Afternoon Drive with Jeff & Carly

Ah yes, the Santa Claus parade is taking place this weekend, which means Sunday afternoon is open season on Christmas shopping.  Wrapping paper and miles of curly ribbon and hot chocolate and that nauseous feeling you get when you’re too hot from wearing your coat in the mall… and of course, Christmas music.  I love Christmas carols (beautiful, religious music), don’t mind most Christmas songs (you know, the ones about Santa and stuff), and can’t stand novelty holiday tunes.

Let me give you an example.  Earlier today, Jeff played me a farting version of Jingle Bells, courtesy of Larry the Cable Guy.  Maybe you’ve heard it.  It might be funny once (yeah, if you’re 8 and have to sport your hockey helmet off the ice), but wears extremely thin when played frequently.  Other annoying novelty tunes include, but are not limited to, anything by the Jingle Cats and Dogs (those pets that meow and bark the melody), as well as Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.

In the spirit of the season that is almost upon us, please feel free to share with me the titles of Christmas music that drives you insane.  I’ll compile and post a list, just for fun.  By the way, today’s bonus code is LARRYSUCKS.  It’s good until November 22nd and is worth 100 points to Jack Nation members.   

Leaf rookie Jiri Tlusty distinguished himself a few weeks ago by scoring twice in his very first NHL game, but it’s his attempts to score off the ice that have recently garnered attention.  The Czech-born player sent nude photos of himself to a woman he met online and of course those pictures, as well as the one above, have turned up on the Internet.  I’m not sure about his English, but clearly Jiri has already mastered the French tongue!

The Leafs brass, as well as most sports personalities, have rallied behind him, blaming his youth and naivete for the indiscreet shots and saying we should cut him some slack (or was that “slacks” so he can cover up?).  Wade Belak offered that he’s been known to take out the trash naked sometimes.  Yes, we all make mistakes, particularly foolish ones when we’re young, but there’s a difference between being caught with your pants down and purposely dropping your pants and taking shots with your camera phone, hoping to impress someone with your Surewood, I mean, Sherwood.  By all means, be risque, but keep in mind there’s a very important “L” in the term “public figure”.

For 100 points, enter the bonus code “sherwood” when you log into your Jack Nation account.  It’s valid until November 21st.

Just got back from Las Vegas and you know how it goes - what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.  I am, however, willing to reveal some info on one of the crazy characters I met in Sin City.

I attended the ZZ Top concert at the Las Vegas Hilton on Sunday night and I must say, they’ve still got it - that fuzzy, grinding sound, the fuzzy beards and of course, the fuzzy guitars.  But even more fun than the show was the people watching.  Lots of bikers and 80’s hair and a guy named Michael who bought me a cosmopolitan, even though I was with someone and my glass was full.  Michael proceeded to tell me how he promised his mother on her deathbed that he would get an Elvis tattoo in her honour because Elvis dyed his hair jet black “just like his mama’s”.  Michael punctuated every mention of “mama” with a kiss on my cheek.  Hopefully it’s because I look like his mama - a much younger version - and not because he was sporting major beer goggles!  Oh, and just in case my mama is reading this, no, I didn’t drink the cosmo.

We’re having a Jack Nation points blowout today.  Samantha has the codes from her shift posted on her blog.  Here are the ones from the afternoon show.  All codes are valid until midnight tonight (Tuesday, November 13th).

3 p.m. - online

4 p.m. - free

5 p.m. - coolcontests

Unlike Vegas, there’s no need to quit collecting Jack Nation points while you’re ahead.  There’s no gamble at all, so don’t stop until you drop!

Just a reminder that it’s Remembrance Day on Sunday, so wear your poppy with pride and respect.  Although I’ll be out of town this year, I usually attend the ceremony at Toronto Old City Hall.  If you have a chance, take the kids out to the cenotaph in your area.  It’s only about an hour or so out of your day and they’ll learn more from the veterans’ faces than they ever would from a text book.  You can find out where Toronto ceremonies are being held at http://www.toronto.ca/lestweforget/city_ceremony.htm.

In honour of Remembrance Day, today’s bonus code is POPPY.  You have until November 16th to enter it once you’ve logged into your Jack Nation account.  It’s worth 100 points!

Michael “Pinball” Clemons 

Rumour has it that Coach Clemons is going to retire at the end of this season.  It’s understandable that people move on, that they want to pursue other opportunities, but I hope the reports aren’t true.  Pinball is such a positive force, not only as a coach and former player (the Argos are likely to go to the Cup this year, probably can’t say that about the Leafs), but also as a role model and philanthropist.  But the best part is that he’s just an average guy.

Take, for example, his response to being asked about whether or not he’ll retire.  He announced, “At the end of the year I’ll talk to my wife and we’ll see what direction we’re going.  My wife may very well tell me on the first of December, ‘That’s where I am now.’  If she says that, I’m going to heed that call, no doubt about that.”  Then as if he realized what he had just said, he added, “We’ll have a conversation.  It won’t be just her, either.  I’ll certainly have a part in that decision.”  Sure you will, Pinball.  We know who wears the stretch pants in that family.

My Jack Nation bonus code for today is PINBALL.  Don’t forget to enter it before November 15th to score 100 points!  Go Argoooos!

Milunka Dabovic

Milunka Dabovic is a 38 year-old Serbian woman who has received 150 marriage proposals since she was 14.  “I’ve had a lot of proposals”, she says, “and some of them won’t take no for an answer, they even try to get my mother to try and convince me to accept.  But the man I marry needs to be handsome and tall, needs to accept life here in our village - and must be a hard worker with a good heart”.  If only it were that simple, Milunka!

Since Jeff is attempting to entice you to his blog with Jennifer Aniston photos, I thought I would post a picture of a dame I think embodied both beauty and brains.  They don’t make ‘em like that anymore and it’s a crying shame.  For 100 Jack Nation points, make sure you enter JANERUSSELL in the bonus code section of your account.  It’s valid until November 13th.

Jane Russell

“Come inside… it’s safe… you know you want to…”

I got out of bed an hour earlier than I normally do today in the hopes of getting a myriad of tasks accomplished.  My plan was to put my work-out clothes on, take the recycling out, throw on a load of laundry and exercise while the laundry was washing.  All went to hell in a laundry basket when the elevator got stuck between floors on my way down to the laundry room.  Not good.  There I am in my ponytail and Everlast boxing shorts (they never seemed cheesy before), alone, pounding on the door, pressing “door open” and “door close” frantically… to no avail.  Luckily, a woman heard me and called the superintendent.  He told me to stay calm, that the elevator maintenance crew was on the way.  Shortly thereafter another man - I never knew his name - asked me if I was alone and should he keep me company through the door.  He didn’t stay, but I do appreciate the thought.  It took exactly 55 minutes between the elevator getting stuck and the maintenance guy opening the door for me.  I’m just glad I’m not claustrophobic… or incontinent!

Here are the afternoon bonus codes for Jack Nation members.  Don’t forget to enter them before midnight tonight at www.925jackfm.com.  For the balance of the codes, check out Samantha’s blog.

3 p.m. - TRIPS

4 p.m. - CONCERTS

 5 p.m. - MUSIC

Yesterday, I made the trek to Buffalo with FAN590 listeners to check out the Bills game.  Jeff Brown had warned me about NFL tailgate parties, but I definitely wasn’t prepared for the craziness!  It was a sea of red, white, blue and Bud.  Everyone was wearing Bills paraphernalia - jerseys, jackets, hats, painted faces and chests (all guys, no women), even buffalo horns reminiscent of Fred Flinstone’s Water Buffalo Lodge headgear.  The stadium parking lots were full of fans, some didn’t even have tickets to the game.  They were just there to drink and to watch the game on the TV in their mini vans.  Our bus pulled in at about 11:30 a.m., just in time to witness the first round of football enthusiasts puking their guts out.  And we’re not talking underage drinkers - we’re talking guys in leather jackets in their 30s, perched on coolers with their heads between their knees.

The game itself was cool (like the weather), but even more awesome was the “people watching”.  I especially enjoyed the company of the guy who sat down bedside us and told us the only good thing about Canada is the strip joints.  I asked him if he had ever been to Canada for any purpose other than bachelor parties.  “Hell no!” was his reply.  I didn’t think so.

On the way back, we were caught in that 2 hour delay at the border.  Canadian customs agents were checking the 60 to 70 chartered buses in queue for unpaid duty on cross-border purchases.  Our agent borded the bus to verify passports, then got an important call from another agent on his walkie-talkie.  The purpose?  His colleague wanted to know the final score of the Patriots-Colts game.

Special thanks to Enzo (in photo below) from the FAN590 promo department for allowing me to invite myself along.  I know it wasn’t your fault, but next time, Enzo, let’s bring a DVD of the original The Longest Yard for the bus ride instead of We Are Marshall.  Hmmm, football players perishing in a fiery crash - like Buffalo itself isn’t depressing enough.

For 100 Jack Nation points, don’t forget to enter BUFFALOBILLS in the bonus code section of your account.  It’s good until November 12th.

Still a few opportunities for members of the Jack Nation to score some tickets to The Police at the ACC next week.  If you have lots of points, the one day point auction ends at midnight tonight (Friday), so get on it!  If you’re new to the club, maybe have better luck with draws, there are one day ticket draws on both Saturday and Sunday, so don’t forget to sign into your account between periods when the Leafs pulverize the Habs tomorrow night, and then again when you’re turning the clock back at 2 a.m. on Sunday.

The concert, in case you’re unsure, is sooo worth it.  I missed The Police in T.O., but caught the show at Fenway Park in July.  Sting was smiling throughout the entire concert, so it appeared the band enjoyed themselves as much as the crowd did.  They played everything you would hope to hear.  The best song of the night, however, was Wrapped Around My Finger.  Stewart Copeland opened the song by playing an instrument that looked like wind chimes.  It created an interesting effect.

For an extra 100 Jack Nation points, enter WINDCHIMES in the bonus code section of your account.  It’s valid until November 9th.  As promised, here are some more of my favourite TV cops in honour of the Police.

Detective Steve McGarrett: “Book ‘em, Danno!”

Chief Wiggum: “Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1… 2.”

Detective Mike Logan - He can frisk me any day!

Halloween is done, which means Christmas is just around the corner.  The Bay at Yonge and Queen revealed its much-anticipated Christmas window display today.  I’m going to check it out this weekend and hopefully get some gift-giving ideas.  It’s never too soon to start your shopping.  That way, you spread the total cost out over various pay cheques.  But what do you give the guy or gal who has everything, without breaking the bank?  Syphilis, that’s what!  If you don’t know the person that intimately, you could always just pass along the Common Cold or maybe Athlete’s Foot.  GIANTmicrobes.com offers reasonably-priced plus toy versions of maladies, calamities, critters, even venereals.  Most diseases are an economical $8.95, before taxes and shipping, and complete sets vary from $15.95 to $44.95.  Who couldn’t use a little Flesh Eating Disease after all that turkey and stuffing?  As the website says, it will put you on a diet - fast!

Isn’t Syphilis cute?

The bonus code SYPHILIS is worth 100 Jack Nation points.  You have until November 8th to enter it.  For extra points, don’t forget to refer your friends.  You’ll get 1000 bonus points for each successful referral, plus 10% of the points they earn in their first 7 days.  Fulls details at 925jackfm.com.