Directions and Warnings
Thursday, December 13th, 2007
When I was in Ms. Mesman’s Grade 8 class, she asked us to write out instructions on how to make a peanut butter sandwich. (I realize I’m dating myself here - most schools haven’t seen or heard of a peanut since the 1990’s because of deadly allergies.) The whole class found this writing assignment a bit odd, but we complied. After she collected the foolscap sheets from us, she reached behind her desk and pulled out the items that would be required for the project - a jar of peanut butter, a knife, a loaf of bread - and attempted to make a sandwich following the directions we had provided to the letter.
The girls rolled their eyes and the boys groaned as she attempted to make a sandwich without removing the top of the jar or opening the plastic bag containing the slices of bread. It seemed a bit silly to us at the time, but was an excellent lesson in the importance of being precise with directions. We had not been specific enough with our instructions and had made assumptions about what other people know and understand.
Sometimes explicit directions can border on the absurd, though - they’re usually linked to ridiculous lawsuits - and that’s why we have the annual Wacky Warning Label Contest. Here are the winners and honourable mentions for 2007, as announced yesterday:
1st - “Danger: Avoid Death” on a small tractor.
2nd - Iron-on T-shirt transfer label that reads, “Do not iron while wearing shirt.”
3rd - The label on a baby stroller that has a small storage pouch that warns, “Do not put child in bag.”
Honourable Mention - A letter opener label that says, “Caution: Safety goggles recommended.”
Second Honourable Mention - A label that reads, “The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing cheques or any legal documents.”
Please share any crazy label or directions stories you may have by using the reply section below (I hope those instructions are precise enough for you.) Your Jack Nation bonus code for today, worth 100 points to members, is WACKYWARNING. You have until December 15th to type it in.