tired (early mornings)
Carly’s Note: Well, it worked for Oscar the Grouch.
June 17th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Sure do, I’m a big doormat. I’m sometimes concerned that if I say no, maybe I won’t get asked again… That’s just SILLY. And if I try to wriggle out of something, via a little white lie, I get verbal diarrhea and say way too much to the point they’ve probably tweaked and are on to my shenanigans.
I have however as of late, said no to bridal and baby showers for somebody I barely knew. Felt very empowered!
Lee Ann
Carly’s Note: I’m so with you on the shower front! Saying no is definitely empowering.
June 17th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Hi Carly:
I definately do not have a problem saying “No”.
Three other lines that work equally well:
“Sorry, i’m broke, But if you are giving them away for free i’ll take one.”
“Sorry, But i’m not interested.”
“Thanks, but i already have one.”
The last one works particularly well in stores that have people trying
to sign you up for their credit cards, I was even boldly asked by one
person offering these credit cards that called my bluff to see mine and i
replied that it was at home where i couldn’t use it as a walked away
with a silly grin on my face.
Have a great day.
Joe
Carly’s Note: Yeah, I hate those credit card solicitations. I had one over the phone where the company was trying to get me to “upgrade” my card. The trouble is, all the wonderful perks that came with the card would have included my interest rate going from 18 to 19.5%. I pointed this out to the guy on the phone and he said “But it’s only 1.5% more”. I don’t think he had a clue as to what that even meant - like the saleswoman who told me I was saving 50% when I bought two pairs of shoes because the first pair was 20% off and the second pair saved me 30%.
June 18th, 2008 at 5:47 am
Hi Carly
It was so nice to hear you full time the last couple of days. You should do that more often.
I always find it hard to say NO but I am getting tired of all the phone solicitations just when you get home from work. I am saying NO more often to these people but they only phone back again and again until they wear you down.
I was so proud last year when a guy came to my door selling an air purifier. He went through his stichk and explained how good his product was for the job it does..cost over $2000. I had to say NO several times before he left.
I did cave in to this energy company when they came to my door. They were using the ole cute female university students to sell and they gave you the speal about how they were going through university and working on commission. I phoned the company the next day and cancelled..thanks to the 10 day cool down period in the contract.
But I would never say NO to you Carly…you could sell me anything.
Have a great day and as always, look forward to hearing you on Jack KM.
Your No1 Admirer
Gary
Carly’s Note: Thanks, Gary! I’ve got some swampland in Florida that I’ve been dying to unload.
June 18th, 2008 at 6:16 am
Hi Carly,
Sometimes in business or social i find it helps if you thank the person for asking but then politely decline so that way you let them down easily.
Rejection is never pleasant but if you do it nicely but firmly i find it’s usually not a problem. If the other person continues to badger you then you can get tougher.
Have a great day.
Carly’s Note: Excellent point about thanking the “solicitor” for asking.
June 18th, 2008 at 7:40 am
Who could say no to you Carly?
Don’t want to be touched, look untouchable. Always have a bit of a growl to your attitude, and people won’t pester you.
I found on eBay a great sign, Warning, Stay Back 500ft, Wombat with an Attitude, so I can just tap that sign when need be.
As for not saying no, anyone who has managed to get passed the sign, and the growly attitude, to make it into the inner circle, seldom gets a no from me, only because they seldom say no to me.
Wombat
m^*^m
Carly’s Note: But does one want to give off a negative vibe? Sounds like a lot of effort to look surly and it scares everyone off, including those you just might want to say “yes” to.
June 18th, 2008 at 8:27 am
Whatever happened to NO meaning NO?
I just say it bluntly, “Which part of NO do you not understand?”…
LOL
Carly’s Note: Heartless!
June 18th, 2008 at 9:21 am
I’ve always liked the Austin Powers approach with a simple
“How about NOOOOOOOOOOO”. I just dont add
“You crazy Dutch bastard”.
Carly’s Note: I’m sure that approach would go over well with your boss.
June 18th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Hi Carly, Maybe because of my job I don’t have a hard time saying No. I just say…No.
I have to admit though it is hard to say no to a) my kids b) my husband c) the cats and d) the dogs. Guess I really am a pushover, huh ?
Carly’s Note: I want to know what the cats and dogs are asking for. Twenty bucks to go to the movies with friends?
June 18th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
“worked for oscar the grouch”
gee thanks carly lol
Carly’s Note: Anytime!
June 19th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
For the telephone newspaper solicitation calls, I firmly say:
” No thanks, I can’t read”. They seem pretty good with that.
It works everytime!!!
For the pushy Energy solicitors at my door insisitng that I get my utility bills for them , I tell them that they would have to speak to the landlord and he dosn’t live here, then they thank me and leave.
This also works everytime.
Carly’s Note: Sound advice.
June 20th, 2008 at 12:02 am
Hi Carly,
Unfortunately, I’ve always said yes to people most of my life, but learnt that you can be taken advantage of, even by your friends when you never say no, so in my older years, I had to be a bit tougher and learn to say “no” and it’s working much better, no longer a doormat.
By the way GARY, we never thought when the guy came around to sell the air purifier for $2,000 that we’d ever buy it, until he showed us a demonstratin and what it did and we were sold and YES, we bought it, but it was a few years ago now and it was from some hospital that they came from, so we’ve found a big difference in our air in the house, especially in the winter with all the windows closed, (even though a guy came over last year and told us that we were supposd to get continued service every year on the model we bought and never did,) so he had to clean the bugger, which took him over an hour, and THEN HE TRIED TO SELL US A BETTER ONE WITH A CREDIT FOR GIVING HIM BACK THE OLD ONE AND THE NEW ONE WOULD ONLY COST US…..IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY $3,500, BUT IT WAS A SELF CLEANER AND HAD A REUSABLE FILTER (WHEREAS OUR DIDN’T HAVE EITHER AND THE FILTER ALONE COSTS $100), so despite his arguement and all the savings we would have made if we had of purchsed the new one, we said NO, (in this case a stupid move,) because we just didn’t have the money and refused to go into debt for it. So I guess you win some, you lose some!! But when it comes to telephone solictors, I’m afraid I say no all the time, enough is enough and nowadays they have an automated machine try and sell you things and they keep calling back even if you press 1 for no more calls please, so what’s the use??
April
Carly’s Note: This is why I don’t answer the door or the phone!
June 20th, 2008 at 5:45 am
Hi Carly,
I went to a charity golf tournament yesterday and during the dinner they got the 2 best looking women in the organization to go around selling raffle tickets.
It was hilarious! They said $40 of tickets for a hug and $20 for an arm’s length of tickets. All of us guys coughed up the $40 being the shallow hound dogs that we are.
I guess i better take a refresher course from that assertiveness training seminar eh?
Have a great weekend!
Carly’s Note: Is that word “hound” or “horn”?