Directions and Warnings
When I was in Ms. Mesman’s Grade 8 class, she asked us to write out instructions on how to make a peanut butter sandwich. (I realize I’m dating myself here - most schools haven’t seen or heard of a peanut since the 1990’s because of deadly allergies.) The whole class found this writing assignment a bit odd, but we complied. After she collected the foolscap sheets from us, she reached behind her desk and pulled out the items that would be required for the project - a jar of peanut butter, a knife, a loaf of bread - and attempted to make a sandwich following the directions we had provided to the letter.
The girls rolled their eyes and the boys groaned as she attempted to make a sandwich without removing the top of the jar or opening the plastic bag containing the slices of bread. It seemed a bit silly to us at the time, but was an excellent lesson in the importance of being precise with directions. We had not been specific enough with our instructions and had made assumptions about what other people know and understand.
Sometimes explicit directions can border on the absurd, though - they’re usually linked to ridiculous lawsuits - and that’s why we have the annual Wacky Warning Label Contest. Here are the winners and honourable mentions for 2007, as announced yesterday:
1st - “Danger: Avoid Death” on a small tractor.
2nd - Iron-on T-shirt transfer label that reads, “Do not iron while wearing shirt.”
3rd - The label on a baby stroller that has a small storage pouch that warns, “Do not put child in bag.”
Honourable Mention - A letter opener label that says, “Caution: Safety goggles recommended.”
Second Honourable Mention - A label that reads, “The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing cheques or any legal documents.”
Please share any crazy label or directions stories you may have by using the reply section below (I hope those instructions are precise enough for you.) Your Jack Nation bonus code for today, worth 100 points to members, is WACKYWARNING. You have until December 15th to type it in.
December 13th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Hi Carly,
re: wacky Warnings:
You can check a list of funny ones at:
http://www.bored.com/crazywarnings/index.htm
re: Bon Jovi Party Picture/Good picture of you, Joanne, and Samantha-see her blog.
re: Peanut Butter
I miss those days when you can bring it to school, but the allergies are understood..Work places are also advising you to keep Peanuts out of the office too if possible.. I have Lysol at my desk to help keep my peanut residue localized and under control.
Later.
Rob
December 13th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
I’m in construction and I drive Volvo Articulated Haulers. They are all built in Sweden. There is a warning label on the frame of these right where the trailler connects to the cab. They read “No Room For Man In This Area” Now when these trucks are turned all the way there isn’t enough room for a mouse never mind a man. However, I guess woman can fit without a problem… I’ll see if I can get you a picture tomorrow at work Carly.
December 13th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
What brainiac found it nessesary to put “not to be taken internally”on a bottle of hair dye? Or the warning on collectibe plates that says ” not for use with food”. Not that kind of plate, huh?
Gotta wonder what those things are made of.
And then the air freshener spray cans that say ” not for use on body” you can sometimes find in the $ stores near you.
Some people desparately NEED a spray!!!!!
PLAY!
December 13th, 2007 at 7:08 pm
I was in Florida, in the parking lot of a restaurant was a sign that said Do Not Park Snow Route!!!!
December 13th, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Hi Carly
The Boss keeps telling me whenever I leave instructions for the guy’s
at work to make them IDIOT PROOF!!!
Bob
December 13th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
What do you think of a warning on the foldable panel that you put across the inside of your front windsheild of your car to keep the sun out that says to “remove before driving”…
December 13th, 2007 at 8:45 pm
Hi Carly:
How about the warning that McD’s put on their coffee cup years ago ‘Caution, coffee is hot’; all because a person put a freshly bought cup of coffee between their legs, burned themself, sued McD’s and won!
Life rolls on because there will always be people who do dumb things and try to blame someone else for their own stupidity.
For the pedestrians: you can stop on a dime, a moving 3,000 lb car can’t, death may result if you walk into traffic.
December 14th, 2007 at 3:08 am
Oh yeah Carly!! Those are real rocket scientists, printing those labels aren’t they??!! LMAO!
The one’s that really churn my butter,are the TV ads. You know…Say for example, you’re pre-menopausal,(LOOKOUT!!)
HEY!! Now there are these pills you can take that will lessen the cramping. Irregular periods dissipate until they are finally non-existent. Life is carefree, all smiles and butterflies,dancing in the grass,and swinging your children around gaily, patting your loved ones on the back,when before, you couldn’t understand why you wanted to pound their lungs out of their mouths…
Just before the commercial ends, they warn you of sudden severe nosebleeds. Imflamation and burning of the rectum. Sudden seizures that cause you to temporarily, lose your sight, and all bowel movement…
And the BEST for last..HEART ATTACK, STROKE, or SUDDEN DEATH!!!
WHO the HELL get’s away with writing and airing this Crap????
Me, I’ll stick with the extra strength ‘Midol’, and ride it out..thankyou very much!! Yeah,and that bottle of vino should do the trick too…..;)
December 14th, 2007 at 12:07 pm
You know how, for example, your friend tells you to not open a door or not turn on a light switch but you open the door or turn on the light switch just to be rebellious? I often wonder if we’re allowed to eat those little packets of granules of something that they put in boxes of new shoes that say “Do Not Eat.” I mean, they look like little salt packets, don’t they? I’m never really hungry whenever I see them, but maybe when I become old and crazy, I’ll really need to be told not to eat them.