Afternoon Drive with Jeff & Carly

Kids of all ages can follow Santa’s Christmas journey online at www.noradsanta.org.  Starting at 12:00 a.m. ET on December 24th, NORAD will be charting the jolly old elf’s every move using Google Earth, radar, satellites, Santa Cams and jet fighter aircraft.  Don’t think of it as Big Brother.  Think of it as Mr. C’s own Internet reality show! :)  The website is also home to a plethora of interesting info, like how Santa Claus and his reindeer team visit so many houses in just one night.  It’s really cool.

Thanks for joining Jeff and me on the afternoon drive in 2007 and for checking out my blog.  I hope Santa is good to you and yours over the holidays.  All the best in 2008!

Merry Christmas,

Carly

P.S. Your Jack Nation bonus code is KRISKRINGLE.  It’s worth 100 points and is good until January 2, 2008!

The scariest words at Christmas have to be “some assembly required” because the best gift ever is only the best gift everif it actually works.  So there you are, it’s Christmas morning, the kids are excited because they want to play with the present they’ve been fancying for months, but first you have to assemble it under the watchful eyes of the inlaws.  The pressure is on.  Well, never fear.  Men’s Health Magazine is here with a few helpful tips on how to safely assemble toys.

1. Always read the directions before starting.
2. Have the proper tools handy.  (Teeth and knees don’t count.)
3. Never assemble under the influence.  (I would hope this wouldn’t be an issue on Christmas morning, but you never know…)
4. Spread a white sheet on the floor and arrange the parts in groups.

Good luck!  May your exclamations of “Christ” this season always be followed by “mas”.

Your 100-point Jack Nation bonus code is ASSEMBLY.  It’s valid until December 22nd.

A long, long time ago, I was employed by a phone company and was scheduled to work on Christmas Day.  It was the worst shift of my life, not only because I wasn’t able to join in my family celebration 8 hours away, but also because the actual work I was doing that day was pretty pointless.  I was fielding calls from customers who were getting a fast busy signal when dialing overseas.  A fast busy signal means there are no lines available.  Hmmm, do you think maybe it’s because everyone was calling their family to wish them a Merry Christmas?  I couldn’t actually connect the calls, all I could do was tell customers to try again later.

Having said that, working Christmas week - outside of Christmas Day and Boxing Day - can actually be quite pleasant.  There aren’t as many distractions and you can accomplish some menial tasks (like clearing out your email).  The Regus Group conducted a poll to find out how you would be spending your time in the office during the holidays and here are the results:

• 48% - Working as hard as possible (’As possible’ being the operative phrase)
• 41% - Catching up on neglected tasks (Is ’sleep’ a neglected task?)
• 14% - Coming in late and/or leaving early (Now you’re talking!)
• 12% - Arranging next year’s work calendar (Brown-noser)
• 11% - Shopping online (Good idea! No busybodies looking over your shoulder) 

Are you working Christmas week?  How about on New Year’s Eve or even New Year’s Day?  How do you plan on passing the time?  Post your comments in the reply section below.  My 100 point, Jack Nation bonus code for today is WORKINGONCHRISTMAS because unless your job is considered an essential service, you probably shouldn’t be.  Make sure you enter the code by December 21st.

In polite society, it’s considered rude to comment on someone’s physical appearance, unless, of course, that someone is Santa Claus.

It seems Dr. John Tantillo is leading the charge against the popular image of Santa as a rotund and jolly old elf.  The marketing professional, who is also a trained applied research psychologist, is concerned about the message a chubby Santa is sending contemporary children.  He asks,”Why not make our Santa today one who is cutting down on trans fats and sensitive to daily caloric intake… if we really want Santa to be alive and well in 2007 and beyond?”

I have a better idea.  How about we focus more on what we’re feeding our kids on a daily basis year round, instead of worrying about a fat guy who appears on the scene for about six weeks at the end of the year?

Yes, I know, Santa wasn’t originally fat.  Saint Nicholas was historically depicted as a tall, thin religious figure.  It wasn’t until the 19th century that Santa packed on the pounds to appear rich and generous.  But the modern Santa is the equivalent of the fat funny guy in comedies - he’s likable, approachable and non-threatening. 

Okay, maybe not to this little girl, but to most.  Kids like Santa, they don’t want to be Santa when they grow up.  If they do, I hope they have a sizable trust fund.

If you think Santa should be left alone, you can sign the petition at www.keepsantafat.com.  KEEPSANTAFAT is also today’s bonus code.  It is available until December 20th and is worth 100 Jack Nation points at www.925jackfm.com. 

Petfinder.com has announced the most popular and the most unusual pet names for 2007.  The lists are compiled from animal shelters and rescue groups.  Here are the results, so you can see if your pooch’s or feline’s name is in vogue:

Top 5 Dog Names:

1. Buddy

2. Max

3. Sadie

4. Jack

5. Daisy

Top 5 Cat Names:

1. Smokey

2. Lucy

3. Angel

4. Oreo

5. Midnight

What I want to know is, why do we tend to name cats after their fur colour?  I’m assuming Smokey is usually grey, Oreo is typically black and white, and Midnight is black more often than not.  We don’t seem to subject dogs to that practice, though, and we certainly don’t do it to human babies, otherwise I might have been named Blotchy, with Squished running a close second.  But you gotta love this next list…

Top 10 Most Unusual Pet Names:

1. Not Pants
2. Zhivago
3. Fat Alice
4. Barney Google
5. Cinderella Cookiedough
6. Ditto Dippin’ Dots
7. Fizzleboom
8. Miss Booty-Q
9. Bubba Big Foot
10. Partly Cloudy

If you didn’t know they were pet names, you might think they were porn stars!  Now I’m pretty sure I could guess Miss Booty-Q’s and Bubba Big Foot’s claims to fame, but what’s Fizzleboom’s specialty?

Feel free to share your pet name stories in the reply section below.  PORNPETNAMES is your Jack Nation bonus code.  It’s worth 100 points and is valid until December 19th.

There are many Christmas traditions that I enjoy and look forward to every year, but with the crazy pace of modern life, it has become more difficult to fit them all in.  I probably haven’t done any Christmas baking in five years or more, yet I used to really enjoy setting aside an entire day to make gingerbread and shortbread cookies, all the while listening to carols on the stereo.  It’s a relaxing activity and the cookies make a great hostess gift for holiday parties, not to mention the scrumptious scents that linger in your kitchen.  It’s no wonder people trying to sell their houses often burn candles that smell like apple pie or chocolate brownies to trick you into feeling at home, never mind the pet pee odours those candles are attempting to mask, but I digress… 

I moved in the fall, so cookies Sain’t Happenin’ this year.  (I haven’t yet unpacked the box with the baking sheets.)  If Christmas cards are going to make it out the door, they need to be written and addressed by this weekend.  (I don’t like their chances.)  But one tradition I’m definitely partaking in - because it requires no prep on my part, let’s be truthful - is attending Handel’s Messiah, performed by the TSO and Toronto Mendelssohn Choir at Roy Thomson Hall.  The music is beautiful, the lyrics are accessible (it was written in English) and even if you don’t have an extensive knowledge of or appreciation for classical music, you’ll at least recognize the Hallelujah chorus because of its frequent use in pop culture.  It’s truly an inspirational way to kick off the holiday season.

What are some of your favourite traditions?  Feel free to post a reply in the section below.  Today’s Jack Nation bonus code is TRADITION.  You have until December 17th to score 100 points by entering it at www.925jackfm.com.

When I was in Ms. Mesman’s Grade 8 class, she asked us to write out instructions on how to make a peanut butter sandwich.  (I realize I’m dating myself here - most schools haven’t seen or heard of a peanut since the 1990’s because of deadly allergies.)  The whole class found this writing assignment a bit odd, but we complied.  After she collected the foolscap sheets from us, she reached behind her desk and pulled out the items that would be required for the project - a jar of peanut butter, a knife, a loaf of bread - and attempted to make a sandwich following the directions we had provided to the letter.

The girls rolled their eyes and the boys groaned as she attempted to make a sandwich without removing the top of the jar or opening the plastic bag containing the slices of bread.  It seemed a bit silly to us at the time, but was an excellent lesson in the importance of being precise with directions.  We had not been specific enough with our instructions and had made assumptions about what other people know and understand.

Sometimes explicit directions can border on the absurd, though - they’re usually linked to ridiculous lawsuits - and that’s why we have the annual Wacky Warning Label Contest.  Here are the winners and honourable mentions for 2007, as announced yesterday:

1st - “Danger: Avoid Death” on a small tractor.

2nd - Iron-on T-shirt transfer label that reads, “Do not iron while wearing shirt.”

3rd  - The label on a baby stroller that has a small storage pouch that warns, “Do not put child in bag.”

Honourable Mention - A letter opener label that says, “Caution: Safety goggles recommended.”

Second Honourable Mention - A label that reads, “The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing cheques or any legal documents.”

Please share any crazy label or directions stories you may have by using the reply section below (I hope those instructions are precise enough for you.)  Your Jack Nation bonus code for today, worth 100 points to members, is WACKYWARNING.  You have until December 15th to type it in.

It’s August 2, 2005.  You’re a passenger on Air France Flight 358, landing at Pearson Airport.  Everything has been routine up until this point - the flight attendant was friendly enough, your pretzels were kind of stale, you’re glad the seatbelt sign is on because you’re tired of getting up for the guy in the window seat who has made fifteen trips to the toilet - when suddenly, the plane skids off the runway, crashes into a ditch and bursts into flames.

Do you a) wait for instructions from the cabin crew, b) proceed to the nearest exit, the one you located at the beginning of the trip in case of emergency, or c) clamour over everyone to rescue your Heys carry-on luggage in the overhead bin?  It seems absurd that anyone would be concerned about their toiletries and socks at a time like that, but there must have been a few morons on that flight because that’s one of the Transportation Safety Board’s recommendations in a report about the incident released yesterday:

Passengers should be instructed at the start of the flight to leave all carry-on baggage behind during an evacuation because the few seconds it takes to gather personal belongings could be crucial.

D’uh!  I thought this was already a part of the instructional video you’re shown as the plane is taxiing to the runway, but even so, who holds up an emergency evacuation with their Louis Vuitton pullman that’s been jammed under the seat in front of them?  Someone who doesn’t have the brains God gave cheese, that’s who!

Feel free to share your “what were they thinking?” stories in the reply section below.  CHEESE is your Jack Nation bonus code.  It’s worth 100 points until December 14th.

Just a quick note to give you the bonus codes for the Ozzy Ticket Blowout.  Don’t forget to enter them before midnight tonight (Tuesday), so there’ll be No More Tears.  If you win, you’ll be going off the rails on a Crazy Train, but if you don’t enter them at www.925jackfm.com, all you’ll be doing come January 21st is Bark(ing) at the Moon.  Okay, that’s enough of that. :)  Good luck!

Okay, maybe not the best compliment ever, but the best I’ve heard in awhile…

I took the GO train out to a cocktail party in Mississauga on Saturday.  My girlfriend Andrea was supposed to pick me up at the station, but she was busy with party preparations, so she sent her buddy Larry instead.  Larry and I hadn’t seen each other in a few years, so it took him a couple of minutes to recognize me.  When I was getting into his car, he said, “Wow!  you look so young!  I thought you were a teenager standing there.”  You could interpret that as I used to look old, now I look better, but (for once) that’s not the way I chose to take it.

When I repeated the story to my friend Jenn later in the evening, she asked me if I had slipped Larry a twenty.  “Never mind a twenty, ” I joked, “I slipped him some tongue in the backseat!”  The next thing I knew, all the husbands at the party were telling their wives they looked like teenagers.

Today’s bonus code is COMPLIMENT.  It’s worth 100 Jack Nation points and is good until December 12th.  And don’t forget to use the reply section below to share the best compliment you’ve received lately.